Finally decided to not seek a relationship

That is so true, punkey. When friends of mine were frustrated back when we were in our twenties, I told them to continue to do what they liked to do and not to be afraid to do it alone.

If you like to dance, listen to music of whatever genre, look at art, ski or hike, then keep doing those things because they will draw similarly minded people.

A man sent me a message on a dating website. He loved ballroom dancing above any other activity and his second fav was watching televised sports. I can not dance. I am that unco-ordinated. My mind does not speak to my feet and turning makes me sick to my stomach. I've never watched a televised sporting event in my life and do not intend to but there are dozens of women who love both. This guy pestered me until I blocked him. Really? Start out with a woman who can dance and who loves sports!

This summer, I have been volunteering as an usher at a well known theatre company because I adore live theatre. The local college's art museum participates in the monthly Arts Friday with free admission and lectures. Unfortunately, my retail job often keeps me from participating but this year, because of my teaching schedule, I can not work Fridays! Yeah!

But, I am not doing those things to meet a man but for myself. Without at least four art museum visits a year and about the same number of plays, I wither a bit. It's a good thing that I am not doing it to meet a man because they only straight men who go to them come with their wives/girlfriends.

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I think that's a good idea - if you are brave enough to start conversations in those places.

I frankly was afraid to get involved with it. A woman I work with did and she met four or five men for coffee, one who had obviously lied about his age, adding a decade! She only went through the introductory month and discontinued after that.

I think you are considerably younger than me. I did the personals in my mid-40s and met 2 or 3 men each week for coffee for about four months before I had had enough. In that time, there wasn't one I wanted to see a second time. Later, after the relationship that began in my mid-40s ended, I did the internet thing and generally did not feel inclined to meet any of the men.

Is that Athens, Georgia or Athens, Ohio?

Re Punkey's advice a few posts earlier - I met my husband in my first art gallery, and the marriage worked a long time, if not ever and ever, so I nodded and laughed.

I do find that most of us around my age (I'm slightly older than Pom, but not all that much) are pretty set in our ways, cranky even, or maybe the word is 'adamant', though of course, not all the time. Of if we're not, who are we, just getting along and being agreeable? Maybe our personal characteristics get stronger, for the good or not. Most of my pals are still open to new ideas, but they are not blank canvasses themselves.

I can imagine - well, actually know - partnerships that work, with plenty of space to be ourselves, some physical and mental room, including room for disagreement.

This all makes me want to make like I'm letterwriting as we used to, and do some serious emailing - I've got a few long time married friends who went through several levels of 'sick of each other' and stuck it. One couple owned a bunch of houses that they were fixing up (old victorians in a city) and they each lived in one a few houses away from each other, happier than usual, or so they said. Now those and other friends all tweet, and the thoughtful notes get sparer.

It was Athens, GA - but I'm in CA now. I'm 49 - I think you may have a few years on me - and I'm pretty "set in my ways" about more than a few things, but I've found - for me - that if a person brings a great deal of happiness to my life, both through who he is as an individual - and by being the one who sits across the table from me in restaurants and the one watching the movie with me and talking about it afterwards and the one who reaches out and takes my hand at 3am - I am willing to adapt to some things in deference to him.

You talked earlier about a man you met who loved ballroom dancing and sports... I wonder if you'd gotten to know him - and he was really great in other ways - if you might have learned to love sports because of the other things he brought to your life - and supported him in his dancing? Do you think you might be happier getting to know someone a bit more before deciding whether or not he's worth concessions? And trust me - I'm not judging you harshly. I am surprised at how I've chafed at change at my age. I realize it may become much more difficult as we get older.

About meeting people who aren't exactly what they say they are: I think this can be fun. It's sort of an adventure. Meeting new people can be some advanced type of sociological study. I think if you look at it as fun - you'll enjoy whatever happens.... and in a few minutes - it's over. You may walk away with a new perspective about something - a friend - a funny story for us!!! - or a lover / companion. Anyway, I don't want you to feel I'm pushing. I'd like to think you're having fun.

No, I perfectly understand that you are not judging me harshly. I appreciate third party suggestions . . . well, you're not really a "third" party but second party sounds odd . . . because I believe that we are sometimes too close to the situation to see it, if you catch my drift. Some things are more apparent at a distance.

I am 14 years older than you. I thought you might be in your forties.

I never actually met the man. But, a couple of things here, the first being that I really can not dance, all for physical reasons. (Before I go on, I will say that I am ducking because I am afraid ossobucco might hit me with a bat.) He had a picture posted on the website. I was solidly turned off. It is not that I want a Handsome Harry (actually, I have fairly bizarre taste in men), but, that men's pictures at the age I am are always an oh no! I really would prefer not seeing the man before meeting him.

People often do not look like their pictures. I had a professional picture on Facebook that my kids hated. My daughter sent me a picture that she had taken, so I switched the professional pic for hers and got nothing but positive responses from people who see me because they said the other picture looked nothing like me.

Anyway, it did seem unfair to pursue the matter if his big interests weren't mine.

And I would love a partner who would introduce me to new things. Just not dancing or sports or jazz.