I was divorced about 15 years ago and had two relationship since, one that lasted several years.
All of those relationships seemed to be about limits . . . for me! I finally reached the point where I realize and accept that I am better off with a romantic attachment.
I would still like to be friends with a man or men. I had tons of men friends as a young woman and I miss men as friends. But, I am not interested in being controlled, being told where I will go on my birthday to have dinner, missing movies and social events because they don't interest him and having to defend myself against his statement that I am wrong when I can pull out the encyclopedia and prove myself right, only to have him respond, "That's not how most people see it."
We get even more idiosyncratic as we age, or ... we usually do, though I've seen real romances at quite a stretch of ages.
I've also seen the width and breath of the lack of it, over varied ages.
Older people tend to be more isolated.
To some extent we get pickier as we get older, as we know ourselves better and our limits better. Hard to cross those bridges or even want to.
Loneliness and isolation follow.
The deal is, all those sweet little old people on the tv screen have complicated lives behind them, just and possibly more so than the featured younger, of whom we are mostly not jealous, whatever that PR on that.
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stuh505
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Wed 24 Jan, 2007 10:33 pm
We do? Oh no, I'm in for trouble then...
I'm not sure what this is "supposed to be about" and how you think I misinterpreted it. Maybe you mean that it's not about trying to find a solution to a "problem," but rather just discussing "the way it is"? Maybe this is why I don't always get invited to girl's night.
All of the complaints about a serious relationship were qualities that are usually associated with men. Of course, I don't believe it would be hard to find a man who is the exact opposite of those things, but perhaps plainoldme doesn't find herself attracted to/by those types of guys.
Anyhoot, I thought that suggesting lesbianism would be...uh...well it was just what came to mind
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ossobuco
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Wed 24 Jan, 2007 10:52 pm
POM and I are different people. I'm not les and I don't think she is either, not that there is anything wrong with that, as the saying goes. Just re the conversation I think POM meant to start, which, guessing, was from the pov of a disgruntled older heterosexual female.
I can say that, since I'm even older than she is.
We disagree a lot, and agree occasionally. Perhaps more than occasionally on the important stuff.
It seems to me, from POM's posts that I've read, that she resents men a lot. And yet that may be some blowing off of steam while she basically likes them... if.. only...
I reserve analysing myself for another time. Then, bring notebooks.
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ossobuco
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Wed 24 Jan, 2007 11:00 pm
Stuh, we are different ages.
Admittedly, we don't announce ages as we post, and that's mostly for the good. Cuts out some ageism from both ends, at least sometimes.
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Chumly
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Wed 24 Jan, 2007 11:33 pm
Women do get cranky and disillusioned, especially when romantic idealism clashes with aging reality.
No one is going to hold anything against you (pun) if you want to live alone, and all guys are far from controllers; there are lots of guys that are happy to let the women in their lives go the way they want.
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stuh505
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Wed 24 Jan, 2007 11:42 pm
Yeappp....when you get to be my age, you'll see what I'm talkin' about.
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ossobuco
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Wed 24 Jan, 2007 11:48 pm
Women as cranky and disillusioned? Men as - well, ....
only women get to be cranky?
Let's assume we grow in age and ingraciousness, except sometimes.
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martybarker
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Wed 24 Jan, 2007 11:49 pm
Personally, I'm at a point in my life that I'm questioning my partnering potential. I've been without a partner for 3 years now after being monogomous for 18 years. I hear the way the guys at work talk about women and it really makes me wonder what the intentions are of the general single male population.
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cicerone imposter
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Thu 25 Jan, 2007 12:08 am
My wife and I have a trusting, loving, relationship. She lets me travel to my heart's content, and I know many women woiult not allow that kind of "freedom." My wife spends time with her friends for lunch, shopping and/or movies.
We eat out frequently during the week, and go see a show maybe once-a-month. She's a counch potato and watches tv, while I spend hours on the computer. I enjoy working out in the yard or go for a walk in a nearby shopping mall.
I try to get my wife to travel more with me, but she gets seasick, and doesn't enjoy seeing too much poverty in third world countries.
We're both retired now, so our plan is to travel the US to see the national parks.
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dadpad
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Thu 25 Jan, 2007 12:09 am
I just do as a I'm told. It's easier that way. (I just got a lil kiss for that) (and a pfft!)
All realationships are about compromise. Its up to the indivdual partners to sort out what they will and wont compomise on then make a decision from there.
Women seem to be more ready to compomise to stabilise relationships (I think thats a genetic need to be supported thriuh child bearing years) so often they get the raw end of the deal. As the need for support diminishes after chidbearing women do seem to become more indipendant. I kinda like that finally I feel like i can stop shouldering ALL the resposibility for decision making.
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stuh505
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Thu 25 Jan, 2007 12:21 am
Heh...I imagine some women would take offense to that, dadpad.
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ossobuco
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Thu 25 Jan, 2007 12:26 am
I've met both CI and his wife, got to know her more as the weekend of various a2k get togethers happened in San Francisco. Diane and I liked her a lot, but it wasn't only us, she gained group respect. She let the big mugs blather for a while and then spoke smartly. She has a fan club.
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ossobuco
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Thu 25 Jan, 2007 12:40 am
I have this faint idea that we are yet again off topic...
Lots of people (men and women alike) think they can pick someone they like in general (or for their looks or whatever) and then make the person out of them they really want to be with.
I was in a six-year relationship with a man like that.
After I got out, I decided that for a while I needed to be me and free.
Funny, but in that time so "many men wanted to be there by my side" (to say it in old Chris' words).
I found lots of male friends and got offers, that I generally declined, since I just wasn't ready.
And then one day there he was: My prince charming in a white Ford.
He can watch me be stubborn and do stupid things, and he can tell me that he thinks I am stubborn and stupid, but he also says things like: That's just the way you are, and I love you for it!
He NEVER EVER tries to change anything about me, he sometimes watches movies in the cinema with me, that are not quite his style, he puts up with big birthday parties with all my friends, because that's how I like it, even though he'd prefer a quiet celebration somewhere.
In one short sentence: He's just perfect!
I hope you'll find someone like that, too, I cannot believe he's the only one of that tribe.
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Noddy24
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Thu 25 Jan, 2007 05:22 am
I think that the older men get, the more likely they are to expect that a helpmeet will accommodate their needs and quirks and crotchets without necessarily extending the same caretaking support to the helpmeet.
The Greeks had scenarios for this phenomena:
Pygmalion created the statue of a beautiful woman and the gods reward him by bringing her to life.
Medusa, minding her own business in a remote cave, has her privacy invaded by Perseus (who is hell bent on Doing His Hero Thing) who cuts off her head.
Possibly at one time when years of hard toil led to intense masculine arthritis, men had every right to expect to be catered to in their declining years. Social customs die slowly.
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Chumly
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Thu 25 Jan, 2007 05:30 am
martybarker wrote:
Personally, I'm at a point in my life that I'm questioning my partnering potential. I've been without a partner for 3 years now after being monogomous for 18 years. I hear the way the guys at work talk about women and it really makes me wonder what the intentions are of the general single male population.
Wonder no more, we are pretty simple in that regard, single or otherwise!
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The Pentacle Queen
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Thu 25 Jan, 2007 06:37 am
dadpad, thats precisely the reason I will only go out with men who will do what they're told.
My mother is one of those type of women, and it has made me vow never ever ever to be like that. Never.
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flushd
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Thu 25 Jan, 2007 07:25 am
POM,
Sounds great to me.
And you know what? That is exactly the decision I made before I met my present beau.
Though I have grown very fond of him - would even say I love him - there is a certain peace I have gained in deciding "If I never am with a man again, if I never get married, if I never have kids and the live-in so-called romantic relationship ....That is fine."
And it really is. I feel for the first time (as cliche and sad as I feel about admitting this) : My happiness comes first.
Happiness is the whole point. If male companionship via friendships makes you happy - Go for it. I would view it as a positive decision!
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