I haven't read through the entire thread, only the last five pages, but I can agree with much of the advice given. I am not very aware of the legal issues in the US, but it seems to me too that you need to get legal counseling a.s.a.p. The best approach to betrayal is clarity, emotionally and rationally.
Your wife has made a decision to leave, first emotionally and then physically. Now you need to clean up your life, cut the bonds, remove her from your environment. Make this separation visible and evident to all (not least to yourself and do it yourself, so you are not a victim of the situation; act! You may still love her and that is OK, but that is not going to make her stay):
Get a quick and neat divorce (if possible), make sure that she gets what is due to her, and perhaps a little more, so you have nothing to reproach yourself about. Make her move out (if she hasn't already) with
all her stuff a.s.a.p. and change the locks on the doors. If she leaves anything, put it in storage elsewhere. Do not tear up any pictures, but put them away until you can look at them without anger or regret. Have your house cleaned, rearrange your living room as well as your routines, stop drinking, do
not go to the nudie bar (if you weren't a regular before, it will not make you feel better if you visit there now, but it
will make you poorer); rather take a new hobby, or go on a holiday to Thailand and challenge yourself, have new stories to tell (but do not return married!).
And once you're over it and have learnt to speak fluent French, you can woo one of my pretty sisters in law, who wouldn't mind marrying a kind, generous, goodlooking 30 something guy with a 60k salary
