Dear Diary

Dear Diary,
What a delightful run of postings...I'm still adjusting to no one being nasty. : )

Diane - if I slow down I might think to much then really cause trouble. But who needs sleep I really operate best on 5 1/2 to 6 1/2 hrs of sleep. More or less really misses me up. I am trying to seek solutions to simplify a little. Most of my interactions\relationships require me getting into confrontational situations and I'm starting to tire of being the peacemaker. So I'm seeking to be active just not in leadership and that's really difficult without cutting the vine. The idea is to empower others into leadership, and get myself into a more nurturing situation where I can make deeper long lasting effect on others.

Diane, Believe it or not, some of our flowers are still in bloom in our back yard. c.i.

Dear Diary

So Gautam wonders why he returns to London? Because it marvellous, of course! .... Well, in summer, anyway ..

It was a delight to receive Diane's good wishes. Thank you, Diane ... Much appreciated! You will be pleased to hear that my 3 critters & I are "bonding" with this lovely new (little!) cottage I've purchased. It's going to be hot today & I have all the windows open to catch the beautiful, cool morning breeze. Lovely!
Yesterday my 2 new (tres trendy!) couches arrived. Now I can sit on something & watch TV when I'm too pooped to do anything else! Hey, progress!
I feel so pleased with the woorld this morning!

And it's snowing for all you snow-addicted people in the northern hemisphere! Enjoy! I always think of Roberta when I think of snow. She just loves it! Enjoy, Roberta, enjoy!

Gotta run, DD, I have a job interview today & must focus, focus, focus !!!! Wish me luck!

test'n for a page roll-over

Are we having roll-over troubles again, husker?

DD, Okay, today MIL had to go back to the cardiologist cause she was swelling up again. He sent her home with additional instructions (just like the old instructions) to cut out the salt. She swears she isn't eating any salt (didn't realize that the chicken cutlet she had and the egg and the toast and everything else has sodium in it even though she didn't salt it). So I printed out a whole list of common foods with their sodium content and talked to her about it on the phone and tomorrow I'll mail it out (hubby tells me she already got a list from the hospital, but it's worth a try).

Also got brother-in-law angry with me today when I questioned what exactly he bought when he went to the food store for her on Saturday. He told me he bought what was on her list, always choosing the brand with the lowest sodium content. So he bought her cottage cheese (even his low sodium brand has someting over 100 mg per serving -- and who knows how small a 'serving' is) and lots of other stuff she shouldn't be eating. He was sure her problem today was the result of something being wrong with the prescription. Said she'd had the lasix since September and there must be something wrong with it. And then he got mad when I said if she's had the same bottle since September and she's supposed to have been taking a pill each day she must have forgotten to take it sometimes.

I figure it's better if both mother-in-law and brother-in-law get angry with me instead of hubby. We're wondering whether she can be left alone any more (she lives in a senior development but is by herself). She doesn't want to live with us or her other son and both houses have lots of stairs so it probably wouldn't work either (plus I'm not sure hubby or I could take the whining and complaining -- sounds awful to say it but it is the truth).

Oh well. Now I'm off to surf for low salt recipes for Christmas Eve. Can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

Hugggssss Bandylu. Hope you find some good recipes.

Thanks, chatoyant. There is much to be said for venting. I feel so much better already. And thanks to A2K for letting me get it out.

Dear Diary: I am amazed at the life force of the folks here. Guatam flying across countries; bandylu helping with her mother-in-law; msloga getting a fresh start with a new place; husker with his community involvment with all the inevitable conflicts.

My life pales in comparison. What does it say about me with my current bend toward isolation?

I think I'm going through the beginning stages of "the change." Few of my clothes now fit me, so if I want to leave the house with something on, I'll have to reinvest in another wardrobe. I was on line all day yesterday. Checked out over 1,300 apparel items at amazon.com. I'm a petite who is now 8 pounds overweight. Hard to fit. Everything I found was too young for me, anyway, and what should I buy if I don't really know where I want to go?

I've done a lot of things, and frankly--as fun as they were at the time--those activities no longer hold much appeal and I can't think of anything to replace them with. I tried a writer's group, twice. Blah. I was active with a local theater. Too much high drama behind the scenes. Politics, never again. Church? Well, people do change. College was fun and the local community college does offer some interesting classes. Yes, YES, that's what I'd like to do . . . take more classes, but not this year. This year I have the house and yard to work on. I'll savor this new-found direction until next fall.

Maybe I'm happy out here with the cows, hogs, goats, horse, barn cats, deer, boyfriend, and my dog. Maybe this "down time" is an opportunity for . . . somehting?

I still have my sights on the parties-to-be (my boyfriend is quite involved with civic life, so he'll have people to invite, anyway), when the yard is in, the music room is set up--how I miss having a piano!--and we have . . . running water in the kitchen.

dupre, my experience is that one goes through a redefining period. Actually, it is an opportunity to get to know yourself and then decide the menu of people, places, events and activities that feeds one's soul.

Personally, I found out my ego was determined to see itself in light of how I lived 20 years ago. I found myself doing things that fed me, but also frustrated me. For example, I no longer have the patience nor physical energy to facilitate community volunteer groups. Although in the process, I made new friends and became a part of the community. Now, I teach (one-on-one) in the adult literacy program which is based at the library (I love the library.) Also, I listen to students read at the local elementary school. Then there is the student I mentor. We attend cultural events, travel to see friends and relatives and help out with our grandson. Everything is flexible. It took a number of years to determine the proper mixture. Now, I am content. Life is good.

Mapleleaf, Where are you? It's so dark, nobody can see you! ;( c.i.

Mapleleaf: Thank you. I'm all teary-eyed. It's scary to think there's not much I'd rather be doing, I mean, it sort of sounds like depression, doesn't it? At least compared to the pace I used to live. I should be grateful there are no crises currently brewing, no illnesses or deaths. These may be the best and quietest days of my life!

Since my last post, I've been checking into renting a piano till I can afford the one of my dreams. For a mere $20 per month, I can return to something I really enjoyed, and although my enthusiastic playing is quite average, I never stopped believing I could improve significantly. Maybe now really is the time for a reblossoming in that area. And . . . I would get to sing some of my favorite songs! There's no one out here to critique the effort 'cept the cows.

c.i., I live in NW Georgia...is that what you are asking for?

dupre, I retired early in order to be the caregiver for my mom and dad. She died within three months and then I continued with dad for another ten months. My wife, who had to live alone in another state, was able to join me half way throught the year. She was frustrated for awhile in that dad and I lived at a different pace. Her internal engine was still attuned to the food system program she had run. Finally, after months, she was able to match us. By the way, my family all suffer from depression. During the time, I was with my father, I was on 40 mg of Paxil. I am not pushing drugs, but it did help me to stay even tempered.

DD,

I think I finally have the last of the dang cards done. Of course I haven't hit the mailbox yet, where I bet there will be more.... Oy!

I shouldn't complain. It means people remembered us, which is nice, but I'm just tired of writing back the same old thing. This year hasn't exactly been that interesting and I feel like I'm doing anything to fill up the white space on the cards. I've taken to writing in large letters but I can't get much larger or it'll really look bad.

Best wishes to all. Off to finish answering the neverending mail. :-D

jes,

"I've taken to writing in large letters but I can't get much larger or it'll really look bad."

My, aren't you sneaky.

Mapleleaf, No, it's your avatar. It's so dark, we can't tell what it's supposed to be. ;( c.i.

Hmmm...I purposefully selected the one with two roses in a dark setting...it is tied to my past.

It needs a little more light for us to see it.

Heh, yeah I'm sneaky. :wink:

CI, actually those are roses from my garden which I scanned. But this was a few years ago; the roses are long gone. When you keep the scanner lid up, the background becomes black (overexposure, I believe). When I next scan flowers (sorry, but you'll have to wait 'til the Spring, I'll put some white paper on top of them when I open the scanner lid and we'll see how that turns out.