<waves back to anastasia>
<waves back to anastasia>
Dear all, Happy Valentine's day!
My V day started in a very strange way (I mean around midnight last night!)
At last, J (a French woman who I've been interested in for some time) and I had dinner together. It was a pleasure to spend time with her, discussing the issues of the world and our lives. I even got to practice my French for a while...which was a little tiring but OK.
So, later in the meal she said that she had thought about where we are at and that (without wanting to presume etc.) she didn't think it a good idea for us to start a relationship.
She returns to Paris (to work - i.e. permanent - but only 3 hours from London!) at the end of March and has huge amounts of work to do between now and then. So realistically, we won't have something serious underway before she moves. Long distance relationships are always difficult, etc.
OK, I said, I'd thought throught the same things but came to a different conclusion - that it was worth a try. I think she's a great woman and find her very attractive.
All in all, I was strangely thrilled to discover that we feel pretty much the same way about each other.
What's really frustrating is that nothing will happen unless she changes her decision, which I tried to work on by gentle persuasion.
It was good to be able to say the things I feel about her and to let her know that I think about her as a possible partner.
So I went home with the message that I'd think about what she said and asked her to reconsider.
She just doesn't want to have something for a few months and then be heartbroken. That's quite a responsibility to deal with, but a chance I'm prepared to take.
I'm feeling weirdly in limbo now. It is slightly amazing to me that we've talked through all this without having kissed (except on the cheeks, of course!).
At least we both know what's going on, now.
I even said that it was not impossible that I could move to Paris in a year or so - my job is quite transferable and I could learn French well enough in about 2-3 months.
Heavy! The way in which she behaved made me even closer to falling in love with her...damn it! If she'd said she didn't find me attractive and that was the reason for being just friends, it would have been easier but at the same time less inspiring.
Life deals some strange hands. I live in hope.
I wish you all the very best of Valentine's Days - I hope you feel the same passion that I do, but that it's easier to deal with.
As I said to J, the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life is to be in love and know that it's not enough to make a relationship work.
Hugs to you all, KP x
Dear Diary (but not in order)
Back to DAS first thing in the morning. Inside a lot of guys in jeans and t-shirts walking around with guns stuck in their waistbands. I'd think a holster would be more comfortable but maybe that's not "undercover" enough. Funny, a big plaque outside the chief agent's office says "Become a part of the legend! U.S. Border Patrol". Must have been a gift.
Seems you run into half the Americans you know in the city there. Tuesday is a lot better than Mondays, no line at all. I was first. Didn't do me a lot of good though. After sitting at the agent's desk for two hours while he worked on my paperwork but also on two other peoples it turned out the photos I'd brought were semi-gloss not matte. A no no so the whole long process ground to a halt. This afternoon with my new matte photos in my hot little hand I'll return to face what will likely be a long line waiting in the hot sun. That's ok I'll just try to barge in front like they do.
Meanwhile went downtown to pick up the announcements that were to be waiting for me yesterday. Of course they weren't ready yet so I stood around for an hour while they finished printing them. The whole point of not picking them up yesterday was to give the ink a chance to dry overnight. I went through all forty one by one and good thing! Some were printed crooked and some were smudged. They finally made it right and I left. You learn to never assume anything here. Just because the one on top is good (what ever it might be) doesn't mean the rest are!
I agree Kitchenpete, usually there's kissing first then the discussions about a relationship follow, not the other way around. Of course in this neck of the woods people don't discuss whether or not to have a relationship. They either have one if there's chemistry or if not they don't period. But I know what you're talking about. I remember well. It's the same in the US. You can date for weeks and weeks with out determining if you're going to be friends or lovers. (Not saying one excludes the other.) In the culture I find myself in now that doesn't happen. It's understood that boys and girls are together for one reason. Likewise there is no word for girlfriend here. "Amiga" means friend and "novia" means fiance. There's no in between. I have to say I kind of like it. It makes life and relationships a lot simpler. Good luck to you however it pans out.
Dear Diary, My wife and I went to Home Depot to look at built in dishwashers. She wants to replace the one we have, because it's not working well. I told her Sears charges $66 for delivery and $120 for installation, while Home Depot has free delivery and charges $50 for installation. I bet she goes to Sears. c.i.
KP, my hubby-to-be and I had been together for 5 months when I went gallivanting off to London (he remained back in Madison, Wisconsin.) Parting was not such sweet sorrow -- it was gut-wrenchingly horrible, and I cried the whole dang plane trip -- but we wrote passels of letters and when we reuinited 6 months later, knew that we were in something really serious. (That was ~ 10 years ago.)
Best of luck.
C.I Sure she will, higher cost means higher quality...doesn't it?
KP, great posting for Valentines' Day.
C.I., I'm grinning with you.
Dear Diary,
It is so nice to walk on the beach with my husband and our dog Sam. Dogs have such a pure sense of joy and love of life and, I suppose, of simply being a dog. Maybe it's all the dogginess that is so appealing about them.
We are becoming Florida citizens since we spend a litttle more than half the year here. I'm not sure I want to vote in a state with hanging chads and an attitude that seems to say, "Vote early and often!" Oh well.
Msolga, it was great to read your post about the rally protesting the imminent war in Iraq. More and more people here are organizing and protesting. It is a little surreal to watch the news with all the hype, knowing that so many of us are totally opposed. We can only hope that the protests will be successful.
KP, always love reading about your love life. I do hope things work out between you and the woman you care for. Long distance relationships are difficult, but they can work if there is enough commitment on both parts.
Pitter, your last post had me wanting to get on the plane and fly to the States. We complain about the beaurocracy here, but when I hear what people from many other countries go through, I realize that we don't have it so bad. I had a friend from Italy whose husband died. Her tales of dealing with Italian beaurocrats sounded like a Monty Python script.
Happy Valentines day to all.
Dear Diary Prices
Mapleaf here are more prices: taxi ride minimum charge which gets you within a 10-15 minute radius 72 cents. city bus to anywhere 31 cents. But my upcoming wedding costs might be more fun so here they are:
Cost for renting the church $46.42
Liquor for 70, three cases each rum and champaign $315.00
Invitations $57.14
Reception hall $836. 42
Flowers for above and church $648.92
Band for the evening till 3am $285.71
Organist $28.57
Photografer includes video $224.28
Recordatorios (keepsakes) $91.07
Dress shoes for both $42.85
Inscribed gold wedding bands (2) $125.00
Gown and tux rental $100.00
For a grand total with all the taxi rides of about $3000.00
Interesting...sometimes this internet business is surreal, being able to plug into someone's life on another continent. What a great way to learn!
Pitter,
What cultural differences are almost in direct contrast to your western culture background? By the way, what did you do in your first life?
Mapleleaf,
I'd have to say the "macho" culture is the greatest difference though in the cities at least even that is being americanized. A couple of years ago I had a little girlfriend from my Dutch friend's village. She was very poor and I wanted to get her some jeans and a blouse before I left. The three of us went down to the city of Tulua where there was more selection. She picked out some jeans and asked me what I thought. My "American man" response was "whatever you like honey, you're going to wear them" but my friend said emphaticly in English "No no! you tell her! It's what she expects. In this culture the man makes the decisions." So I drew myself up and tried to look stern and said "These!" whereupon she cheerfully acquiesced like we'd been reading from a script. It was an eye opener for me.
A real downside to this macho culture is the huge percentage of unwed child mothers. Lucia, above is twenty three and has a nine year old boy and my fiance has a seventeen year old cousin who is expecting in a few months. They rarely use condoms unless the girl is a hooker. I think this stems in part from the fact that male children are horribly spoiled here. Many times I've seen little boys behaving in a way that would get them a kick in the pants where I come from but here they are completely indulged.
Also regarding male/female relationships large age gaps are common. Once I was talking with a group of Americans here and one was a young thirty year old who complained that he couldn't get anywhere with girls in the 22 to 30 age range. "Lie about your age", we told him. He would be considered more eligible even by twenty one year olds if he was forty five or so as they consider younger men (even 30) to be irresponsible gadabouts and skirt chasers.
In my former life I was a sculpture professor.
I know I overuse "interesting" but I love to read your postings. The old social studies teacher part of me just vibrates.
Sculpture professor...neat...neat...neat! What medium did you prefer...stone, castings, etc. ? Or did you do more teaching than sculpting.
What part of the Columbian culture do you find fascinating?
Mostly welded steel.
As to fascinating well some of the negatives are pretty interesting for example the issue of trust. I'm constantly told by Colombians "never trust anyone". Yesterday I told my fiance about a scam on foreigners another gringo told me about in Bogota wherein an official looking guy with an "id" tells you he's police and has to check your documents and also your cash as there's a lot of counterfiting, usually works with someone else who cheerfully hands over their money first to inspire your confidence. He then makes a quick trip to the station etc. etc. Well she heard that and laughed and laughed and said how foolishly trusting are foreigners, that she wouldn't hand over her money even to (President) Uribe!
Dear Diary
This morning piddled around on the internet then loaded up my jig saw and extension cord and took a cab over to my fiance's house (15 minutes away on Sundays.) I was going to cut an eighty centimeter section out of one of the scrap boards her mother uses for fuel to cook big pots of tamales. However her mother had already set aside one that's just the right length so I didn't need my tools after all. The board is to mount on a fence outside my living room window so I can set out over ripe bananas, oranges and papayas to attract what ever shows up but hopefully some tanagers. There is a very common one called Azuelito that is an attractive pale blue. I hope the fruit will bring in something I haven't seen yet. A while back I hung out a hummingbird feeder but watched for weeks as hummingbirds fed a meter away on the bright red flowers of a Carbonero tree completely ignoring the feeder. It was popular however with Bananaquits which seem to have a beak as slender as the hummers. In fact I later saw them feeding from flowers too so that explains their behavior at my feeder.
My fiance made lunch. She never cooked at home, her mother has always done it so she's trying her hand at what will be one of her future responsibilities as a wife in this culture. One of mine will be learning to dance Salsa. Frankly I'd rather to learn to cook if I had a choice. At least cooking you don't have to stay out till four in the morning in some disco with earsplitting music but that's not how it works here.
Pitter, how enjoyable to read! Have fun Salsa dancing!
Dear Diary,
can you believe it - I got a message from my ex-boss asking me to look after my ex-colleague because she should eat more and all. Oh boy, am I still responsible to run that office? As to looking after her - of course I do. She is my friend. I think it's her boss's task to keep her happy at work. It was mine while I was her boss - but not anymore.
But today is Monday - Stefan's day. I will deal with Susan tomorrow.
Tonight we will go out to our favorite Italian restaurant and enjoy being together. A good way to drag both of us away from the computer :-)
Dear Diary --- or may I call you by your 1st name, Gregorian ?
p.s. how's your wife, Calender
p.s. how's your wife, Calender
