Flushd, Tagged isn't my daughter, though. There are a whole lot of things I would say to my daughter that I don't say to people here, who I regard as essentially peers. In fact, that's one of the things I didn't like, the patronizing vibe. (She doesn't already know these things?)
As it happens though, I'd probably say something similar if my daughter was Tagged's age. There's only so much I can say, and I've found in my work with young adults that putting things out there and then saying some variation of "I trust you to do the right thing" is way more effective than "DON'T DO THAT!"
Especially -- and this is something nimh and I have both reacted to -- if I was actually having this conversation with an adult daughter (seems unlikely to me, but who knows!) I'd be saying something like yeah, great sex has value itself and I'd understand that it's difficult to make a clear-eyed decision in the face of it. NOT that whole "must be a man/ she's lying/ she has a medical condition if she likes sex so much" thing.
Tagged isn't perfect, no. If this were a thread where a bunch of people were lauding her perfection and how she always makes exactly the right choices and has had such a hard life and is a paragon of, uh, something, I might read along for a while, see if the direction changed of its own accord, and then say "well..." This happened to be the other way around -- I said something when the weight of the onslaught seemed disproportionate to what she'd actually done. Balancing, as you said.
Meanwhile, yes, I do think there are worse things than being a single woman involved with a married man. If, for example, SHE was the one who was married, and having a relationship with a single man, I think she would be far more at fault. The married party is the one who made commitments, vows, all that, and is breaking them. Unless the "other (wo)man" actively entraps the married one, (involving, I dunno, roofies or something) the married one is more at fault. It was his decision, and he has much more at stake.
Again, I'm not saying it's a good thing or even morally neutral or whatever -- it's something I would endeavor not to do (and have never done). I've also never smoked a cigarette, gotten really drunk, or done any drugs. That doesn't mean that if I see someone being jumped all over for saying that she occasionally smokes pot when she's an adult and knows the risks and is already considering stopping I won't say, "C'mon, guys..."
(I know, Swimpy.)
Hear, hear. Like I said: voice of reason.
Soz, I'm slightly chagrinned, but, unfortunately, my mind is unchanged.
There is a new thread that may be more interesting than this one:
Let's Play Which Smilie Should Die
hmmm, I'm quite sure if an unmarried peer approached me and told me that she was a little bit immoral and selfish and proceeded to tell me the story as told here, I would agree with her opinion of herself and ask her what possible motive she had in telling me such a thing.
Precisely as was done here. From Slappy's first response of 'So what's your point?' to her feeling of being judged, when the only one judging her was herself (in her title), to the assessment that she was being flamed (still can't find any flames) and a double-standard was being applied (when it wasn't), I still see nothing out of line in any of the responses on this thread. The only one who knows 'why' she started this thread is tagged. She's moved on to greater heights, perhaps the family has departed.
Have fun tagged, the only one you have to look at in the mirror is yourself.
J_B wrote: Have fun tagged, the only one you have to look at in the mirror is yourself.
Good point, J_B, and since we all have different standards of moral,
she probably will (look at the mirror)
This has been a great thread. Thanks Tagged!
J_B wrote:hmmm, I'm quite sure if an unmarried peer approached me and told me that she was a little bit immoral and selfish and proceeded to tell me the story as told here, I would agree with her opinion of herself and ask her what possible motive she had in telling me such a thing.
Precisely as was done here. From Slappy's first response of 'So what's your point?' to her feeling of being judged, when the only one judging her was herself (in her title), to the assessment that she was being flamed (still can't find any flames) and a double-standard was being applied (when it wasn't), I still see nothing out of line in any of the responses on this thread. The only one who knows 'why' she started this thread is tagged. She's moved on to greater heights, perhaps the family has departed.
Have fun tagged, the only one you have to look at in the mirror is yourself.
My thoughts exactly, J_B.
Quote: NOT that whole "must be a man/ she's lying/ she has a medical condition if she likes sex so much" thing.
This is where I get lost, 'cause I didn't see any of this in the thread except by Tagged herself. Which influenced my reaction, honestly.
Oh well, we disagree. No harm, no foul. Thanks for the comments, Soz. Your position makes sense to me, even if I don't agree with it.
.....
I agree that J_B's post was good.
