okay so maybe i am a little bit immoral and selfish but...

When someone confesses to a moral lapse on these types of forums, they're typically seeking one of three things:

(1) they want someone to tell them they're wrong;
(2) they want someone to tell them they're right;
(3) they want someone to tell them they're AWESOME!

I can't quite tell what tagged wants us to tell her, but I suspect it's (3).

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Is it possible that this thread is being taken too seriously? The first post in the thread sounds like one of Gustav's elaborate stories.

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Wandeljw, Joe, you obviously havent been following tagged's posts <shrugs>

Altho I get what Noddy, flushd, Cypher are saying, I still think the fiercity of comment is odd. Slappy's been handing out tips on how to pick up girls at bars, describing how he did it and stuff, and did anyone flame him like this?

I still smell a double standard.

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nimh,

I didn't read much beyond the first post. It actually sounded like a joke. Maybe there is a double standard if people are actually attacking tagged lyricist. It would be like attacking Gus!

(By the way, joefromchicago needs to get back to the legal forum. He is spending way too much time on this forum. Smile

)

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wandeljw wrote:

Maybe there is a double standard if people are actually attacking tagged lyricist. It would be like attacking Gus!

Tagged is for real <shrugs>

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nimh wrote:

Wandeljw, Joe, you obviously havent been following tagged's posts <shrugs>

I've read every post in this thread. Is there something else I should be reading so that I get the whole picture?

nimh wrote:

Altho I get what Noddy, flushd, Cypher are saying, I still think the fiercity of comment is odd. Slappy's been handing out tips on how to pick up girls at bars, describing how he did it and stuff, and did anyone flame him like this?

I still smell a double standard.

I haven't read any of Slappy's threads, and it's not likely that I would take them seriously if I did. On the other hand, I take tagged seriously -- if I didn't I wouldn't have posted to this thread. I just don't know what her point in all of this might be.

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Admittedly I havnt readthe whole thread but I dont know what the question is if there is one.

Either have sex with him or dont.

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nimh wrote:

Wandeljw, Joe, you obviously havent been following tagged's posts <shrugs>

Altho I get what Noddy, flushd, Cypher are saying, I still think the fiercity of comment is odd. Slappy's been handing out tips on how to pick up girls at bars, describing how he did it and stuff, and did anyone flame him like this?

I still smell a double standard.

Looking for flames, nimh. They aren't jumping out at me.

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Im sure your not the first person he has cheated on his wife/girlfriend with and you wont be the last.

As for being his mistress, dont limit yourself.Make sure he knows yor not waiting around for hima and as soon as youve found someone who gives you sex thats as good, youl be off.

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joefromchicago wrote:

On the other hand, I take tagged seriously -- if I didn't I wouldn't have posted to this thread. I just don't know what her point in all of this might be.

I guess it really is just me who thought it was a hoax. (Actually it is not a good idea for anyone to post on a thread that they do not take seriously.)

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On the double standard, nimh, I don't agree with you. I think if one of the regular guys came on here and said they had hooked up with a hot, married woman who had a young child and a husband, we'd be all over his ass in the same way.

A while back Kicky had a thread about being attracted to a woman in a class he was taking but she was married. No one here was telling him to take her for whatever he could get and enjoy the ride (ok, maybe Slappy, but he didn't mean it). Actually, we all counseled against it. Had he come here and bragged about screwing a married woman and how he was going back at her as soon as the family disappeared I think he would have gotten the same response as tagged.

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joefromchicago wrote:

nimh wrote:
Wandeljw, Joe, you obviously havent been following tagged's posts <shrugs>

I've read every post in this thread. Is there something else I should be reading so that I get the whole picture?

Yes, obviously. If you'd been following her, you wouldnt have assumed the simple conclusion that the only motive for posting could be the 1), 2) or 3) you listed. I dont think. Or perhaps you would have, I dunno. It certainly seems like a mis-take on it to me.

When you seen people post here about their life here & there over time you get a feeling for their 'voice' and what they are about. And you can see kinda how things might fit in or not. The outsider coming in and saying, oh she must be out for 1), 2), or 3) just seems kinda off.

Dunno. Some people use this place as a kind of diary - we even have a 'dear diary' thread. Something occupies you, you come here and write about it. (Specially if its not something youre gonna discuss with your parents or something). Not specifically to get advice, just to talk ('get it out of your system' sounds too weighty). Like blogging.

Why do people do that? I dunno.. different reasons. But people do it (I sure do), and hardly just to provoke one of the three reactions you listed. <shrugs>

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Outsider? Is this a club?

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Ok, i thought my meaning was pretty obvious. Someone who never came across the person's posts before.

Everyone is free to comment on a board, of course. But just like when you enter into a group conversation, you hear what someone is saying, and say: "oh, that must mean you're out for a), b) or c)" - when you've never met the person in question before - well, you're pretty liable to get it wrong.

Which was my answer to Joe's specific question, "Is there something else I should be reading so that I get the whole picture?"

A rather obvious answer, I'd have thought. If someone only ever read the posts I made in one specific thread about something personal, then any judgement he would jump to on my motives for posting it will not be based on "the whole picture".

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joefromchicago wrote:

When someone confesses to a moral lapse on these types of forums, they're typically seeking one of three things:

(1) they want someone to tell them they're wrong;
(2) they want someone to tell them they're right;
(3) they want someone to tell them they're AWESOME!

I can't quite tell what tagged wants us to tell her, but I suspect it's (3).

nimh wrote:

When you seen people post here about their life here & there over time you get a feeling for their 'voice' and what they are about. And you can see kinda how things might fit in or not. The outsider coming in and saying, oh she must be out for 1), 2), or 3) just seems kinda off.

nimh wrote:

Everyone is free to comment on a board, of course. But just like when you enter into a group conversation, you hear what someone is saying, and say: "oh, that must mean you're out for a), b) or c)" - when you've never met the person in question before - well, you're pretty liable to get it wrong.

I only see one person using the word 'must' or any other absolute.

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I've been reading a lot of tagged's post and I've come to a similar conclusion to Joe's.

It does make one wonder why a person would post such a topic. To be lauded? Spanked? Cheered on? I suppose there are other reasons but those three do loom rather large.

Personally, I dunno, call me crazy, but I actually think such things are private and don't share 'em with the 'net unless I want some form of a reaction. This forum (relationships) does lend itself to more advice-giving than just recording and venting, at least that's how I've been noticing it tends to unfold. Recording and venting tends to come out in Original Writing or, as you mentioned in the Dear Diary topic. Not always -- it's not a hard and fast rule -- but someone posting in the Relationships forum is bound to get a reaction of some sort.

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I havn't read this thread yet, but I suspect that Tagged (or anyone sharing morally questionable actions) might do so in order to gauge the moral status of his actions. We serve as a kind of moral audience, as it were, for his immoral performances, made up or real.
We do the same thing in gauging the validity of our intellectual notions. I like (well, sometimes it's a bit painful) to submit my ideas to the critical likes of, say, JoeFromChicago and other members of what I consider to be my intellectual audience.

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Tagged was just being young and excited and unthinking.

I'm sure she didn't consider that for instance she was going to be announcing to a lot of married women here that she was screwing someones husband.

Never mind what kind of guy this is. That sort of thing just doesn't set right with married ladies. Shocked

"oh my dear, that sounds like such fun!!! I'm sure that silly wife of his doesn't suspect a thing. And anyway, she's too busy to have wild sex with him because she's busy washing his socks. Rolling Eyes

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...yes..and don't you wonder how those children would feel if they discovered Daddy is diddling someone? Wonder if they discovered this just how badly they'd feel about trust and loving relationships.

Remember - All Actions have consequences.

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nimh wrote:

Yes, obviously. If you'd been following her, you wouldnt have assumed the simple conclusion that the only motive for posting could be the 1), 2) or 3) you listed. I dont think. Or perhaps you would have, I dunno. It certainly seems like a mis-take on it to me.

As J_B pointed out, I didn't say that tagged must have been either looking for censure, looking for approval, or looking for attention. I just noted that, in my experience, that is what people typically do when they confess some sort of moral lapse on these types of boards. Saying that I ruled out anything but those three motives certainly seems like a mistake to me <shrugs>.

nimh wrote:

When you seen people post here about their life here & there over time you get a feeling for their 'voice' and what they are about. And you can see kinda how things might fit in or not. The outsider coming in and saying, oh she must be out for 1), 2), or 3) just seems kinda off.

I freely admit that I don't know tagged's "voice," whatever that is. I'm not even sure I'd recognize my own "voice," but that's neither here nor there <looks>. The fact that tagged posted this on an open forum invited people who had no familiarity with her "voice" to offer comment <scratches>. If she had wanted only intimate friends, or perhaps members of her immediate family, to read about her tryst, I'm sure she could have found a more appropriate venue <taps_foot>.

nimh wrote:

Dunno. Some people use this place as a kind of diary - we even have a 'dear diary' thread. Something occupies you, you come here and write about it. (Specially if its not something youre gonna discuss with your parents or something). Not specifically to get advice, just to talk ('get it out of your system' sounds too weighty). Like blogging.

Had tagged wanted to submit this as a diary entry, then, as you point out, there's a diary thread for that. That she didn't indicates either that she wanted some sort of comment, or else that she wanted a good deal more attention than she would have received had she posted this as a mere diary entry. But then that just supports the point I made in my initial post <stares_intently><furrows_brow><sneezes>.

nimh wrote:

Why do people do that? I dunno.. different reasons. But people do it (I sure do), and hardly just to provoke one of the three reactions you listed. <shrugs>

Yes, people sometimes are maddeningly inscrutable <yawns><takes_nap>.

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okay so maybe i am a little bit immoral and selfish but...

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