The Sexual Intelligence Test

Quote:

here's obvious problems with sex ed and sexual politics in the US - teenage pregnancies, attitide towards gays, the abstinence creed etc. But when it comes to what goes on in people's bedrooms, people way overplay the differences. For a variety of motivations. Sometimes it's just a ego thing, you know - we're so much more sophisticated. Take that with a grain of salt.

nimh, is so utterly full of it, not even getting the point some of us are
trying to make. Evil or Very Mad

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CalamityJane wrote:

chai, I am not visiting the US, I live here and have lived here for a long

sorry for the miscommunication, I know you live here, I was addressing that part to Francis.

cj....it's not just my inlaws I was talking about....I honestly don't know anyone on a personal basis that is repressed sexually.

like shewolf mentions...it's an IMAGE...that's not reality.

perhaps you're looking at what people seem to be...example...I knew this woman, who to look at her was one of those who never even saw herself naked...and honestly, she gave that projection too in her bahavior.

One evening, she floored me...telling me a long sorry of having abortions (plural) behind her husbands back...his alcoholism, her sexual curiosity about other women, and much more.

To look at her, you would have thought she was the church lady personified....shirts buttoned to the chin...frumpy denim skirts, old lady sensible shoes. You never would have know the vixen that lived inside her.

cj...you keep saying people like me are the exception....without giving dozens of other stories, and I could....that is just entirely wrong. Really and truly.

Like I said in a previous post...It's just that the people who ARE the exception, the prudes...just have the biggest mouths and their squeaky wheels get greased....or they are so overpowering, others just say they agree with them so they'll shut the f*ck up.

Oh...Nimh...Janet Jackson and her ward robe malfunction? What a joke. A few prudes with a ramrod up their ass got excited over it, making it a national deal.

Regular "normal" people couldn't have cared less.

It's just the image these loud mouths want to portray. The rest of us are home having the time of our lives...

Speaking off which, I'm going to break for some time now Cool

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Francis wrote:

nimh wrote:
Perhaps I'm of a different generation than CJ and Francis,

And maybe of a different conception of life and behavior too...

Well, if the difference in life and behaviour involves me meeting sexually articulate and assertive American women, while you have the impression that they come with the "church lady's syndrom", I heartily welcome the difference! Razz

I mean, seriously. I'm with Chai here. American women with "church lady's syndrom"? Who are (thinking of CJ's posts here) averse of sex and/or inarticulate about it? <blinks>

I admit, I'm lucky of course - I mean, any Americans I meet are Americans who have travelled (to Europe, where I met them ;-)) - you know, like they're students or work abroad or whatever - so they're not likely to be, like, Kansas evangelicals or something - but I just dont recognize that, at all, not among American girls my age I've met.

I mean, its all anecdotal evidence of course. I've had one American girlfriend, another American lover and kissed two other American girls - and I've had a bunch of American acquaintances over time, and you know, you talk about stuff. And again, if anything they seem more bold and straight-up than European girls. My sister's teacher friend's story sure seemed to chime in with that.

shewolfnm wrote:

Chai Tea wrote:

Repressed.....

It isnt the actual people that are repressed.

We all screw everyone at any time and love it the entire time!

it is the IMAGE that america gives to other countries.

It is the petty arguements .. about... breastfeeding being sexual
that feeds that image.

At least.. that is what i think is going on..

Yep. <nods>

Thats I think what I was trying to say as well.

There's like the politics of sex - Janet's "Nipplegate", half the class refusing sex ed - and there's freedom or repression in the bedroom. When it comes to the latter, I think Americans aint any more reticent than those elsewhere in the world - at least our generation and younger aint.

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Quote:

nimh wrote:
Shewolfnm1 wrote:
I personally think that america is really ass backwards when it comes to sex, and ideas of sex.

Well, in this case I think you are being too hard on yourselves.

Not necessarily.
( and posted this before I read the rest of your post.)

Our sexual education dept's right now are fighting against laws that will teach almost exclusive abstinence..
Show me one teenage group where that type of education will work.

Those are the kinds of points that I see are ass backwards.
Not EVERYTHING.. but it seems that all the important things.. are going assbackwards.

Quote:
As for abusive and unnatural porn porn -- thats hardly an American exclusive. Everyone knows the Japanese are crazy, heh. No, I mean seriously - sexual aberration is hardly an American thing.

Ya got me there.
Those are some WIERD ideas

But ( ignorant question here) isnt most asian porn animated?
Though the sick thoughts are the same in animated vs live porn...
animated devils raping women with the peni' on the tips of their wings is a bit more ( cough) acceptable then people ramming baseball bats inside of womens anus' calling it 'erotic'

but.. diffrent topic entirely..

Quote:
said the average German couple only had sex once a week or something, and 40% (or some such weird number) would rather read a good book. .

( cant say anything more to THAT post.. )

Quote:
There's obvious problems with sex ed and sexual politics in the US -

yup. And THAT is my basis for "bashing" america in the bedroom..
Not the specific people, its the government rules, regulations, laws and the image they TRY to portray..

Quote:
teenage pregnancies, attitide towards gays, the abstinence creed etc. But when it comes to what goes on in people's bedrooms, people way overplay the differences. For a variety of motivations. Sometimes it's just a ego thing, you know - we're so much more sophisticated. Take that with a grain of salt.

Im not quite sure I get you there.. ?

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Yes chai, I have lots of personal stories too, having worked at Planned
Parenthood and counseled young girls who didn't know squat, but that's
besides the point - we'd be just trading off stories.

You're saying it is just a mere image and not reality of Americans, but for
non reality, there is just too much puritan presence in this country. These
are not just a few loud mouth people, these are people with influence -
like Janet Jackson's boob incident - who take objection and action on it.
Why is there such government interference in how sex education is taught?
Why is abstinence such a big issue in this country? Why is prostitution
illegal? Why are teenage pregnancies so high in this country? And the
questions can go on and on.....

Only an image? I don't think so!

Have a great break - I'll do the same Cool

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shewolfnm wrote:

nimh wrote:
There's obvious problems with sex ed and sexual politics in the US -

yup. And THAT is my basis for "bashing" america in the bedroom..
Not the specific people, its the government rules, regulations, laws and the image they TRY to portray..

Well, we're pretty much saying the same thing then, arent we? Chai and you and me and Patio, etc..

Like, "sex politics" in the US is f*cked up. I think everyone in this thread agrees with that. On everything from the hang-up about public nudity to the dirth of sex education and the narrowminded politics on gay marriage, abortion etc. But to extrapolate from that, that you know - Americans "in general" have sex in a "darkened room, once a month, a chore to fulfill, glad when it's over" - is just silly.

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Quote:

You're saying it is just a mere image and not reality of Americans, but for
non reality, there is just too much puritan presence in this country. These
are not just a few loud mouth people, these are people with influence -
like Janet Jackson's boob incident - who take objection and action on it.
Why is there such government interference in how sex education is taught?
Why is abstinence such a big issue in this country? Why is prostitution
illegal? Why are teenage pregnancies so high in this country? And the
questions can go on and on.....

Well said.

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Jane, you sound like you might be loose. I might be swinging through San Diego in early September.

Perhaps a cocktail? A little slow dancing by the pool?

I will wear clean overalls.

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gustavratzenhofer wrote:

Jane, you sound like you might be loose. I might be swinging through San Diego in early September.

Perhaps a cocktail? A little slow dancing by the pool?

I will wear clean overalls.

I see, you've got my number Wink

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Quote:

I mean, its all anecdotal evidence of course. I've had one American girlfriend, another American lover and kissed two other American girls - and I've had a bunch of American acquaintances over time, and you know, you talk about stuff.

Of course, that makes one an expert Rolling Eyes

Ah, I got to sign off, before I forget my good manners....

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Having lived through the sixties and seventies and beyond with a lot of sexual enthusiasm and openness myself, I only smile when I read a lot of these 'you're so repressed' comments. There is a lecturing element about them that I feel is misplaced.

But there's something to them. Part of the energy of that sixties sexual rebellion was that it was rebelling to the apparent, and I think real, severity of the fifties. Now, the fifties might have been a blip instead of indicator of all that went before... or not. The more I hear about earlier decades, the more I think I was raised in a repressive blip in the fifties - but that that blip harkened back to a lot of puritanical backgrounding.

And I think another bigger blip has come along with what I see as an astounding rise in fundamental type hidebounding, astonishingly broadly distributed, and astonishingly powerful in its noise and vote getting.

I've conjectured for a long time that we've kept on with the puritanic stuff because of the joy that happens with breaking the rules. All those preachers living two lives, and all those children of preachers acting out... so that there is a push pull thing going on, besides sex I mean, a push pull of black and white good and badness. Thus Playboy as being, er, dirtyness for sale (smile). But I don't really think we (speaking nationally) keep the puritanical stuff up for the thrill of breaking rules - it just seems that way. I think the fun of the rule break may be addictive though.

It may even have to do with our drinking - in that there is an escapist quality to drinking, drugs, et al. Sure, it's in Europe too, but there is more of a cultural understanding in at least some parts of Europe of not using these things to "go blotto", more for, mmm, being a simple pleasure, additive to the enjoyment of life.

As for who I know that's sexually repressed, can't think of anyone I personally know right now, but then one selects one's friends.

Fear of pleasure may be part of what is going on. But no, not everywhere or even with most people in the US.

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CalamityJane wrote:

Yes chai, I have lots of personal stories too, having worked at Planned
Parenthood and counseled young girls who didn't know squat, but that's
besides the point - we'd be just trading off stories.

You're saying it is just a mere image and not reality of Americans, but for
non reality, there is just too much puritan presence in this country. These
are not just a few loud mouth people, these are people with influence -
like Janet Jackson's boob incident - who take objection and action on it.
Why is there such government interference in how sex education is taught?
Why is abstinence such a big issue in this country? Why is prostitution
illegal? Why are teenage pregnancies so high in this country? And the
questions can go on and on.....

Only an image? I don't think so!

Have a great break - I'll do the same

cj - we are saying EXACTLY the same thing...but I come out of it with the perspective that I really don't give a fat rats ass about the "big mouths", what you are calling people with political clout...think. We just disagree (respectfully) on the outcome.

I guess that's why I have no interest in politics, it's all just a bunch of talk.

I know what's going on behind closed doors, and that's all that matters to me.
If I had a kid, they'd have the straight poop on sex, I'm not going to rely on the gov't or schools to teach them, and they'd be a damn sight more educated on sexual matters than kids who get in in other ways. I can't help it if some people wait around for someone else to do it for them.

I have never once in my life let political influences tell me who I can fu(k, and how. For those that do, I pity them. Problem is, that's who the rest of the world hears about.

BTW....Puritans...I remember reading somewhere that about half the girls who married during those days were already with child. I think the Puritans got a bad rap with the sex biz...

nimh...you are correct in your view...really.

osso....thanks, I was starting to think I was going nuts. :wink:

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Quote:

I guess that's why I have no interest in politics, it's all just a bunch of talk.

You're going to tell somebody who volunteered at Planned Parenthood that politics is just a bunch of talk?

However much we may wish it was so (and I do, I do), it just ain't. Political machinations have profound effects on people (usually those able to offer the least resistance).

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That's interesting, re the puritan brides. Well, I was taught in my Catholic school that it is a sin to have take pleasure in the marriage act when married. I can't remember now if it was supposed to be a mortal or venial sin. That was an especially strict school even for those times and the teacher was a much older nun. (That may have something to do with folks' fantasies about uniformed school girls, the whole sexuality of repression in itself.) Whatever, there was a puritanical streak in my own schooling. And all my classmates grew up to be voters...
Luckily, they lived through the sixties and seventies too, or most of them did, and that and other aspects of real life had a de-puritanizing effect.

Maybe life will help de-puritanize today's uptight folk, today's uptight voters.

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patiodog wrote:

Quote:
I guess that's why I have no interest in politics, it's all just a bunch of talk.

You're going to tell somebody who volunteered at Planned Parenthood that politics is just a bunch of talk?

However much we may wish it was so (and I do, I do), it just ain't. Political machinations have profound effects on people (usually those able to offer the least resistance).

I'm not telling anybody anything...I was giving my take on politics. Politics have never even had a miniscule effect on me.

I take life as it comes, agree if it seems the way to avoid bullshit...then go on and do what I was going to do anyway.

I haven't been caught yet.

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CalamityJane wrote:

Quote:
I mean, its all anecdotal evidence of course. I've had one American girlfriend, another American lover and kissed two other American girls - and I've had a bunch of American acquaintances over time, and you know, you talk about stuff.

Of course, that makes one an expert

Errrr, no... it makes for "anecdotal evidence" - as I already said, right there, in that same bit you quoted.

Thing is, if there's a bunch of people who don't recognize any of the people they know in the picture you sketched of "the general notion" re Americans and sex, there may well be something off with your notion.

Thats all, really.

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nimh wrote:

Well, we're pretty much saying the same thing then, arent we? Chai and you and me and Patio, etc..

Like, "sex politics" in the US is f*cked up. I think everyone in this thread agrees with that. On everything from the hang-up about public nudity to the dirth of sex education and the narrowminded politics on gay marriage, abortion etc. But to extrapolate from that, that you know - Americans "in general" have sex in a "darkened room, once a month, a chore to fulfill, glad when it's over" - is just silly.

here ya loud and clear. Cool

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(Next I'll hear that I'm too repressed to see it...)
Well, no, that's not fair. CJane did say there are exceptions.
And I've lived in one of the more famously hedonistic areas of California (Venice, Santa Monica, friends in Malibu, yadda yadda) for decades, have friends in the design, art, theater, and screenwriting worlds, which may color my viewpoint. Still, those are only a minor portion of the folks I know.

Where I haven't spent decades is in far flung suburbs, or the southern part of the US. I noticed several of the freakers on the breastfeeding quote were from Texas, not to malign all of Texas.

That's what I don't like, whether it is about puritanism in the US or how terrible conservatives or lefties are - it's the tendency of many of us at different times, and I won't exclude myself, to paint people with a wide brush of generality.

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The shape the states are in now is a shame when it comes to sexuality.

Anything, and I mean ANYTHING remotely sexual that is seen with human eyes is almost frowned upon here.

Imagine if the world took the United States' advice on sex, which is abstinence.....well it seems to me the world would come to an abrupt end in no more than 2 generations' time.

And were supposed to take this governemnt's advice? Rolling Eyes

God forbid people should be having....sex Shocked

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Again, I don't know a single person who recommends abstinence, and haven't for many years. But don't get me started on our government and the voters who made all this stricture possible.

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The Sexual Intelligence Test

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