Lola's Salon

You know, that boy experimented with Lysergic Acid, on himself . . . he might enjoy a little "trip" in the Wizardmobile . . . what's our next stop, you can only take so much Hippopotomi ballet . . .

Lola ready to go in back seat........along for the ride.......enjoying not having to be in charge........smokin a little ..feelin good

and
As Lola, in slinky black, slides her legs across the seat of the '59 DeSotowizardluxo, her shapely thigh bumped into something hard. A vase, and in it...

Why thank you B. Will you light the fire?

Stradee, Jespah, P&L and Diane continue going through the chest, which was really a steamer trunk, trying on dresses and jewelry. They find another hoop skirt, making them surmise that these treasures had been left behind sometime in the late 50's. There were old negliges from Fredericks of Hollywood, high heels, Givenchy gowns, feather boas and long satin gloves.

Jes,trying on a gorgeous halter top, ala Marilyn Monroe, says,"This is better than playing dress-up in the attic!" "Who left all this behind? Could this be an old wardrobe from a movie set? All we have to do is figure out if any movies were filmed in Africa during the 50's and this crowd is up to the task," murmurs Diane as she puts on dangly diamond earrings, the satin gloves, topping it off by wrapping a boa around her neck, humming to herself, "The minute you walked in the joint...."

"LW, Setanta, get over here," P&L and Stradee call as they rope the men in with another boa. "Look at these shoes, this London Fog raincoat and these great old hats--you look fabulous!"

The men, having dealt with a hungry, movie loving hippo, are ready for exploring this trunk of treasures. They also start looking at the stickers on the trunk as well as checking for initials on the front. The history and identity of who left all this behind was beginning to consume each of them.

Of course, P&L is still calling out, "Here giraffe," ever hopeful.

Lola wakes from her nap and joins the others, trying on clothes. Her slinky black pants are a little wrinkled and her hair a bit more tasselled than usual.

"LW, you know the answer to Diane's question. What movie was made in Africa in the 50s?" Setanta and Baltham, who has arrived from out of the haze, look like they know something about it too. I know you'll come up with something..........Lola chooses a slightly full black skirt and a backless white halter top with 50's high heel shoes and stockings and a green scarf tied around her neck like a choker.

As Lola reaches down to the bottom of the trunk and pulls out a black lace girdle, open at the back so that real skin can come through. "Look at this girls, do you remember these in the Frederick's of Hollywood catalog? I always wondered what the open places around the butt were for. Now I see, it's so if someone comes along and swats you on your bum, it feels like it's really you.

The women laugh and the men smile. "Now," says Lola, "let's find some food. I'm hungry."

Hebba realises that everyone has left the Go-Go Bar.He puts his last $20 in a safe warm place and goes out to hitch a ride.
An old Thunderbird stops.
"You going anyway near Africa?"Hebba asks the shocked driver.

Hey! look at this fedora--pull up the collar on this raincoat, pull down the hat, camel non-filter danglin' from my lip . . .

"What brings a classy dame like you out on night like this, schweetheart?"

"Africa?That near Duluth?"Replies the chowderhead behind the wheel.
"No Sir"

The chowderhead looked back, and hebba recognized him as, well, some sort of hoodlum driver, who was driving ...

Bugsy Siegel.

"Yeah, kid, I'm goin' out in the desert, gonna build Las Vegas. C'mon in, kid. Careful there, Virginia doesn't like it when boys like you get too close, do ya, Toots?"

Virginia just smiles an enigmatic smile, and then asks hebba for a light.

In deep silence, brilliant stars give way to the beginnings of a crackling orange dawn. From high above the desert floor, we pick up a rail line and a long train snaking it's way towards the distant purple mountains. There is no sound as it slowly derails, as the dust rises, as the wooden boxcars fold into one another, as they twist and burst open.

Midday...the wrinkling nose of a desert mouse sniffs the petals of a red rose and moves quickly to another as a second mouse scampers over the rich brown wood of a bass viola partially covered in sand and the helter skelter long stem roses. Around about, an eerily quiet chaos of boxcar pieces and the spilled contents of two cars - black leather cases torn apart and splintered violas and thousands of roses. The first mouse steps gingerly across the strings of a bass, and in this complete quiet, makes the first three notes of "Love Love Love".

To the strains of the song of the desert mouse and following a suggestion of a '50's movie, the WizardAfricantrekkermobile's satellite communication is programmed to locate King Soloman's Mines. It meanders across the African veldt and by luck comes across a very tall native with a highly decorated spear in hand who offers to lead us to our quarry. Diamonds are a girls best friend.

Diamonds, roses and love........and a train derailment.......purple mountain's majesty........oh, sorry, just purple mountains and King Solomon's Mines...................................so that's the reason for the Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie............

Just then, the organ began playing, "Take Me out to the Ballgame", and it was determined that the old song was slightly wrong.

Apparently, Baseball Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend.

Everyone begins whistling at Nomar Garciaparra except for the guys who all yell, "No batter! No batter!" until the peanut vendor tosses them crèpes Suzettes on a stick.

Off set, the producer is heard to yell, "OK STOP EVERYTHING! GODDAMMIT...JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

"Gonzo collaboration, boss!" says Jimmy, the overeager grip/gaffer/production assistant with a thyroid condition who can't understand why his old-fashioned musical based on the life of Franz Kafka has not been accepted by Hollywood and that the only way he can work in the business is to fetch lattes for overpaid producers.

Is the title of this film "The Last Buffoon" by any chance?

Lights dim on the set - (a dank place, though all three dark high in-leaning walls feature many windows, no light seems to penetrate)...A spotlight falls on dejected gaffer, who then immediately brightens, sets down the tray of lattes on the producer's lap and moves center stage. Chorus quietly files in from both wings, coming behind the gaffer in an arc.

CHORUS: (low, at dirge tempo, begin a sombre OOOOOOOOOO)

GAFFER: (singing, from the witness stand)
You'd think with all these windows
these rubber stamps and smiles
a courthouse would be just the place
for one to have one's trials
and speaking of that, tell me
who wrote this bloody mess
we ought to string the bugger up
I'd like his name or his address


CHORUS AND GAFFER: (to sprightly tempo)
K is for Krazy
A starts up the And
F is for the thing it's always for - I'll tell ya man, that
T is for Tedious
the second A for Ass
Krazy and ******* tedious...and Kafkaesque

(note...how can one, particularly if not a fan of Kafka, resist the invitation to do a little Kafka musical)

The unmistakeably poorly tuned Wizardmobile becomes audible in the distance

Oh, Mr. Blathan, I'm in love with your charm and wit...............may I sit next to you in the back seat of the WizardKafkaesquemobile as we sail away? I've always wanted to know a writer/director/producer......................


Sail Away
Sail Away
We'll cross the mighty ocean at the Charleston Bay......

You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on........
You give me reason to live
You give me reason to live
You can leave your hat on