Do you do the dirty talk?

smorgs wrote:

I also specialise in the Wench/Master type scenarios (being BRITISH)

But with a nylon outfit and a metal bedstead...

I have to be mindful of static!

x

OOH! AGAIN!!

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I have found myself saying things to a partner that I wouldnt say in normal conversation so I have to plead guilty to the dirty talk.

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Seriously, I really can't get into the talking. Maybe other nationalities can get away with this, but in Britain, either one or both partners would immediately fall about laughing.

I go all serious when I'm horizontal, and tend to just have one thing on my mind. Trying to talk about various sorts of pasta at that moment would not really help the situation.

I'm more into the kissing stuff.

Nuzzling's good as well!

OOH....and playbiting!

Did I mention kissing?

.....and the kitchen! There's nothing like the smell of sizzling garlic and finding that your wife's hands are covered in flour to get the brain locked into naughties. A slow hug from behind and a couple of passionate kisses on the nape of the neck, and dinner can be delayed by up to seven minutes on a good day.

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Garlic? garlic? Someone said something about garlic?...

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It never dawned on me that the person im with would find it funny.
Luckily Ive not been laughed at yet.
Sometimes I just have to say to the guy he is doing the right things, I saw it as a compliment.

I think from now on il keep quiet.

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Francis wrote:

Garlic? garlic? Someone said something about garlic?...

I remember a thing on TV not so long ago, when men were given a blind test, to see what they found most arousing. The vast majority went for fresh garlic, or garlic that was just being cooked.

The test was organised by a perfume company, and they were stunned by the results.

I remember thinking "Yes! That's me!"

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material girl wrote:

It never dawned on me that the person im with would find it funny.
Luckily Ive not been laughed at yet.
Sometimes I just have to say to the guy he is doing the right things, I saw it as a compliment.

I think from now on il keep quiet.

Or just moan quietly, whilst kneading bread!

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Gives a whole new meaning to 'Garlic Pearls'

(which is a supplement, in case you don't know - being American)

Dontcha just love GMT, we get the forum all to ourselves, apart from the pesky Europeans!

x

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Lord Ellpus wrote:

material girl wrote:
It never dawned on me that the person im with would find it funny.
Luckily Ive not been laughed at yet.
Sometimes I just have to say to the guy he is doing the right things, I saw it as a compliment.

I think from now on il keep quiet.

Or just moan quietly, whilst kneading bread!

While Im kneading it my arms may squidge my boobs together, in a low cut dress that may be suggestive.What if I then wipe the sweat from my brow with a floury hand.

Have I gone too far?!

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material girl wrote:

Lord Ellpus wrote:
material girl wrote:
It never dawned on me that the person im with would find it funny.
Luckily Ive not been laughed at yet.
Sometimes I just have to say to the guy he is doing the right things, I saw it as a compliment.

I think from now on il keep quiet.

Or just moan quietly, whilst kneading bread!

While Im kneading it my arms may squidge my boobs together, in a low cut dress that may be suggestive.What if I then wipe the sweat from my brow with a floury hand.

Have I gone too far?!

Now MG, that's the tactic you adopt when next inviting an unsuspecting young male back to your lair.
He will be rendered helpless in seconds.

Remember to wear an apron, and have a smudge of flour down one side of your face.

I'm going to have a lie down now.

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Hehe, I was visualizing an apron too, I was thinking of a 40's style red dress with white dots too.

I hate it when my imagination is better than reality.

Oh dear, it must be because i havnt talked dirty for ages that Im ahving to pounce on unsuspecting posters.
I do apologise and Il get back to reading the Bible.....in my nuns outfit...with heels...hehehehehe

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All I learned about dirty talk, I learned from Seinfeld.

Can't say it helped, much.

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Watching Seinfeld was your first mistake.

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They give great life tips. I recently tried George's "change everything" philosophy.

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material girl wrote:

Hehe, I was visualizing an apron too, I was thinking of a 40's style red dress with white dots too.

Oooh no! Tight jeans is a must, with a white Tshirt, and Misty Blue playing on the radio.

Combine all that with the cooking bit, and any red blooded male will be organisitic within seconds of walking into the kitchen.

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God dam it!! If only I know how to make bread!!!!!!
ANd if only I could get a disgustingly handsome guy to suddenly find me in the kitchen in such a scenario.
Life is so cruel.

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Well, if you can't make bread, try cleaning out the bath tub.

remember that scene in chocolate? Laughing

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OOH!

My day is full of OOH!'s so far. Thanks, Chai.

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oh, and nothing like scrubbing out the toilet.

GET AWAY from me!

It's the Playtex Rubber Gloves.

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Reminds me of the time me and the late un-lamented Mr smorgs went to a country house in Cheshire one rainy weekday afternoon.

Mr smorgs chased me round the 18th centuary kitchen making me all giddy, then proceeded pretend to take advantage (in an 18th centuary stylee) of his serving wench, over a grand oak table, whilst I shouted "please, master, no! I will be left with child in the poorhouse"

...not realising we were on CCTV!

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Do you do the dirty talk?

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