THE TIGER

Mathos, Mathos, Mathos...
You missed all the excitement. Where've you been?

Nellie doesn't have any friends? Really? How could that be? She's a good old downhome, Texas girl. They always have friends.

You really do have to visit her homeland if you think you're going to be able to write accurately about her you know. Do a little research - drink some tea, have some Tex Mex, you know live it up Texas style.

I hope you came by to make me laugh. I've missed your silliness. It's been way too serious around here lately.

(Oh wait, should I say that? Is that being too selfish and presumptious or in any other way evil? If it is, please forgive me - I'm only human you know).

I guess I'll go write or something....

Confined to these pages in solitude

Who? Nellie? Why are you being so confining of her Mathos?

Me, on the otherhand - as everyone everywhere knows, I'm the queen of solitude- love it, love it, love it- it inspires my photography, my writing. What would I do and how would I live without it? Actually.... it's true... I'm a born lone wolf. What can I say? But don't worry about it - actually I've found another outlet for my one or two posts a day of written creativity. I'm fine buddy - so sweet of you to care though.

By the way - did you read Kardas' little story about the wolf and the guy who took her home in his pick up truck? I can't remember what it's called - but it's at the bottom of the first page of original writing topics. I don't think it was widely read - a real shame. Spendius is giving me a hard time about my little posts the other day and here's this whole story about an "inter-species" love. I laughed till I almost cried when I read that one. It scares me to say that I found it kind of touching and inspiring in it's own way.

I do love my dog though. Couldn't live without her. I talk to her like she's my baby - "My pretty girl, she's such a good girl..." My kids just look at me and laugh. But that's as far as that goes....

I think that Kardas would have some interesting stories to tell. Where do all these people disappear to? I wish Cola would come back - she wrote some banging poetry.

Lonely as a desert breeze.

Yeah, sad isn't it? Our animal threads are slowly dying out. I was going to say that pretty soon they'll be extinct, but there's a pretty funny new animal species in town...

Stop being so stubborn Mathos - or I'll have to start a mule thread.

Only the lonely

LOST IN FRANCE

PIGS IN SPACE

Mathos - don't be so hard on yourself.

Even I never thought of you as a pig. An ass maybe - but never a pig.

EVERYBODY IN, IT'S SPITTING,

Yeah, it's raining here too. Just a little shower though. The sun's just hiding behind the clouds. I'm not even gonna take my laundry in off the line.

She's a darling
She's a daisy,
My pride and bonny lady
She's hair upon her chest and she can thump,
And every where she goes
Everybody knows,
Yes!
She's Ebeneezer's daughter,
Nellie Gump.

Well she went into the park
Into the park when it was dark,
She went into the park when it was dark
And though Spendi did his best,
She screamed;
Spendi give me the rest
I'm Ebeneezers daughter;
Nellie Gump.

She's a darling
She's a daisy,
My pride and bonny lady
She's hair upon her chest and she can thump
And every where she goes
Everybody knows,
Yes!!
She's Ebeneezers daughter
Nellie Gump!


Now Nellie went for a swim
All the boy's dived in,
They all wanted to swim with
Nellie Gump
And Mathos was under the water
Doing things he shouldn't oughta,
With Ebeneezers daughter
Nellie Gump!!

She's a darling
She's a daisy,
My pride and bonny lady
She's hair upon her chest and she can thump,
And every where she goes
Every body knows,
Yes!!!
She's Ebeneezer's daughter
Nellie Gump.



To be continued

Is Nellie a rabbit Mathos? Hair on her chest and can thump? Hmm... that's quite a puzzler.

(But anyway - now I definitely know Nellie's not based on me - no hair on my chest, I'm happy to say- that'd be quite an embarrassing problem for a woman to have to deal with..).

I don't understand the second stanza either. She screamed, "Give me the rest." The rest of what?

I do get the third stanza- the part about Mathos doing things he shouldn't oughta. I've been on to you for quite a while. It worries me that I find it amusing instead of just plain old despicable though.

I think you can do better than this Mathos. This doesn't rise to your level of talent and skill at all, really. Look back at your earlier efforts - the Tiger, the Bull. More advanced syntax and vocabulary in both of those Mathos. Don't try to hide your education Mathos- what's the use in that? You paid for it (with time if not money- formal or informal as it may be). Don't be ashamed to use it to its full advantage.

What a day. I got home and Pearl was hopping around like a little kangaroo just barking and growling up a storm and peering around the side of the house. I was almost afraid to go see what it was - I thought it might be some wild animal of some sort or something scary like that, so I just sort of peeked around while yelling at her- "What is the matter with you?" -and there was this guy all dressed in camouflage with this hat on that had a wooden spoon pushed through the brim about two feet from my face. I almost jumped a mile. He advanced really slowly, Pearl was putting on a scary show of things - and said, "I just wondered if you could fill up my water bottle?" I said sure - he had two water bottles strapped to his each side of his belt.

I asked him if he needed anything else and he said, "No, just hiking through." Then I apologized for Pearl being so unwelcoming and he smiled and walked into the woods. Maybe you could write a poem about that. Pretty interesting and unique character. At least in my book.

Becks wrote-



He must either have been to the charity Wankfest in Clerkenwell or he didn't much fancy you.

He might, at least, have asked for a bowl of warm soapy water to soak his feet in. That would provide half-an-hour of "getting to know you" time.

BTW Becksie- the sun doesn't hide behind the clouds. I wouldn't have mentioned it but for you taking the piss out of Mathos so mercilessly.

I'm sure it's the latter - although I can't be sure about the former. He was kind of cute in a really organic hippiesh way - so he might have been on his way to Glastonbury as another alternative. But yeah Spendius - he was much too young to take a serious look at me or for me to take a serious look at him.

He was probably mid-twenties. I'm starting to find myself looking more and more at fit, middle-aged men these days. I'm surprising myself by finding myself attracted to guys with youngish looking faces, but with thick salt and pepper hair. Isn't that weird?

. Wouldn't have been possible anyway - not with a dog barking to beat the band and two kids looking on- - those are the facts of my life...

It doesn't? That's what my mom always told me. I'll have to check back with her. ("Becksie" - now that's cute. No one has ever called me that).

I didn't take the piss out of Mathos. I was honestly critiquing his work. Isn't that what we're supposed to do here on original writing?
Truthfully, Mathos (and you) astound me with your breadth of knowledge, ability to express yourselves coherently and cohesively as well as just pure ability when it comes to using the written word creatively. That's why I hate to see him write below what he is capable of. But I think Nellie just brings that out in him. That's why I keep suggesting other subjects to him.

But listen I'm aware of my own negative tendencies when it comes to slapdash writing, believe me. I didn't mean to offend or put him down. Even on his worst days, he's better than me. I acknowledge that.

No offence taken Ma'am, skin like a rhino!

Yeah--alright. I'll believe you.

Under the circumstances you had described I would have taken-

"Is there anything else you want?" as I might a 1 heart opening aiming at 3 No-trumps or even higher.

Some ladies would have said-

"No-fill your own bottle you scruffy looking little deadbeat and then get a job!".

(Waving broom threateningly).

It was more a come-on than that and I've seen even that overcome.

No- He must have "been to Clerkenwell" which is now Tiger speak for wanker.

Well if he'd been to Clerkenwell - he surely must have been spent. So I guess I won't be hurt about it.

When I asked him if he needed anything else, I meant - "Do you need to use the bathroom?" "Would you like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" "Would you like to take a little nap in the hammock?"
I'm not the kind to shoo anyone away with a broom - unless they were obnoxious or rude or crude or something.

Why is it always about sex with you Spendius? Do you honestly think I would come on to a complete stranger in front of my two children?

Give me a little credit. I know you don't believe this, but I'm truly not that desperate.

Becksie wrote-



You ought to have said so then.

I would have taken that as permission to start unlacing my boots and turning the conversation towards subjects at which I excel and with which I can mesmerise ladies and ringing up the bed and breakfast 20 miles up the road to inform them that I had broken my leg and would be unable to fulfill my end of the bargain that had previously been arranged.