THE TIGER

Is the clown showing signs of jealousy?


My you must have an exciting exstence Spendi, pub, Ryder Haggard,
and a blow up doll with a big red vibrating mouth.

Spendi, why don't you relax on your sofa with Ryder Haggard and dream of what you might have accomplished?

Tell you what Spendi, send me an accomodation e-mail address and I will let you have some photographs, you missed out the warts on my ears and I want you to get it right. It's not funny being a total failure is it?


PS

How you doing with the blow up doll matey, is she obedient?

Hi Spendius

Mathos - do you really think I'm a barmy bat and even if you do - do you have to come right out and say it like that?

You know I think you might have a little bit of a mean streak.

So mean I chew rats and roaches every morning for my breakfast.

No Mathos. I'm not worried about anything like that. Good protein I heard. Builds muscles and sinews supposedly.

It's you keep going on about blow-up-dolls which concerns me.

Do you know that you have mentioned blow-up-dolls three hundred and thirty three thousand three hundred and thirty three times in your recent posts and without anybody else ever mentioning the idea.

Why are you so obsessed with blow-up-dolls. It seems such a silly idea.

It isn't as if there's a shortage of the real thing.

Spendi, Is the blow up doll scenario having an effect on your street cred?

My my my, said the spider to the fly. Tell you what Spendi, I'll have a word with Joe and Sam on that worst writing thread. They were giving such a brilliant account of your abnormalities, especially.

I wonder what on earth is going to happen next? Chief Superintendent Mathos could get involved in this you know. What on earth are you doing climbing up that ladder ?

Well not for me to comment really is it? If I were you I'd go quietly, we don't want the riot squad on the scene surely! That would put the cat amongst the pigeons, CS sprays, taiser guns, batons, shields, body armour, big size thirteen feet clomping all over the flower beds and then through the offices. What a deplorable mess they would make.

Chief Superintendent Mathos of course (considers himself poorly paid on his £78,000..00 per annum before tax) would be revelling in it. How on earth would he do a strip search on your doll? Think of the headlines Spendi, he would be in for a commendation; Have you got a name for her by the way, it's not really good etiquette referring to your blow up doll as a blow up doll, you appear to be getting upset about that

Let me know what she is called, it avoids a great deal of embarrassment, doesn't it

Mathos-

You seem to be well versed in the techniques of totalitarianism as well as having a familiarity with blow-up dolls.

How can my street cred be possibly affected by figments of your imagination.

Ever heard of this baby-



You are informing readers about your state of mind not mine.

There you go again Spendi, more quotes of utter poppycock!

Why on earth don't you try to think for yourself?

You have this habit of reminding me of a book by Francis Wheen: How Mumbo Jumbo Conquered The World - A Brief History of Modern Delusion.

The diatribe you resultantly expectorate is showing an alarming ignorance of your capabilities of actually being capable of existing in a world devoid of modern conveniences, and it may just turn that way.

It is understandable that you scorn hilarity when you practice the dozens of disciplines outlined by your hero's, but your psychoanalysis's of others is based entirely on Freuds mumbo jumbo which has no more basis in reality than worshipping the sun gods. You can verify the statement I have just made by searching the planet for an Aztec sun worshipper.

Of course you will defend Freud and your own practices to the hilt, Ian Brady took such a stance to name but one of a similar ilk.

Blairs advisers , Alistair Campbell and Philip Gould once described Gordon Brown as 'barmy, bonkers, and mental. Campbell even described the Chancellor as having 'psychological flaws'.

Certainly Mr Brown when in General Election mode does come across as being slightly unhinged (to put it mildly). I amongst many have witnessed him drivelling on the news channels about his respect for Mr Blair, when everybody knows they fight like a pair of rats in a sealed sack.

Can you tell me Spendius, are you a father?

Point is being a parent could change your outlook and give you a SENSE OF HUMOUR with your committed stance on celibacy you may not have sought such pleasures in life.

Come on Spendius, stop spitting on the floor, spit on the ceiling.

You're on brain gush Mathos I'm afraid.

I might try spitting on the ceiling if you would cease to invent other people's characteristics within your own noggin as if you doing so gives them those characteristics. The sole purpose of such a thing is to give you something to bang on about. It has nothing to do with anything else.

Spendius dear boy:-


I rest my case.


No competition is indeed poor competition.

Mathos-dear boy

Do you not yet know that in intellectual circles-



is considered to be a too vigorous form of white flag waving. Even virgins trapped on the upper floors of the towers their fathers kept them in for reasons too sordid to discuss were not supposed to flap their linen in quite so abject a manner as that for fear of being a bit off-putting to any stray knights passing by on the look out for something a bit challenging.

Spendius

One could guarantee the precise time you put on your tutu, pirouette onto the stage and enter that same old adage.

It must seem pretty cool to you in an inebriated state.

To others, and I quote the inclusions of the same to our colonial friends on the ID thread in particular, it confirms the problem commenced at the time of your delivery.

The midwife, no doubt finding it difficult to establish your face from your backside actually smacked your face, put a diaper on the same and sat you down on it.

As a result, you have been talking through your arse ever since.

Send for Red Adair.

I don't know who Red Adair is- and I hope I'm not too disappointing a replacement for him or her. I didn't want to intrude on your guys discussion of blow-up dolls and policing methods - of which I know little, having had no actual experience with either. (I actually think those blow-up dolls serve a very useful purpose in our society though. I can see how they'd be helpful for a lot of people in a lot of situations).

I thought this was an interesting point though Mathos. I'm not a philosopher by any means or stretch of the imagination. But isn't this statement philosophically incorrect? If it's not competition at all - how can it be judged against other forms that are competition to be good, bad, or indifferent in comparison? Just a question.

And speaking of competition - what do you think about people in competitions who resort to an unfair advantage? At that point, I think it loses it's status as a competition (which infers a system of fairness in that each competitor is equipped with at the very least, the same tools- for instance in a fencing match, they both show up with foils- one doesn't get to use a gun).

I understand that there are different levels of ability - and that's fair. But when one person uses an outside tool to gain an advantage - that's not competition. That's manipulation and ultimately, cheating in my opinion. Which, again, says more about that person's insecurities than it does about any inadequacy in the other competitor. Don't you think that's true or at least fair to say?

It's a really spooky, foggy morning outside- I'm down in this river valley now. It's been great. I've been having fun making my new accommodations ever more accommodating. I have to say - I really feel I'm in my element out here. I know you're happy for me.

It's nice to see you guys back together again.

*And when I said, "It's nice to see you guys back together again, I meant "together, as on the same thread, having a dialogue - not "together" as in "together". (Just want to make sure I don't leave any room for misunderstanding).

This is a misunderstanding-



I haven't been discussing either of these subjects.

They were introduced into the thread and all I did was wonder out loud why that should be. That doesn't constitute my discussing the subjects.
How could I? I know nothing about them? Mathos seems to be the expert and I presume he obtruded the subjects in order to provide himself with an excuse to flourish his obvious prowess in the matters.

It is standard practice in lower middle-class conversations to utilise this crude gambit in order to drive the direction of the discourse into those areas where the practitioner feels comfortable and can develop the theme in order to show him/her self in the best possible light.

Ah, there's that conceit concept again. But why do you say that's common in conversation that lower middle class people engage in? And who or what exactly constitutes the lower middle class? I feel uncomfortable separating people into classes. I don't think it's productive or very often even very accurate.

And what is it's basis, exactly? If it's a matter of who your ancestors were and how much money and status they possessed - I'd be considered lower middle or lower class myself. I come from generations of "poor dirt farmers", as both my mother and father describe their people (it's a southern thing).

Sorry Spendius - you're right - upon more careful reading I realize that you don't mention either of those two subjects at all. But how do you see Mathos bringing them up to show himself in a good light? I thought it made him look kind of mean myself. That Mathos - he's a hard one to figure out - cradling injured robins at the same time he's eating rats and roaches for breakfast. Who knows? You gotta love him....

I had a good day today. I started working my second job again today and it was fun. I had forgotten how much fun it is.

Nice talking to you again, by the way. Hope you are well.

Spendi's in the farmyard
Milking a cow
But poor old Spendi
He doesn't know how

Along came the farmer
He gave Spendi the sack
So he turned the cow over
And poured the milk back.

Spendi and Aidan re-united, Mathos's mission accomplished.

NB

This is my thread though and I don't want it filling up with soppy nonsense, both of you are re-directed to Aidan's sheep thread.

The deliberate mis-order of the quote was simply done to fetch both of you contrary, contradictory gobbins into the equation, knowing full well your over zealous actions would result in exactly what we have witnessed.

Everybody knows, 'poor competition is no competition'

PS Spendi, You will be waiting a long time for Red Adair, he is no longer with us 'Dear Boy.'

Talk about rope a dope.

Mathos is a sore sport
He has to have his own way
When asked to bend and compromise
Gets colder than an ice tray.

The jokes are all so funny
Until one's pulled on him
And then he's Old Lord Serious
Obsessed with competition.

Mathos - Is this an order? Will there be repercussions if I don't obey? I need to know so I can make an informed decision about where I can safely place my next post.

*And this is a joke. If you can't take it as such - you need a new sense of humor, Mathos.

Your poem is awful.

Yes Aidan there will be repercussions, like your orange juice will be stopped.

I do not consider there to be anything wrong with my sense of humour, I am laughing as I type these words. I enjoy making estimates as to when you will pull for another bollocking, you quite enjoy it, that is fine by me, actually Doc Benwright brought it to my attention, your making quite an interesting subject from all accounts.

Now I'm roping two dopes.