THE TIGER

And you would have been sorely disappointed. That's what always happens when two people have expectations that don't match.

(Although I would have let you use my phone to call the B&B back to try to rebook your room - and then I'd have given you a ride there so you wouldn't have had to walk in the dark. In the end it would have all turned out okay).

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Whenever I read some of the absolute trash and twaddle you two write, I feel pangs of insanity, self imposed pangs for taking the time and trouble to even flick to these pages.

What are you trying to do, write a silly book on some drifter wanting two hot water bottles filled in the middle of summer?
More likely an escapee from a bloody mental institution and yon man is turning your house into a pedicure outlet! The mind boggles.

I had several mental notes for ongoing verses of 'Ebeneezers Daughter Nellie Gump'. To be honest with you they are bloody hilarious, I almost, well I fell on the floor at one of those verses, even though I had created it. Then I took the time and trouble to read it from your and Spendi's point of view and I thought how disgustingly shocking it would be to you. To mention nothing of the embarrassment, but hell it's good.

I'm not putting it in though, you will be pleased to know.

Well not right now I'm not.

I shall just bide my time and see if you improve Miss.

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He wouldn't be turning my house into a pedicure outlet. Remember - I lost my two big toe nails? They finally fell off and now they're growing back - they're about half way up the nail bed. They look kind of disgusting so I kept them covered up with band-aids (plasters) for a while, but then decided - what the hell - they need the fresh air - maybe it'll make them grow faster and who cares if someone looks at my toes and wonders, "what the hell is going on there?" What can you do about stuff like that except deal with it? On the other hand, maybe he could apply fake nails for me...see I never think of those things on my own.

Actually, that drifter idea is one I find fascinating - on many, many levels. I think we could be very creative with that character....

Come on Mathos, put your poem on... we can always use a good laugh. And I'm curious to see exactly what your sense of humor finds so funny that you fell on the floor laughing.
*I'll just have to keep telling myself, "Nellie is not me, Nellie is not me...."

PS - Improve? What did I do wrong now??? Damn, I can't do anything right, can I?

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Becksie-

Try to get worse. It looks like it's the only realistic way of stopping Mathos placing his fevered sexual fantasies on his thread which will, to some extent, nullify the fragrance you have graced it with and subject us to more of his dire poetic attempts.

The trouble with the drifter character is that the story would have to follow him as he drifts and then the other characters he meets will have to be played by you and Mathos creating new yous as the situation arises.

That could be interesting. When you drop him off at the B&B you will have to become a chambermaid or the receptionist and Mathos the surly car park attendant who's territory is being invaded.

Unless you want to be the drifter and I'll join as characters along your meandering path.

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Spendius - I enjoy distracting Mathos from whatever his agenda happens to be on any given day. I'm sure he never thought his comment about pedicures would segue back into my story about my lost toe nails.

I must have missed his fevered sexual fantasies though. I thought you were the one who brought those to the thread-imagining come ons. And actually you introduced the pedicure theme too - a basin of soapy water for the hiker's tired feet- unlacing your boots as you mesmerized the lady of the house with your hypnotic voice.

I like the idea of the chambermaid. I keep thinking of this as a movie or a play though - with a soundtrack. I have a great chambermaid song we could use. It's by Tom Petty. Actually - there are two male characters in that one too. One is drunk and one is sick -don't take it personally - that's just the way the song goes. I'll have to get the lyrics and post them. I think it has a pretty good story line we could steal...

I also like the idea of the female as the drifter. That'd be fresh and unique.

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Here's that song. See it has characters, a plot. What do you think?

"Waiting by the side of the road
For day to break so we could go
Down into Los Angeles
With dirty hands and worn out knees

(Chorus) ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
It's all I want to do...

The ranger came with burning eyes
The chambermaid awoke surprised
Thought she'd seen the last of him
She shook her head and let him in

Hey baby, there's something in your eyes
Tryin' to say to me
That I'm gonna be alright if I believe in you
It's all I want to do

It was me and my sidekick
He was drunk and I was sick
We were caught up in a barroom fight
Till an Indian shot out the lights

I'm so tired of being tired
Sure as night will follow day
Most things I worry about
Never happen anyway...

(Repeat chorus)

*And there's an Indian - so Mathos could still dress up if he wanted to. I had forgotten about that. There's a little bonus.

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You won't rest until you have me in that loin-cloth, will you?

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The sad part is I'll never get to see it. That stinks... unless... you took a picture of yourself and posted it. I think everyone would get a kick out of that, don't you?

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Becksie-

The song is too,too American. It's all about asserting machismo rather than getting on with it. It's pathetic.

Mathos- I know you and I don't see eye to eye on a number of issues but I beg you-please don't post a pic of yourself in a loin cloth.

I agree it probably would amuse the ladies but the cost to male dignity would be out of all proportion considering how easily they can be amused by less contoversial material.

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Quote:

spendius wrote:
Becksie-

The song is too,too American. It's all about asserting machismo rather than getting on with it. It's pathetic.

What's this "too American" stuff? Do I detect a little whiff of anti-Americanism these days Spendius? Actually, I wouldn't be surprised. With what's going on all over the globe and America's role in it - there's really no defense to make. When people ask me if I'm American, I find myself kind of mutely nodding my head yes and averting my eyes- almost in shame- waiting for the tirade. But they're always nice. They say, "Where's that accent from? North America, right?" (It's interesting to me that over here people remember that the North American continent includes Canada and Mexico, as well as the US).
And I say, "Yes." And then they say, "Canada, right?" And then I say, "Nope, US." And they they always look surprised and say, "Really??"

The other week, this woman I've known since I got here was introducing me to someone new. She said, "This is Rebecca- she's American- but don't hold it against her- she can't help it. And she tries to be good..."
I burst out laughing. I loved the fact that she was honest (and funny) about it instead of talking about it behind my back later.

I did my first professional gardening job the other day (where I got paid) for this American woman living over here. She's single, a nuclear physicist, believe it or not, but she lives in this huge mansion all by herself. She had two other American friends visiting and they sat out on the patio (it was that really hot, sunny day last week, Friday I think it was) drinking wine and eating cheese. It was my first day - I'm taking the job over for a friend- and she didn't even ask me my name or introduce herself. I was just the hired help I guess. (I have to say it was an interesting experience - I've never been treated like that before that I can remember, and I'm certainly not used to it now that I've lived over here for the past couple of years. When I first moved here I took care of this elderly woman's horse for her in the mornings. I'd get there at nine, she'd call me in at ten for tea. Even if I said I was okay, she made me come in and have some tea, sitting at the table with her and she'd have some with me. It was sweltering hot last Friday and these women didn't even offer me a glass of water. Thank god for the hose....)
Anyway, these three women sat there just dissecting the life and character of this man they work with for the whole two hours I worked. I learned that he and his wife have separate bedrooms and that their daughter (she's eight) thinks they're lucky in their house because everyone has his or her own room. They just went on and on in these really flat, grating voices and I found myself thinking, "Bloody Americans". Isn't that wild? I was so happy when I could turn the mower on and drown them out.
(I know Americans are not all like that - thank god- but people over here don't if that's the only example they're subjected to).

But what machismo are you talking about in the song? I don't hear it that way. If you heard the music, I think you would get the tone of the song more accurately. It starts out with this sad little lonely flute and then some descending chords. Really pretty and melancholy. I think the guy (narrator) sounds sad, tired and almost defeated. I think the fight is just happenstance, and has nothing to do with machismo. (And I think they "got on with it" before the fight ever happened). It's not a pathetic song- it's one of my favorites by Tom Petty- I think we must have very different taste in music.

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Mathos- I know you and I don't see eye to eye on a number of issues but I beg you-please don't post a pic of yourself in a loin cloth.

I agree it probably would amuse the ladies but the cost to male dignity would be out of all proportion considering how easily they can be amused by less contoversial material.
Come on Spendius - don't tell me you're not curious.

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Becksie wrote-

Quote:

What's this "too American" stuff? Do I detect a little whiff of anti-Americanism these days Spendius? Actually, I wouldn't be surprised. With what's going on all over the globe and America's role in it - there's really no defense to make.

What's going on all over the globe is more a mitigating factor to my tendency to anti-Americanism which derives from experiencing the company of a few typical examples which was tiresome to put it at the least.

I might just have been unlucky but from the description you give of the "nuclear physicist" (WHAT!!!!???) and her companions it would seem you have found the same thing.

I sometimes feel that the phenomenon might be traceable to the driving motor of business enterprise within the soul of America and thus at the soul of the American educational system which leads it to be selling a product; that product being ,of course, the state of grace in which a bunch of very average people can feel better about themselves. Especially the Mummies and Daddies.

Notice on these very threads the reticence displayed by the English concerning their educational achievements and compare it to that in the posts of many Americans. Does everybody in America have a Master's degree and "major" in things and use strange,vaguely flattering terms like sophomore and semester and phi beta shitehouse. Do you need to be an Associate Professor to empty the wastepaper baskets?

Many Americans on these threads are continually dropping hints, often with a "CLANG!!", and some are not above blurting it out directly.

I have no objection of course. As long as I can metaphorically-

Quote:

turn the mower on and drown them out.

Even the interesting Americans one sees on TV or who's words one reads one suspects might not be quite so interesting at other times.

(Any chance of the NP's phone number.

A Lady NP living alone in a mansion and receiving lady visitors on the terrace oblivious to an exploited gardner toiling away on a lawn mower, that fiendish implement of torture, is an experience I haven't yet had the good fortune to tryout.
I sometimes think my whole life has been a set of trials leading up to such a door. Tell her that will you Becksie.
Check her out with a Geiger counter and, if you can, her age and a rating on a 1-3 scale for personability.)

"Work" and "worked" in such close proximity is considered a solescism in English letters.

I quite like Tom Petty. He has one or two decent songs. I saw him three times providing back-up for Bob a fair while back on that tour with the four well built black ladies any of whom Salammbo might have matured into in more auspicious circumstances.

I didn't like that song though. As you say- taste.

Yes- I'm not curious about Madhos in a loin cloith. Definitely. No question about it. Anyway-he would probably cut a pic out of a bodybuilder's magazine for matures.

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I'll probably break your jaw and bust three of your left hand side ribs with two nicely placed shots, you blithering idiotic gobbin.

I will get round to sorting a picture out in a loin cloth, you will be surprised ugly!

The ladies will be impressed.

All this twaddle your sticking on this thread is about as interesting as a wart on a rabbits nose too. Can't you speak plain English you oink, instead of repeating your poorly educated language of nonsense, in a very ill advised manner in an attempt to both impress and appear superior to the colonials?

You Aidan, your getting your rocks off on the computer chair by feeding the bloody clown a load of nonsense well aware of his forthcoming actions. That's cruel, picking on and taking advantage of the afflicted moron in-fact, it's criminal, you should be ashamed of yourself.

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[

Quote:

quote="spendius"]Becksie wrote-

Quote:
What's this "too American" stuff? Do I detect a little whiff of anti-Americanism these days Spendius? Actually, I wouldn't be surprised. With what's going on all over the globe and America's role in it - there's really no defense to make.

What's going on all over the globe is more a mitigating factor to my tendency to anti-Americanism which derives from experiencing the company of a few typical examples which was tiresome to put it at the least.

I might just have been unlucky but from the description you give of the "nuclear physicist" (WHAT!!!!???) and her companions it would seem you have found the same thing.

I sometimes feel that the phenomenon might be traceable to the driving motor of business enterprise within the soul of America and thus at the soul of the American educational system which leads it to be selling a product; that product being ,of course, the state of grace in which a bunch of very average people can feel better about themselves. Especially the Mummies and Daddies.

Yes. I agree. There also seems to be a very different attitude toward and valuation of common courtesy and manners. Sometimes I think it's because there are just so many people in the US and everyone is so busy achieving and making money - they don't have time to notice the other people around them. I remember the last time I went shopping for clothes in America. The girl at the cash register talked on her cell phone the whole time and never said a word to me. She gestured at the total instead of telling me what it was and continued her conversation as she put my stuff in the bag and I left. That would never happen here. Although a guy in the shop the other day said that where he lives (Essex) it's much less friendly than here (Somerset). I think I'm just lucky I happened to end up in a very courteous and friendly part of the UK. I mean when you pay for your groceries here they say, "Thank you, my love." I wish I could say it back, I really do, but it just doesn't come naturally. Do you guys say that where you live?

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Notice on these very threads the reticence displayed by the English concerning their educational achievements and compare it to that in the posts of many Americans. Does everybody in America have a Master's degree and "major" in things and use strange,vaguely flattering terms like sophomore and semester and phi beta shitehouse. Do you need to be an Associate Professor to empty the wastepaper baskets?

Spendius - that's just because a degree in America is so damn common place - it's not even thought of as bragging anymore. The only time I ever tell anyone what my educational background is is when I'm asked, "What degrees do you have?" And as a matter of fact, I think you yourself did ask me that very question a long time ago. I answered you- what are you going to hold that against me forever?
College (university) can be fun as hell in America. That's why people talk about it all the time. I had the most fun four years of my life (so far anyway). Damn, I could tell you some stories - but I don't want to brag or anything.
You guys brag about your MBE's. Every time I go into the house of a guy who has one - the picture of him all dressed up in a suit with his tophat and his wife in a pretty hat is most prominently displayed. I also note that the educated elite here are very open about their educational credentials and speak of them in very "cut glass accents". In a lot of ways there's just as much snobbism and classism. So don't act like your culture is so modest. You're not shy at all about displaying your intellectualism. You must have picked it up somewhere. Just relax - why can't people talk about what they want to?

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Many Americans on these threads are continually dropping hints, often with a "CLANG!!", and some are not above blurting it out directly.

Some Americans are more direct than others. Coming from NJ, I think that's a good thing. I can't stand when people beat around the bush and call it "polite". I appreciate when people just come out and say stuff. Why does it bother you so much that people talk about what they are happy about, or proud about, or find enriching in their lives? You should be happy for them.

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I have no objection of course. As long as I can metaphorically-

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turn the mower on and drown them out.

You can on a2k.

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Even the interesting Americans one sees on TV or who's words one reads one suspects might not be quite so interesting at other times.

And what - you are? Interesting all the time, huh? That's not cultural, that's an individual personality trait and is totally subjective based on individual perception.

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(Any chance of the NP's phone number).

I knew you were going to ask that. I was just waiting.... Laughing

I'll ask her. Because I know you just want to talk to her as another intellectual, right? Because Spendius - she's about fifty years old, short iron gray hair, she's about as round as she is tall, and she talks like a man. I hate to stereotype - but let's put it this way - I don't think she'd be as interested in a phone call from you as she might be in one from me. (But she's not my type - at all!!!- so don't worry - I won't cut in on your action. Laughing

)

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A Lady NP living alone in a mansion and receiving lady visitors on the terrace oblivious to an exploited gardner toiling away on a lawn mower, that fiendish implement of torture, is an experience I haven't yet had the good fortune to tryout.
I sometimes think my whole life has been a set of trials leading up to such a door. Tell her that will you Becksie.

I'll tell her. The funny thing is, the two visiting ladies sounded like airheads. They kept saying things like, "Like really? You're like kidding. Like, no way!!!" I think she had her eye on one of them- you know how sometimes you just go for the total opposite of what you are? I think that might have been the case.

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Check her out with a Geiger counter and, if you can, her age and a rating on a 1-3 scale for personability.)

Sweetheart - you might like her- just because we have such opposite taste and I so totally didn't like her. But are you into masculinity in your women- because that was pretty much her defining trait- right down to her voice.

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"Work" and "worked" in such close proximity is considered a solescism in English letters.

Excuse me, sorry about that. Now I'll have to go look "solescism" up so I'll know what you're talking about.

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I quite like Tom Petty. He has one or two decent songs. I saw him three times providing back-up for Bob a fair while back on that tour with the four well built black ladies any of whom Salammbo might have matured into in more auspicious circumstances.

I love Petty and Dylan together. I saw them together too. In Philly - quite a long time ago. When they had that whole Traveling Wilbury's tour.

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I didn't like that song though. As you say- taste.

Yep - to each his own.

I know that's exactly what he'd do. But I'd like to see which body builder he fancies himself to look like.

Mathos - I don't have any rocks to get off. I don't pick on anyone, and certainly not Spendius. Maybe a little tonight though. I have to admit I was just waiting for him to ask about the single nuclear physicist. It reminds me of the time in college when my boyfriend was making me jealous by hanging out with this new girl, and as soon as he turned his back, she asked me if I swang both ways. I said, "No, but I'm so glad you asked me that," and I proceeded to immediately let my boyfriend know that his new crush had a crush on me. It was so satisfying...

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See, your a vengeful little critter aren't you!

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Mathos-

That's a very balanced, thoughtful, interesting and stylish post that Becksie has composed.

I haven't had time to read it all yet as I'm off to the pub as you know but it's bound to be all those things because Becksie wrote it and I look forward to reading it when I come back.

Look at the beginning. That's perfect. Maybe I'm too susceptible because nobody ever agrees with me on that ID/Science thread of wande's so that when Becksie says "Yes.I agree" it just makes a warm glow suffuse my whole body like when my Mother used to towel me down with a hot,rough towel when I came home soaked to the skin.

Why's that vengeance?

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Let them with eyes see

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Mathos: I wouldn't say I'm vengeful at all. Let's just say I enjoy irony quite a lot.

Ahh Spendius - that's so nice what you said. Thoughtful, interesting, stylish, looking forward to reading it, perfect beginning... I'm blushing. I just don't know how to receive such compliments.

Have fun at the pub. Maybe I can arrange for the physicist to be waiting with a hot towel for you when you get back. I'll see what I can do.

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Becksie wrote-

Quote:

- but let's put it this way - I don't think she'd be as interested in a phone call from you as she might be in one from me.

A lezzo as well. Gee. I love a challege. Is she militant with it? How big is the mansion? To the nearest £million will do. I'm not pedantic.

But "short,iron grey hair" is a bit much. Are you being catty?

I don't mind the "as round as she is tall". I don't necessarily consider that a disadvantage. She does understand chain reactions I presume.

Are there rows of chestnut trees on either side of the drive up to the entrance of the mansion. I just love chestnut trees. I was school champ at conkers. I had a 69er.

How long is the drive?

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Quote:

A lezzo as well. Gee. I love a challege. Is she militant with it? How big is the mansion? To the nearest £million will do. I'm not pedantic

. "Lezzo?" Spendius, come on, you can be more pc and respectful than that. And anyway, I said, I wasn't sure. As she never said a word to me other than, "The tools and mower are in the garage," we did not get into our respective gender and sexual preferences. It would not come as a surprise to me however to find that she enjoyed the company of women and eschewed that of men. (She was scathing and dismissive when talking about her male colleague. She pretty much shredded him up one side and down the other for two hours. Luckily, he didn't feel a thing - he wasn't there. Why don't people who engage in that sort of thing ever remember that?)
More than the way she herself looked or spoke however, was her assessment of me when I walked into her yard. You know how a person makes an initial and almost automatic visual up and down assessment of someone of the opposite sex? However subtly, we all (male and female alike) do it. She did that. Why? I mean when a woman comes into the shop - because I'm not interested in her sexually- I focus on her face. Men, if they're heterosexual must be the same way, surely. I mean do you ever check guys out from head to toe the way you do women?
It's just an observation I made, and an impression she gave me and when I've made that same observation and had that same impression in the past, it's turned out that my hunch has been accurate.

Her house would probably sell for a little over a million (pounds-1.86 million dollars as of yesterday). That'd be my best estimate. But she's renting. She doesn't own it.

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But "short,iron grey hair" is a bit much. Are you being catty?

No, just reporting the facts. It had nice body and a little curl, though she had it cut in a very easy to care for, no-nonsense style.

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I don't mind the "as round as she is tall". I don't necessarily consider that a disadvantage. She does understand chain reactions I presume.

Are you hungry? Laughing

That's that study I told you about where British men who had skipped a meal rated pictures of heavier women as more attractive than British men who had a full stomach. The problem I had with the methodology of that experiment is that preference for a certain body type is individual. They didn't isolate the variable. They needed to ask the same man when he was hungry and when he was not hungry to rate the pictures to come to that conclusion. At least that's what I think. Please google that study and see what you come up with. I'm truly interested in your take on that.

But, no, a lot of men like a woman with a little meat on her bones. I know I'm less inclined to be attracted to men who are skinny.

She's a physicist Spendius. She probably wrote a text book on chain reactions.

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Are there rows of chestnut trees on either side of the drive up to the entrance of the mansion. I just love chestnut trees. I was school champ at conkers. I had a 69er.

No chestnuts. She does have some really interesting plant specimens in her garden though. I like those conkers too. I think they're beautiful - so shiny and glossy and brown.

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How long is the drive?

From your house? I don't know - I don't know where you live.
Or do you mean her driveway? About .2 miles.

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I need time to think.

Were you wearing those blue overalls with braces and heavy brown boots all caked in sluch?

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