daniellejean wrote:the thing is, I lie awake at night feeling torn. that's why I feel like God doesn't want me to be with him, because would I be so torn otherwise?
Good grief girl! You are definitely sounding like you have a bad case of Catholicism.
The Catholic way of thinking.
I feel great. (Life score 10/10.)
Is it right that I should feel great? 9/10.
Is anyone allowed to feel this great? 8/10.
I now feel uneasy about feeling great. 5/10.
Is God making me feel uneasy, because he's not happy with me feeling great? 4/10.
Why is God unhappy with me? 3/10.
Is he trying to tell me that I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing? 1/10.
I'm feeling shitty. 0/10.
That whole thought process, with years of repeated practise, can be completed in about thirty seconds, and then placed into an automatic loop within the brain, so that it repeats for hours on end.
With enough practise, guilt feelings can be brought to the surface regarding any feelings of pleasure or happiness.
Danielle, may I suggest something?
Why not try taking a holiday from god for a month or so. After all, he's got countless other billions to look after all the time, so he would probably be glad of the rest as well. Tell him that you'll be back at the end of June, and that you will fill him in on all the details of how things worked out.
Then....concentrate on having some guilt free, harmless fun.
Look on it as a short study course, which will eventually make you a more experienced and worldly wise human. I'm sure that your god would approve.
...........and if you ARE Catholic, just think of all the pleasure that you will be bringing to your Priest at the end of June, when you turn up at the confessional with that bloody great list in hand.
