He is amazing!

Daniellejean & I really need to be alone now

aww! thats so cute!
horray for love! yay!!!!!!!
seriously, good luck with him.

well, here's the thing. I'm questioning my beliefs right now. I happen to be a very intelligent person Chumly. And I don't believe in the tooth fairy. I believe in something that gives me hope. But when two people have different beliefs in an intimate relationship, there are issues galore. SO, please withold judgement about my intellect. There are some "blind" christians, and there are many who are open minded. I happen to count myself among the open.

Right on. You keep believing and keep your mind opened and tolerant of those who feel differently than you. That's mankinds' only hope. But you're absolutely right, it's quite difficult to maintain a relationship coming from such opposing places. To be honest, I wouldn't pursue it if I were you but only you can decide the right thing to do.
Good luck to you.

My wife is Polish Roman Catholic and I have no religious/superstitious faith whatsoever (I will refrain from putting a label on me for the sake of simplicity). We've been together for 10 years.

- The type of intelligence I refer to is not measurable with IQ tests.
- The type of intelligence I refer to is not a reference to a person wits.
- The type of intelligence I refer to has to do with critical thinking and rationality, of which belief in religion/superstition is the opposite of.

Understand there are many perspectives to intelligence, but the type of intelligence I refer to cannot be maintained with belief in religion/superstition.

Chumly,

Just because the intelligence cannot be tested, does not mean it isn't there. It just means it can't be tested.

I did not say any such thing.

I consider myself a very critical thinker. If I weren't I don't think that I would be in such a conundrum about what I believe and/or don't believe. If you want to know more about my own religious struggles, check out my topic entitled, "My Prayer" under the Religion and Spirituality section. I have issues with the concept of Hell and damnation. I also have issues with sexuality. But one thing I've never doubted is the divine love of a being (God). I have experienced in my life some miracles that have bound me to the belief that there is a God. And I don't think that makes me stupid, or a follower, or anything. I just feel I have been touched. And I think you are as narrow minded as any fundamental Christian out there. You claim your way is the only way. I don't know how you and your wife make this work because your anti-Christian sentiments are pretty strong. Or at least it seems that way.

But the issue is this: I like this guy. He makes me feel good. But when I think about the future with somebody - about marriage in particular (which I am not considering any time soon but is always in the back of my mind as the end goal), then it is difficult to see myself with somebody who denies what I believe. And I imagine it would be difficult for somebody else to be with me if I denied what they believe. But I like him. He makes me feel so good.

Last week, I spent the night, and apparently in my sleep I said, "How do you know what I need before I need it" as he stroked my hair to keep me from fidgeting. I dreamt of him saving me from all of my anxieties. And yet, he seems to be what is causing them.

Then again, it could be the nuva ring I just started.

When will relationships get easier? Maybe when I stop having sex right off the bat! Talk about being a hypocrite.

Oh, and if anybody wants to know a further complication...I used to consider enterring the sisterhood (before I lost my virginity). And suddenly that feeling seems to be surfacing again. I don't know if it is because I am afraid of leaving the faith or if it is because I genuinely am being called. But this is making this relationship even harder.

Plus, we will be separated for the summer.

So, yes, I have doubts. But it feels so good. Why does everything that feels so good have to have a million problems?

That's life, baby. But it's still the best game in town.

You directly contradict yourself. You're welcome to believe and feel whatever you want. Nonetheless until you can prove to in a demonstrably rational and realistic manner this god of yours, if you cannot claim your beliefs are based on critical thinking.

daniellejean,
Hang in there. That's a lot on your plate right now: some big stuff is being worked out inside you.
Who knows how this will all work out in the end? I sure don't.
Love and life can be so confusing!

So long as you remember to stay true to yourself and what your heart is telling you, you will be okay.

Sorry I don't any great advice; just encouragement and sending some love your way.

Enjoy, Danielle.

My wife (at the time, girlfriend) was the devout product of a thorough and rigorous Irish Roman Catholic upbringing. I am, and always have been, totally lacking in any inclination to follow or believe in any form of god worshipping.

Out of respect for her feelings, and also a morbid curiosity to find out what actually goes on in religeous services, I actually went along to a couple of services. I vaguely remember bells being tinkled at what was obviously an important part of the procedure, and incense being burned.
I left, none the wiser as to what it was all about, and didn't go into the church after the second visit, preferring to wait in the car outside and listen to the football news on the radio.

I have never influenced her one way or the other, and she has never tried to influence me, regarding our differences in this area. Over the years, my wife has become a good lapsed Catholic, like so many others. She still thinks that there is a greater being up there somewhere, but doesn't feel that it is necessary to join in with all the communal chanting and ceremony.

We have never let religion (or the lack of) get in the way of our good relationship. If you get along great in the other 99% of your life together, why worry about it?
It sounds like he's a nice bloke who doesn't have any hangups re. your beliefs, so don't let (what I consider to be) the indoctrination part of religious upbringing go and ruin it all for both of you.

I hope it works out well for you. We've been having a pretty good time, despite these differences, for 32 years.
Tolerance is the word, methinks.

I agree Lord, and it's the same with my Polish Catholic wife and me.

Lord Elpus, do you mind if I be frank with you? When you and your wife were dating, and she was still a devout Catholic, what did you do about the sex issue? Was it difficult for her? Did you wait until marriage? Because that is really what is plaguing me here. I am afraid that my sexual relationship with this guy is putting my spiritual life in jeapordy.

that was rather personal so you don't have to answer. I am sorry. I just wanted to make it known that I totally understand his beliefs and wouldnt want to try to change him. But it is really about sex in the end.

By the way Chumly. I never claimed that my belief in God is rational or is an aspect of life that involves critical thinking. In fact, critical thinking often contradicts my religious beliefs. That does not mean that I deny them. There are other reasons why I believe - personal experiences - my grandmother who spoke to me after her death among other things.

But there are other aspects of my life where I am a critical thinker. When I read about language and literature, and yes, even philosophy. There is more than one facet to a person. And I don't think it is fair to say that someone is not at all critical because they believe in God. Just as it is not fair to say that someone is necessarily very critical because they don't. Excuse my candor here, but you have hit a sore spot - Do you think your wife is stupid for believeing in God?

Hi daniellejean,

That would depend on your definition of "stupid" bearing in mind you have used that word and I have not. Do you define "stupid" by the following out of context quotes of mine?

"not using critical thought"
"not utilizing their intellect"
"anti-intellectual"

I looked up the word "stupid", to which does your question apply?

Slow to learn or understand; obtuse.
Tending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes.
Marked by a lack of intelligence or care; foolish or careless: a stupid mistake.
Dazed, stunned, or stupefied.
Pointless; worthless: a stupid job.

Danielle, sex is one of the main primary drives of all animals on earth, humans included. It is only religion that overtly, or covertly attaches guilt and shame to it all.

Any person that has gone through the full rigmarole of being bought up in the Catholic faith, for instance, should be given a diploma in guilt when they reach the age of eighteen, methinks.

In answer to your question, I think that all males should actively seek out a Catholic girl as a life mate, as they tend to be naughtier than the rest. I don't do emoticons, but if I did I would have placed a huge smiley here.

I have said this before, and will no doubt say it again.

AN ORGASM A DAY KEEPS THE PSYCHIATRIST AWAY!


Mutual respect and caring for one another is FAR more relevant and important than any guilt feelings that may have been impregnated into one's thinking processes.

You should be celebrating life and love, as you are only on this little planet for a short time. As long as you are kind and considerate towards your fellow humans, how can any god say that you have done wrong?

It seems that you are an intelligent person who can tell whether something feels right or wrong. You have indicated that this part of your life feels wonderful. Enjoy it, and bang him 'til his knees give way, that's what I say.

Of course, when I say "bang him", I mean in a wonderful and emotionally rewarding way, as you have no doubt already experienced.

You must forgive me, as I am a male. We are not really capable of expressing these things in a tender way. I could try, but you'd only laugh.

thank you for your frankness Lord Elpus. I drove an hour and a half to see him today. As soon as I laid eyes on him, all my guilt vanished. Prepare yourselves for corniness: When we kissed, I felt shivers all over my body. I felt like I had made the supreme connection just with a kiss (closed mouth at that). Then in the car, he touched my thigh, and I smiled and laughed. He asked me what I was thinking, and I said, "Tomorrow night when we're back on campus, I am going to make love to you in the most beautiful of ways". I felt immediately self-conscious and as if I had bound myself to it. But I still want to. I didnt feel guilty until after I left him to make the hour and a half trek back up to the boonies. And then I fought with my upsurge of guilt for the whole way home. But I prayed and I said, "Lord, you gave this man to me. You made me fall in love with him. And now I want to share with him. I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't want to hurt me. But somebody might get hurt. And that's the problem with sex without real commitment; you give yourself to somebody at the risk of losing yourself to them. But that is a risk I am willing to take." So, in conclusion, he is wonderful, but my stomach is still turning. I'm going to church this afternoon. But beyond that, I'm still feeling overwhelmed by love (or maybe it's just lust...sigh).