Ladies, what is your opinion about a husband staring at othe

I should add...she goes with the humour thing, but when she is pissed, she lays it on the table. Absolute honesty is our goal.

OK so cav, what's this thing abut posting the same thought at the same instant?

Hi Sofia...I was just admiring the 5 second limit idea, too heehee I agree that you should pick your battles. It's so much better to be able to laugh of the little and inevitable stuff. It helps to get through the big problems together if both sexes know that their hormonal inadequacies won't be thrown back in their face.

LibertyD, I agree if it's laugh-offable, but Francie for example is obviously actually bothered. I don't think it works to laugh things off as a tactic rather than because you truly think it's funny. (IMO.)

I think i need to clarify some. I am really not a jealous person ,and yes i do notice an attractive man also . But what I am having trouble with is the way he does it in front of me .I have talked to him about it and he denies doing it and ends up getting mad !I mean would it be asking too much for my husband to pay me a compliment once in a while !

By the way just want to say hi to all of you !

soz--
Good point about Francie.
I was sorta hoping she might learn to see it as inevitable, and not a biggie. I think younger women take this worse. They have that harsh moment, when they realize their husband's desire or attraction no longer begins and ends with them. I remember it, and it hurt.

Later, it's just not that bad. You realize he has eyes, and is going to use them. Then, a little later, you are happy he is limiting his active body parts to his eyes, and not injoining Mr. Happy in his lascivious adventures...

Francie--
Do you compliment him?
He may need training.

At risk of being flip -- sounds like he needs some sunglasses; his surreptitious ogling skills seem woefully undeveloped.

Sozobe, you're right about not making something laughable just for the sake of not getting angry.

Hi Francie! Well getting back to the point of your thread, I totally agree that it's disrespectful for him to gawk at other women in your presence. And I agree that he should give you more complements. Does he ever see you getting complements from other people?

Hmm sozobe...tough question....maybe as ex-goths, the dark forces connected my thoughts to Sofia's...and Mrs. cav's too, hence the simultaneous post...got some great pics of Mrs. cav in university, mid-summer, in a long black cape and cool shades....and of me in high school with severely crimped Echo and the Bunnymen hair a la Ian.

Francie, you are not asking for a lot at all, and he has to realize that if the relationship is going to work. Thanks for clarifying, I think he does indeed need some training...and Sofia brings up a good point...do you compliment him? These things do go both ways...

I agree with Hebba, that it's rude to be so obvious about the ogling, sort of like conversational interrupting, or chewing with your mouth open.
The man needs to learn some manners. Maybe if you approach it as an etiquette problem rather than a type of jealousy, he'll hear you without denying or getting mad.

PD - An idea whose time has come.

Cav, Hebba, fbaezer --- you are so good! Your women must adore you!

But, Francie -- You've spoken to him about it and HE GETS MAD?

<If I said how I felt, I'd have to use bad words.>

_______

Call out the big guns! This is definitely time for some training. He needs to remember that you are gorgeous and desirable... and need to be protected from other men's ogling. THAT will keep him busy and he'll forget his roving eyes.

I am a firm believer in the combined psychological techniques of positive and negative reinforcement. Don't get mad but... be prepared for next time this happens. When he ogles, try to immediate get up and walk away, even if it is just in your head -- you know what I mean -- dismiss him for the moment. If possible, step on his foot or spill something (hopefully on him). Become an accident waiting to happen.

Occasionally look pointedly at other men, maybe even mention how much you like the cut of that one's jacket, the style of that one's hair or how you've really grown fond of some look, not his. If you really wanted to dig at him (if he needs it) ask him if he's considered changing his appearance in your very sweetest way.

And as for the positive reinforcement... when you go out, wear a low-cut blouse and drop that sweater. Be sure to look ridiculously gorgeous, not just everyday good. Smile & be friendly with men around you when you're with him.

I would also consider telling him* about the men who approach you. Here, is a story of mine you can call your own. Last week I was purchasing some scotch for my sweet S.U. (who would not dream of embarassing me by obviously ogling another woman in my presence). As it happened, I was wearing a jacket made of suede pieces that are crocheted together to reveal a little bit of the skimpy top underneath. The man who was behind me in the checkout line rushed past me (I tend to dawdle), but was waiting for me outside the store. He stopped me and excused himself for bothering me. Then he said (and he was talking in a very strange accent) that he admired my jacket. He said it was like the ones made in his home country, Transylvania, and wondered if it were from there.

Transylvania???

Now possibly he was telling the truth, but by the time I'd told the story to our dinner party, mentioned that he was good-looking in a foreign sort-of-way and used the "accent" he had, I had everybody in stitches except for the S.U. who was wondering if he should be sending me off to buy liquor anymore. (As well he should.)


*You'll notice I did not tell him immediately... I waited. That is important.

Presumably he was this way before you married him? If so, you must have accepted this part of his personality. Since you and he have had words about this, he is aware it upsets you, and still does it (how nice!). He even has the audacity to get mad at you for bringing it up! So it would seem talking to him has not worked. It would seem a smart man would be able to refrain from this behavior at least while his wife is around, so the only way to train him is to punish him when he does it. Apart from the sit-down-and-talk about this, you should select a couple of punishments that you can inflict on him when he is bad:

You are both in the car and he swivels to watch a pretty girl - "no sex for you tonight, you can just fantasise about that little filly!"

He gawks at scantily-clad females at a bar/party/wherever - you catch the eye of a male (preferably an attractive one) and let your gaze and head follow him when you know your husbands attention is finally back on you. Do it as if you are trying to be circumspect about it - not the head turning action your husband does. If this upsets your husband, bat your eyes and ask innocently "what?" "well what's good for the goose ...."

If your husband makes serious eye-contact with a babe and is slightly flirty with her, see if you can spill a drink on him accidentally, or something similar which will upset him and make him look foolish. You have to do this well so that it really does seem like an accident and apologize profusely.

This reminds me of a couple I saw in a restaurant. Guys head was swivelling all over the place. Really I thought he was going to pull a muscle! Anyway, gf was getting really peeved off. So, he reaches across the table to get (presumably) the ketchup bottle for his fries, he spots a hottie walking by and head jerks in her direction for a good gawk at her assets. Gf slides pot of hot water (for her tea) into his hands path and yes, you guessed it, bf scalds himself, tipping the boiling water all over the table, some of which also landed in his lap. Now, while I don't recommend this extreme a measure, methinks a lesson was learned!

Francie, Francie, Francie...what you need to do, is exactly the same thing, except add vocals, like say "Wow, look at him hes got a great torso" no doubt your husband will say you cant see his torso, then you just need to add "Yeah but Id like to"
Soup it up, paybacks, compliment on the features that your man DOESNT have.
See how he likes it then.

Francie

It depends on HOW they look!
Noone enjoys the experience of their partner OBVIOUSLY ogling others. It's not a good feeling! AND quiet insensitive, too.

I have developed a plan ! I went out and bought a knockout, outfit ! tomorrow we are attending a wedding, I plan to be very friendly to some of the male guest. In a discrete way of course ! I may be 43 yrs old but I still have the slim and trim body I had in high school !

Remember to spill the red wine AWAY from you! Have a great time!

Francie, I feel the exact same way Piffka does!

I would however, not let him know it angers you. I would be extremely cool about it, and confident in the fact that you DO NOT HAVE to worry because you have your share of glances to boost your ego.

He is difinitely being very rude and insensitive.

Even if you were just dating, his behaviour would be rude.

Out of respect and love for you, he should act accordingly.

This all sounds to me like he's very insecure, about himself!

Maybe a little of "what's good for the goose, is good for the gander?"

Have a ball at the wedding, and lay it on, thick!!!!

Good one, Francie! I hope you have a fabulous time being a knock-out and that your lovely hubby finds something to think about, as well. Have fun and let us know how it turns out!