Ladies, what is your opinion about a husband staring at othe

Francie, I would have a huge problem with that!

Be back later!

Men look. Period.

Sounds like the problem isn't that your husband looks at other women (men are visual creatures, we like to look, but for most of us, that is as far as it goes), but that you seem so jealous of this habit. I don't blame you, but a confrontational approach in this situation will probably not help. Personally, I would sit down and have a rational talk with him regarding your feelings, and about how you need him to compliment you a little more often, and look at the ladies a little less. Don't yell, just express yourself in a calm and truthful way. I think that might go further than getting angry about it. I don't know you, or your history with your husband, but if said history does not involve any unfaithfulness on his part, I would not worry. Try the talk, see how it goes. Good luck! Incidentally, my wife looks at hot guys, has a huge crush on Viggo Mortensen...it doesn't bother me, she chose me, and we understand each other. Sometimes, cutting a partner a little slack really helps a relationship (a little, that is, you still must keep your claim and be heard )

Men AND Women look, but if they are kind to their partners, they don't make it obvious or do so in a hurtful way that makes their partner feel unloved, inadequate, less attractive.

Mention your feelings to him and tell him you don't like it. Period.

P.S. Francie, yer avatar is way cool! Umm, and what Piffka said...I get a little over-analytical sometimes...

Men look, but when he's with you he should cool it, in my opinion. My mother-in-law has a great way of dealing with her husband doing that -- she busts him by saying "Boy she's really hot, isn't she?" And then she'll look for another good looking woman and point her out, and continue until he gets embarassed and either stops looking or hides the fact that he's looking at other women.

I pretty much agree with Cav, though I do think it's just bad manners to do so when we're together. We all stare (not just a man thing at all) but I don't stare when I'm with my hubby, I stare (and comment) when I'm with female friends. And I know it's not just me. But we both feel like it's impolite to do so when we're together, especially a "turn his head staring" kind of thing.

Now, we comment, to each other, all the time. (We're actually really bad that way.) I mean, there are people who are hard to ignore. If a gal in 4-inch heels, a skirt cut up to there and a shirt cut down to here sashays by, everyone's gonna notice and it's artificial to just gaze into the middle distance and say "What? Who?" We just snicker or make mean comments in sign. Same if a guy saunters by with slicked-back hair, skin tight leather pants, and a mesh shirt. (We used to live in L.A., we saw plenty of both types, believe me.)

The point is that we are both inveterate people-watchers, but we tend to share the people-watching.

We have a friend who is TERRIBLE about this, and I've gotten mad at him on his wife's behalf (she's gotten mad at him plenty, too.) He's the kind of person where, when talking to him, I have to do a little curstyish dip so that he is again looking at my eyes rather than my chest. He's a sweetheart, he doesn't really realize what he's doing, but he does it ALL THE TIME. I do think there is a point at which it becomes unacceptable, especially in the company of the spouse.

Good luck!

Oh, what Piffka said. Gosh she's pithy. Pithy Piff.

Oh and hi Francie and LibertyD!

After reading cavfancier's advice, I'd like to add that the scenario I mentioned was performed in a joking, non-confrontational way which will definately work better than getting upset.

IMO, the problem is not that he stares at other women (it would be a sign of rudeness if he did it all the time). The problem is he never compliments your looks, and you deserve it. Perhaps, if you told him about that aspect he'd wake up.

Francie,I think it´s very rude and disrepectful of him.Especially when you just KNOW that he stares like a man obsessed when you´re NOT with him.Some guys just can´t get enough.Tch tch tch.

Hi sozobe!

I am a 'pick your battles' kind of person, because I think marriage can be really tough and can turn into a prison if we fuss over all the details...

Looking at other women is a blow to wifey's ego. I had a hard time with it, when I first noticed it in my hub, but it shouldn't be construed as a personal insult to you--because it's not one.

I tried to diffuse it with humor-- I did feel the need to comment, but also felt the need not to be a harpy or show my jealousy about it--

Try: OK, there's a five second limit on glancing; a few more seconds, and the term is stalking..

Do you think she has a sister for me?

Honey, I'll try to get her phone number for you. But, after that, it's up to you...

And, my favorite: Look, but don't touch!

Hey LibertyD, your original post suggestion is quite a good one! Humour goes way further than anger...disarm before you arm, so to speak

PS-- It might just be one of my eccentricities-- But, if I have to lobby for a compliment, it doesn't mean anything.

I have found if you make a point to compliment him on whatever you feel he deserves a compliment on--he may see the value of uplifting the one he loves, and begin doing it for you--without instruction...

Hi Sofia, we posted at the same time....glad you agree with me and Mrs. cav....the only time I apparently crossed the line with the Viggo thing was when I announced: "Uh, oh, there goes Viggo" and flushed the toilet...I thought it was hilarious, but as you know, I am still 10 years old

LibertyD--
I am a big fan of your mother-in-law!!!

Yup, humor's good.

I don't know if I'd suggest it as a way to "manage" the problem, though, especially if it's ongoing. If once is enough and the guy gets the hint and the problem stops, excellent. But if it's an ongoing thing, I think it'll just lead to resentment if it genuinely bothers the woman but she "manages" it with quips. Personally, I'd prefer the straightforward approach -- this is fine, this I understand, but this bothers me, and this is why.