Let's pretend my penis is a jellyfish!

I still don't get it, I mean, she considered your apartments doorman a stranger?

Why?

Isn't that one of the functions he's supposed to perform?

She didn't worry about you hanging out in the hallway so a real stranger could come along?

I still don't get it, I mean, she considered your apartments doorman a stranger?

Why?

Isn't that one of the functions he's supposed to perform?

She didn't worry about you hanging out in the hallway so a real stranger could come along?

? What I just quoted was from the first page -- as in, it's what boomer wrote. "He wanted my hands to be..."

My mother died thirty years ago, I can't ask her that. It was in 1950 that this small episode happened. Clearly she was shocked and reacted in the only way she knew how to keep my from doing such a thing as possibly letting in a man into our apartment with me by myself ever again.

I don't know the basis of her fear. My memory of the door man was that he was pleasant and sweet, with nothing untoward or pushy. But when I was eight, she was nearly 50, and she never did talk with me about sex. She was born in 1901.

Hm, I think, in Mo's case, where he's had a number of "other relatives" swarming around him, I would be more cautious. He's had unsupervised visits with his biological parents and whoever else was present at that time. I am not insinuating that there is a pedophile among them, but Mo needs to understand the difference between playing jellyfish with Mommy and Daddy, and being inappropriately touched by someone other than Boomerang and Mr. B.

Sorry, soz, when I checked, I didn't read that far, you're right..

If either Soz or Boomer refused to let the Sozelet or Mo dry themselves because they couldn't bear to have their babies grow up and be independent, this would be perverted.

Eventually mothers are neither needed nor wanted at bath time, but the timing varies from child to child and parent to parent.

There is an enormous difference between enjoying bathtime and forbidding personal growth and independence.

Noddy, why would anyone object to let sozobe or
boomer enjoy bathing times with their children? When my
daugther was 4 years old, we enjoyed that as well.

The issue was the "kiss the jellyfish" or was it toweling
them dry and bathing time? :confused:

No prob, Osso.

As per usual, Noddy has it right. (Right AND pithy!)

Those are interesting questions, Chia Tea. I think Soz did a great job of answering them in her excellent post and I can say that she speaks for me too.

Mo and I swim a lot. Very few pools have family dressing rooms. I won't let Mo go to the men's room by himself so he goes to the women's with me. Should we stop swimming because people see his penis in public?

Mo's a real nudist too. He knows he can be naked in the house and in the backyard any other place requires clothing. There aren't arguments or scenes or drama or anything else around putting on clothes to go somewhere.

I don't know at what age people start thinking the bath is a place to wash and dry only. I just turned 45 and given the opportunity I will lay in the bath reading for hours.

Typically I put Mo in the bath and I go start dinner. What I really like to do is sit in there and visit with him while he plays. It's the only time during the course of the day that he sits still for that length of time. It's a great time to reconnect and relax and yak about the day.

I think a better description than "sexual" for kids is "sensational". They like the sensation of touching themselves but it doesn't have a thing to do with sex. The whole sex angle is placed on the situations by adults, some of whom seem to think that kids are just little adults. They're not.

I don't think it is necessarily a good idea to single out the penis for some exhaulted or nasty or special place. Nobody should touch any part of his body without his permission. It's his body. If someone touches his body, not just his penis, in a way that makes him uncomfortable he needs to let it be known.

It is a very tough balance teaching kids what they need to know without making them lunatics!

And no, Mo is not basically 5. He's 4.

CJ--

An awful lot of self-appointed experts on parenthood are terribly, terribly anxious that children not be spoiled. Crying babies should not be picked up. Toddlers with skinned knees should not be comforted. Four year old children should wash and dry themselves and hang up the bath towel neatly folded into thirds.

Killjoys--all of them. Out-and-out, literal Killjoys.

Soz--

Thanks for the kind words.

I recommend Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Children from Sex by Judith Levine.

When it was published in 2002 all sorts of Moral Authorities (most of whom hadn't read the book, only reviews of the book by other Moral Authorities) called Ms. Levine an out and out pervert for explaining very clearly that sexual issues of children are complicated,'

It is well worth reading.

Absolutely CJane!

Every parent has to be on guard but Mo comes in contact with people in a different way than most kids. He sees his bio-family privately in their homes.

That is exactly what I was trying to say in my creaky brain post. Mo had spent the day with bio-family and introduced the jellyfish game that night in the tub. Even at the time that it happened I thought it was just another silly Mo thing but I felt that creak anyway.

I do everything I can to keep communication open between me and Mo.

no wonder your creak was so loud boom..

now, it makes perfect sense

Killjoys!

What a great word.

I'm reminded of all the great advice I got back in the "Let's talk about sex, baby" thread. I need to look that up and review.

Chai, I don't think there is any one thread that outlines the Mo experience. If there was it was probably back on Abuzz. Here's the Cliff Note version:

Mo is the child of my ex-neighbor's grand-daughter.

She was raised by her grand-parents when her own parents were sent to prison for drugs and child abuse.

Whe she became pregnant her grand-parent's threw her out.

She lived on the street for about 5 months when she called me up out of the blue needing help to get to a doctor's appointment.

Mr. B and I helped the budding family financially and emotionally. We became Mo's god-parents. He spent a lot of time with us.

About a week before his second birthday he was spending the night at our house and they simply never came back for him.

He's been here ever since -- almost three years.

It's really a LOT more complicated than that though.

Yes I understand Noddy, every parent tends to think,
they're doing a better job than the others

Being an adoptive parent, I was/am probably more nurturing and lenient myself, however, to me certain issues are important for a child to understand about sexual behavior - probably
something potential adoptive parents are taught at Social Services.

Noddy, I'm going to go buy that book!

Thanks for the recommendation.

Boomer--

Be warned--she doesn't simplify concepts. Instead you get an understanding about the complexity of the world.

oops... wrong thread.

(They look alike)

Yeah, right, gus. Mine's bigger.

You can tell them apart by size.

Thanks, Noddy. Point taken.