No you can't change him. Nobody can change anybody. We can only change ourselves. And it can be really tough living with some people.
However, without minimizing the difficulties you experience, which I have no doubt are real, and the guys may take exception to this which is okay, but I think sometimes we women do judge men by the same criteria we judge ourselves, and that can be a mistake. In a rather long lifetime now of observing my husband, son, uncles, nephews, male cousins and friends, I see certain patterns that can be misunderstood by women as something the guys don't intend.
You've spent your day cleaning out drawers, cooking, baking, weeding the garden, running errands, grocery shopping, and trying to get the dead bird out of the furnace vent.
Husband comes home and notices the living room is extremely cluttered and says, "This room is a mess".
You hear: "You lazy slob, you've been sitting around all day doing nothing and letting the housework go and this place should be all cleaned up."
He meant: "This room is a mess." Period end without any judgment of any kind attached to it. He may or may not notice anything you have done, but would be appreciative and even admiring if you point it out to him.
I'm not saying all guys are like that, but most in my life are. And it does make life more tranquil when we can understand that guys are simply mostly wired differently than we are and won't always see things or respond to things as we do.
Then again, I have worked for a couple of really narcisstic SOBs and I know they exist too.