What is it with me and married women?

Do you realize you are telling me to have cheap sex with another man's wife? That can't be right. I can't bang another man's wife. I can't do it! Why would that be okay?

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How could I possibly rationalize that?

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Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:

...make HER move. Tell her since she's married, she has to put forth all the effort to be with you.

I agree strongly with that.

I can't be expected to change my whole life at this point. I think I should just do what I have to do until...when? Until she tells him she's leaving him? Until she actually does leave him? Until the divorce is final? Hmmm...when is it reasonable for her to expect me to start making moves in order to accommodate her in my life?

Aaah, this is such crazy ****.

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I'm afraid to say I would moooost probably tell her she would have to choose, can only think about starting a life with me once she's left her husband, et cetera - then make love with her all night - and then move to Florida and tell her to bring the question of moving to PA up again only when she's followed through on leaving him.

But yeah, the making love with her all night would definitely be in there I'm afraid. That would be something noone could take away from us (ok, me) anymore, even if she does in the end stay with him.

<sighs> Guess you're the better man, Kicky...

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Oh screw that! I don't want to be the better man! I want some poontang!!!

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....Why not make this a poll, Mr K, and go with the most votes.

There definitely seems to be a male/female divide here. It's a bit like the angel on the right shoulder, and the devil on the left.

What WAS that film?
(angel: "think of the consequences...you'll regret it in the morning")

(devil: "Go on...f*ck her brains out)

Maybe I should post the question in the film section.

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Geez, I really hate to sound like the voice of reason around here. Especially when the rest of these guys are so funny!

Kicky, your instincts are 100% right. But don't dangle the possibility of life with you as an incentive for her to leave her husband. You'd never get past the guilt later if you thought you broke up their marriage.

Tell her that she needs to figure out whether the marriage should continue on its own...without you in the picture. Only if she's sure that's NOT what she wants can there be a clear possibility for a future with you or anyone else.

Why? Well, follow this scenario.

What if she leaves her husband for you, and then things DON'T work out between the two of you? She'd probably blame you for making her give up a sure thing. Or you'd feel obligated to stay with her because of her sacrifice. Not good either way.

The marriage needs to continue or dissolve on its own merits.

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Kicky, have you considered the possibility that if she'd met you two weeks before she met her husband, she'd be calling him now and having the same conversation? Let her put her money where her mouth is. If you're her soul mate than she needs to leave her previous soul mate first. She did marry him, right? Why'd she do that if the two of you were meant to be together?

Sounds to me like she got tired of her marriage and is looking for some spark. Spark is fine as long as she woman enough to leave her husband first. I don't know where you came up with the two year timeline - sounds a bit excessive. I'd suggest she separate, get divorced, and then if she's still interested you could start up with her with a clean conscience.

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YOU'RE not the one who's married. So what's wrong with banging another guy's wife?

Well to me, nothing. But I'm not religious, even though I have morals. For example, I wouldn't bang her if I was friends with her husband. But the simple fact that she's married wouldn't stop me.

By the way, where you wrote "we sang each other's songs...we sounded so good together," is now the gayest thing I've heard from you. Congrats.

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Couple of questions:

How often do you see her/talk to her?

Did she say she wanted to split up with her husband, or simply she wasn't happy? A lot of people stay unhappily married.

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kickycan wrote:

Do you realize you are telling me to have cheap sex with another man's wife?

I didn't say anything about "cheap."

Take her to a Broadway show...or a Yankee game. Blow her to dinner at Le Bernadine. Buy her a Versace designed dress.

But do her.

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That can't be right.

Right????

There is a "right" and "wrong" to worry about here?

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I can't bang another man's wife.

Try to use the language more exactingly, Kick. You might want to say, "I would prefer not to bang another man's wife" ...or... " I think it would be wrong to bang another man's wife.

But as for "I can't bang another man's wife"...well, you definitely can.

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I can't do it!

Once again...the language!!!

You definitely can.

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Why would that be okay?

Who says it has to be "okay"...whatever that means in this context?

Do it man!

Feel miserable about it later if you have to.

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That's the trouble with women. Even though it is a matter of life and death to the male groin, they always come up with logical reasons why the groin should be deprived.

Maybe it's because they have their brains in their heads?

...and alas, they are usually right.

Damn, I was looking forward to a racey post bedroom write up as well.

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soooo, has she told her husband that he's going to become an ex?

I'm not 100% against the sex thing, but if you're considering anything other than sex with this woman, you kinda want to be sure that she treats others in her life with some kind of respect.

If it's just about the sex - and you're going to be able to leave it at that - do it/her.

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Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:

By the way, where you wrote "we sang each other's songs...we sounded so good together," is now the gayest thing I've heard from you. Congrats.

LOL!

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Hehehe...that really does sound pretty gay now that I look at it quoted there.

Anyway, so yes, ehbeth, she says that she is going to leave him. I'm the first person that she told this to, however, so I don't know if she was just trying to get some kind of a backup guy for moral support or something...I don't know if she'll go through with it.

Okay, Frank, I would prefer not to bang another guy's wife, especially a guy I know. For some reason it seems harder when it's the wife of somebody that you have actually hung out with and been sort of friends with. Plus, she lives in Portland, Oregon. My dick is no cocktail weenie like Slappy's, but still, it isn't THAT long.

If they make a trip to PA to check it out before they move there though...NO! I have my principals!

Okay, let me think about this seriously...I had a crush on her, but that was a while ago...but when she told me all this stuff today, I did get a hard-on just from hearing her talk about it...but she has kids now, and I really don't think I want kids...so that possibly rules out ever really living together as a family...and she's always been a restless soul...kind of like me...that's one reason why I'm still single...so I'm not sure whether I would just be another in a long line of broken hearts for her...I don't want to hurt her though. But I want to get inside that goodie bag of hers...maybe if I wait until she tells her husband that she wants to leave, I'll be able to rationalize it.

Lord Ellpus wrote:

....It's a bit like the angel on the right shoulder, and the devil on the left.

What WAS that film?
(angel: "think of the consequences...you'll regret it in the morning")

(devil: "Go on...f*ck her brains out)

That would be "Animal House." It's the part where the girl is passed out on his bed and he's not sure what to do.

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She's moving to Pennsylvania WITH her husband?

<big buzzzzzer sound>

That'd be a big blecccccccccccch. Get outta town.

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Eva wrote:

Kicky, your instincts are 100% right. But don't dangle the possibility of life with you as an incentive for her to leave her husband. You'd never get past the guilt later if you thought you broke up their marriage.

Tell her that she needs to figure out whether the marriage should continue on its own...without you in the picture. Only if she's sure that's NOT what she wants can there be a clear possibility for a future with you or anyone else.

Yes! I did do that. I told her to take me out of the picture completely, and do what she has to do as if I wasn't even part of this. But I did tell her that I had had a crush on her for years. But really, I was firm about her dealing with her feelings for her husband before we could even think about starting anything up. I hope I didn't confuse her.

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ehBeth wrote:

She's moving to Pennsylvania WITH her husband?

<big buzzzzzer sound>

That'd be a big blecccccccccccch. Get outta town.

Well, she said that, for her kids, she would want to be around his family, because they all love the kids, and she thought that it might be easier for them if they split up for them to have a supporting family environment around. And they are close by, so that is where she would want to be. I think that might end up not being the great supportive environment that she thinks it will be once she dumps their son, but hey, none of this has happened yet, so who knows?

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J_B wrote:

Kicky, have you considered the possibility that if she'd met you two weeks before she met her husband, she'd be calling him now and having the same conversation? Let her put her money where her mouth is. If you're her soul mate than she needs to leave her previous soul mate first. She did marry him, right? Why'd she do that if the two of you were meant to be together?

Sounds to me like she got tired of her marriage and is looking for some spark. Spark is fine as long as she woman enough to leave her husband first. I don't know where you came up with the two year timeline - sounds a bit excessive. I'd suggest she separate, get divorced, and then if she's still interested you could start up with her with a clean conscience.

Yeah, that sounds right. I did think of that. She is, as I've mentioned, a pretty restless soul, and I think that she, like me, gets bored with life easily and always wants to take off and try something new.

She told me that she always knew that she didn't love him the way he loved her, but she wanted kids and a family and marriage...and now she wants something else. Hmmm....

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Sounds like one dramatic piece of ass.

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What is it with me and married women?

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