Coming clean and very confused.

Hi all. I stumbled across this forum topic while doing some googling. I am wondering what others may have experienced or done in a similar situation to what I find myself in in now.

So I’ve been in an affair with a single lady that has ended about 6 weeks ago. It started out as casual fun where she would invite me over around four times a week. At the start it we said that if feelings got involved that things would have to stop. I though yeah no problems it’s just abit fun.
Well fast forward 3 months and it happened. I caught feelings and she told me things were getting hard for her and she ended it.

She wanted to be more than a just a side piece which I totally understand. I wanted more with her too. I found myself wanting to spend more time with her. I wanted to take her out, and I also fantasised about a possible future together. but obviously it is t possible as I’m married.

We would message all day and send silly pictures of ourselves to each other. I miss the fact that someone actually like and cared enough to take time out of their day for me.

The confidence, joy and happiness I felt just by being in her company or knowing she was thinking of me is a level I’ve never felt before.

I have done a lot of reading and most things I have read say that the affair relationship I experienced is not a true relationship as we haven’t had to do everyday boring activities together which makes it unfair to compare her to my wife and that it isn’t a true reflection of what a relationship is.

I wasn’t caught out in my affair however I came clean with my wife afterwards as the break up really hurt me and I relapsed back into depression.
I am currently having weekly sessions of therapy. This isn’t couples therapy this is just for myself and my depression.

My therapist says to me that the intense happiness and joy feelings I had were only because the relationship was new and still in the honeymoon phase and that eventually I would feel the same as I currently do in my marriage.

He believes that my unhappy empty feelings stem from my childhood sexual abuse trauma. He has said that it’s a coping mechanism, when a child experiences severe trauma they disconnect from all feelings to block out the pain. Currently he has me trying to reconnect with the inner child with in me and find ways to bring happiness to myself which I also understand we shouldnt rely on others to make us happy.

I have been with my wife married for 10 years and together 20. We dated back in high school when we were 15. After meeting my affair partner it really has me questioning my marriage and whether I am turning my back on something special. I don’t have any experience in dating as an adult as I never had to.
How do I go about making a decision that I have to live with for the rest of my life?
Do I contact my ex affair partner just to talk about these matters on my mind?
Anyone that may have experienced something similar I would love to hear your insight on things.