I listened to him justify his affairs by saying I spent to much time doing things for my sons and family. He said she was married and not happy and together she gave him what he needed which was boosting his ego, agreeing with how big of a botch I was for loving and living for my my family, that they could talk about anything and everything and they had all these adveoand made out and tamed and texted about sex but apparently never had sex. From the day he started seeing her he changed sexually for the first time in 18 years. He started choking me, he became aggressive and rough and has not looked me in the face or been tender for 4 years. He started degrading me and saying things that upset me or made me cry and he would continue sex when I cried like I wasn't there or didn't count. He demanded oral sex period and wanted nothing but that and anal sex which we have never done and won't. Oral sex was for forplay and now it had become just about him I get used and get nothing from him. Not emotionally, not sexually, not intimacy, not co parenting, nothing. He denied it for 4 years and finally after another affair and me filing for divorce he said he would admit everything. He has admitted everything but sex with either of them but my gut was right and it's still telling me he had sex with them and they were both disgusting so he risked my health, ruined our family, brought her in my home and bed and around one of my sons. There's nothing he hasn't tainted or defiled leaving me with daily reminders of what has been ruined for me and my sons. There's no vows that count, no promises, my home and children have been violated, my belongings all the places I thought were special even music is ruined for me. He admits nothing and shows no empathy or remorse until my own beliefs have changed. I don't believe in love or marriage. I have no faith or trust in anyone but myself and I know he has lied for so long that he has probably always cheated and used me but just got caught. I'm not sure there is any hope for us and he seems to think that I should stay faithful and follow the vows we had but he can do what he wants. I don't believe in my vows, I don't feel married and I know I will never love any man deeply or before myself. I don't believe anything he says or does and I resent that he wasted 21 years of my life and that my kids have unbearable pain because of him. As far as the married woman and the 23 year old with 2 illegitimate kids 8 and 6 I met them and saw what they are and can't understand it. She's into drugs, being drunk, tattooed from head to toe, open about sleeping with men and women to get her hair or nails done, truly nasty and all I can think is that if she would have se. For nail polish she would sleep with anything. Again I feel he is nothing but a liar.