Is this an affair or all in my head

Reply Sun 2 Jan, 2022 12:23 pm
So me and my husband have been married for 10 years and have two children. We got married at 19 after meeting 12 months prior, which looking back, seems so young now. We have a decent relationship, but like any, we have and have had, ups and downs. Neither of us had physically cheated as far as I’m aware, although we have both had friends of the opposite sex along the way. I have a male friend who is also married with children, who I knew long before my husband. We always had a close friendship and although I have never been overly physically attracted to him there was always previsouly some sexual attraction. Nothing ever happened with us in the past, and I’m not sure if the feeling was ever mutual. He got married at the same age, and is still with his wife. Around 5 years ago he got back in contact after not speaking since we were 19. It was innocent snd friendly, and felt easy as though I had last spoke to him yesterday. We caught up on a lot of life changes and was we was happy to hear how happy and well we had both done for eachother. We said goodbye at the end of the convo and I didn’t feel like we would speak again. That year, he contacted me on a and off, usually on a work break etc or out with friends presumably when he was bored. As we began speaking more often I decided to tell my partner I was speaking with an old friend, it was all innocent conversations about families, work, life in general etc. I told my partner and he didn’t seem too bothered, and has never asked again since. Fast forward 4 years and we never stopped talking, we talk most days and going a few days without contact really hits hard. Although I don’t bring him up to my partner anymore I wouldn’t lie should he ask. And I don’t delete the messages as I have nothing to hide, that being said, we don’t go through eachothers phones. We ended up meeting a few times, I broke down the first time and he came and sorted my car, from there it was on the odd occasion, all friendly legitimate reasons. We have always shared mutual friends, and recently on a night out we ended up close together at the table, we was very drunk and he asked for a hug, this was the first time we had ever touched since chilhhood, and somehow for a split second things got and felt different. Every touch felt like electric through my body and we found ourselves just leaning in close and staring in each others eyes, it was a brief moment and then we pulled back. Since then we haven’t spoke as much as I feel we both don’t know what to make of it. Was it just a drunken moment or does alcohol bring feelings to the surface. I care about him a lot, I always have, I’v asked myself if I love him lately which is crazy, and as soon as that thought enters my head I kick it straight bsck out. But What if I do. I don’t want anything to happen with us, and neither does he. But it’s like my heart does, even if my head doesn’t. We’ve never spoke about feelings, even in the past, and I think we avoid that to make things less awkward as we both know even if we did nothing could happen with it. Is he just a friend, you can love friends right?
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 581 • Replies: 4
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Reply Sun 2 Jan, 2022 12:40 pm
Hi Claire.

Only you would know what your feelings are, but I doubt very much that it's love. I think it probably was the alcohol and it was a one-off.

You love your husband and I admire you for the way you're keeping everything aboveboard with him. I think you should continue to do that and perhaps limit the amount of time you spend with your male friend.
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bobsal u1553115
Reply Sat 8 Jan, 2022 10:42 am
This is a complication that has the potential to completely change your lives (spouses and children's lives included). As trite as it may sound: Resist temptation. There is danger continuing this. Your efforts would be better used to strengthen your marriage. And some internal discussion as to why you might be willing to risk it all over fantasy.
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Reply Fri 11 Mar, 2022 05:23 pm
You don't have a friend in your spouse. You have a spouse. That is unique. Other byproducts can be theorized and for those not in spousal arrangements they can aspire to see their less-than arrangement akin to the ultimate. But, they would be wrong and so are you when you see your spouse as a friend.

You have time in and even children. Use those as proof but know you are talking about your spouse. Set course accordingly and go to war for it.
bobsal u1553115
Reply Fri 11 Mar, 2022 09:36 pm
You sound VERY familiar.
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