Here's the thing about that though. You have been doing exactly that for years. And your mom shrugs it off and then you placate her. It's a vicious cycle. Your mom does something outrageous, you tell her to stop, she doesn't stop and you...do absolutely nothing.
The astonishing part is several of us picked up on that and your "therapist" hasn't. We're not therapists on A2K, but we can recognize when someone is being bullied. And your tormentor is your mom.
The scary part is...you are just like your mom.
And you're doing nothing about that.
You finally met up with someone who's not afraid to call you on your bullshit. Your wife recognizes the microaggressions coming from you and advises you to stop, But you don't. She tries again. But this time your wife is quite serious and puts her foot down. She is establishing healthy boundaries for herself and you think she's nuts for doing so.
I'm not sure why you continually see a therapist that sucks at the profession. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what's really going on here. You need more help from someone who knows what will make you recognize bully tactics and how to shut them down.
At this point, you have to admit your marriage is over. Not because of your mom. Or your wife. It's you. Completely and utterly you.
I really hope you do something about that.