Wed 3 Jul, 2019 08:35 pm
Hello all! If I write you this message it is, as the title indicates, to ask your opinion about an advice I've given to my best friend. I was wondering if I had done well or if I had been wrong, and I would have liked to have someone's opinion on that. Also, I apologize in advance if my English seems a little weird because it is not my mother tongue.
So, I explain the situation: my friend is on Tinder for over a month. She had matched with a girl at the beginning of June. She (my friend) had initiated the contact and at the start, it went well, the girl asked questions and answered, etc. so for 2 days then nothing. So, two days later, my friend sends a rather comical "revive" message about something she said before and tells her that if she was interested, they could talk about it around a glass of wine ( because on her profile, the girl wrote that she was a great wine lover). Here it works, the girl answers the same day again saying that she was sorry, that she was not much on Tinder (even if she answered the same day, but hey) and that she did not allow notifications, so she sometimes forgot that she had messages. But the girl still raises the conversation, and moreover she accepts the appointment saying she never says no to a glass of wine. My friend asks her if she will be available soon or if she prefers to wait until the end of the exams (they are, like me, university students) and the girl answers that if she has to wait until the end of the exams it will maybe to be far away as she finishes at the beginning of July (she writes on June 8th) but she is nevertheless available from the 25th.
So, my friend wishes her good luck by the end of the exams, and offers her two dates so that they could meet (it was June 9, they send a message a day). And since, radio silence, the message has remained unanswered. At first, my friend did not send anything else because she told me that since the girl was in exams, she probably had to be busy and so she did not want to harass her and because she did not wanted to look needy. But by the 23rd, still no news, so the same day (that is to say 2 weeks without news), she sends her a "revival" message to ask if she was still interested in the fact that they meet each others, but this message is also remained unanswered since.
So, my friend had asked me if she should contact her again. I told her that it was probably better not to do so because she'll send a message when two were already unanswered, that 3 messages was going to start doing a lot and that for now she was in her right and had not seemed needy, but that if she returned one it was likely to happen.
In addition, via a subterfuge worthy of the FBI, my friend managed to find the girl on Facebook. She did not send anything to her but look at her profile, and in fact she thinks that maybe they could get along really well because they have a lot in common, and moreover she really likes her physically. She also saw that the last activity on her Facebook account was just two days ago ... My friend said that she had thought to contact her via Facebook, but I advised against doing so because it would make her seemed like a big stalker.
So here, I do not know what you think about it? I told my friend that unfortunately it would probably have been better to move on because if the girl was really interested she would have followed up even being very busy (unless this girl met someone in the meantime, competition is tough on Tinder and in real life). Especially that she is tormented for a girl she has never met while, at the same time, she had other appointments (thanks to Tinder) and it seems to work well. And as she told me, this is not the first time that someone does not answer her anymore, but this girl looked really cool, and what irritates her is not being able to meet her at least once to see if it could indeed work or not.
So in your opinion, should she contact her anyway, since she seems to be interested by her and that girl seems to be the one that attracts her the most amongst all her matches? Or it would be better - as I advised her - to move on with her others dates, and with a little of luck the girl will come back of herself (but at least she will not have seemed needy by sending too much messages)? And if you agree with me, how can I help her to get on top of that?
Thank you in advance for your answers!
PS : I write this message because I think she should not do it, but I have a doubt and I'm afraid she misses an opportunity to try because of a bad advice from me.
You canâ€™t push a river.
No matter how much your friend wants this to happen, that ship has sailed.
And no more Facebook sleuthing! All that is doing is making your friend feel like she's missing out. She's not.
Thank you for your answers, Chai and Jespah!
Yeah, I have the same view. I hope my friend will move on soon.