being the scarlet woman to my 45 year old geo teacher....

1. You are in school (high school) and are fairly young... You will go through immense changes over the next few years (3-5), and will find that each successive relationship will be fairly different from the next (hopefully more mature)

2. you do not mix business with pleasure...

You can date men / women outside your age group... nothing wrong with that, but when you are dating someone that is affilliated with business it becomes a problem.

He is your teacher, you are the student. His job is to educate you without predjudice / bias... and he cannot do that while he 'loves' you.

3. "I will leave my wife when the children are older" is a common line used on many women... It almsot never works out... Especially if his daughters are that young.

Move on... use that pretty lil' head of yours and move on... you're simple a younger, better looking piece of ass to him. Sorry to be so frank.

You are a beautiful, young, intelligent woman. He is a 45 year old man, married with two children. You have everything exciting to look forward to in life. What does he have? I can see why he is attracted to you! You make him feel adored and admired and young and carefree again. Not stifled by a job he may be growing tired of, not faced with bills and commitments of a wife who has just recently given birth and all of those unpredictable ups and downs. Not burdened with another child demanding of his time and energy. You offer him a breath of fresh air and moments of freedom that he may feel he has lost in his own life and marriage with kids.

Of course you two have SO much in common! He makes it that way. He shows earnest interest in everything you say and do, in a way living vicariously through you so he doesn't have to think of his "real life" at home with the mortgage and the car payments and the baby crying and dirty diapers and an exhausted wife and work pressures and family pressures. You are, at this moment, his salvation.

He is, at this moment, your heartbreak. It is not easy to see when you are in the middle of his loving words, his kind gestures, he attentive presence. But he has already said everything that should raise enough red flags for you to reconsider doing anything with him. He said he may leave when the kids are older. Trust me, he won't. If he had any intention of leaving, he would have done so already, with or without you being party to his decision. He tells you everything you want to hear and because you so want to believe, you do believe....and you hold on.

I will bet my very last cent that if push ever came to shove, his wife and his family will always come first...because they need him and you don't.

As I was a teacher for 30 years, it especially pains me to read of your situation. Your teacher is involved in a double betrayal of trust. First, he is betraying you as a student, by casting you in a role that is totally inappropriate, not to mention illegal (even if you are 18). Secondly, he is betraying the trust of his wife and family.

Speaking as a guy, any man who would betray people on this scale is NOT someone to be involved with. It may well be exciting for you to be the confidante and potential lover of an older man--but the context is all wrong, and, at 18, 45 is much too old for you, even if both of you were totally unencumbered.

Please leave this relationship NOW. It will very likely lead to nothing but heavy trouble for innocent people--you being one of them.

A 45-year-old man who wants to be involved with a woman your age may not want to give you up gracefully. Be prepared for arguments--even threats. If he threatens you, I'd turn him in to his school, because he may be dangerous to other young women in his classes. He is not well. He should get discreet help from a professional to save his marriage, his means of support, his self-respect. You are in a position to encourage him to change his ways--but this is NOT your job. If he doesn't accept a suggestion of getting help, that's his problem, not yours.

Good luck to you! I'm really sorry this happened. You are probably a very kind person, but your kindness is going to a person who doesn't deserve it.

Mintcake, I'm responding to this thread to bump it back up onto the main page. Perhaps JLLLLL will see it here and continue his comments on your thread.


This reminds me of a situation I was aware of in high school. My sophmore history teacher was young, attractive, married, had a 3 year old son and all the girls were in love with him. I would babysit for him occasionally while he and his wife went out.

The next year he became attracted and 'friendly' towards a girl in his class. He was in his mid 20s, she was 15. They maintained their relationship until she graduated from high school. The next year he became attracted and 'friendly' towards a different girl in his class. He was in his late 20s, she was 15. They maintained their relationship until she graduated from high school. During this time his wife had divorced him. Sure enough, the next year he became involved with another girl in his class. He was 32, she was 15. Her father was a Dean at the local University and he didn't take too kindly to a 32 year old teacher getting involved with his underaged daughter. The father pressed charges, the teacher was fired and agreed to leave town in order that the charges be dropped.

Mintcake, as others have said, you are only aware of his situation based on what he has told you. You said his wife looked joyous when she brought the baby into class. It's possible she is totally unaware of your relationship and thinks her marriage to be perfectly happy. It's also possible you aren't his first student conquest. It's also possible there will be others after you.

Cheers J_B. Yeah. There are others after me. Two others and theyre lovely guys... but theyre nothing in comparison. Not even close. Theyre everything I would've gone for before... But now I just don't want anyone else! Frustrating yeah but...... *shrugs* I'm just seeing how things go. I've been at my school for quite a few years now, I've known the girls that have been before me... and I've never caught any hint of the type of relationship we have now with any others and our school is really small and I've been spending a lot of studies and classes with him, and keeping a general lookout so I think I'd have had a good chance at noticing something.. Our relationship has been developing gradually for years.. that's what makes it difficult for me to handle criticism about his personality... because I feel like I know him so well.

I didn't mean 'after you' in the sense of others being interested in you, although I'm glad you have other suitors. What I meant was, like my history teacher, there might be other students he becomes involved with after your relationship is over.

Are you going away to college in the fall?

Ahhhhh...... yes I see. lol. as in... the 'next in line' as it were.... yeah... tho I know all those girls and the one I'd pick, he really doesn't like. Nah, college is real close by so I can stay at home... and therefore coincidentally be close to him.. I know you'll be going "damn, it'd be good for you if you were moving away" but alas, alack, I am not. He reckons it'll be way better next year, cos we can meet up for coffee and arrange things easier to spend more time together and it won't be the 'ooh ahh that's illegal' type thing if were seen meeting up socially.

If anyone happens to be moderately interested: heres a quick update. It's been almost a year since we started seeing eachother. Were closer than ever and I've found out a lot about him. He's still with his wife and as of yet, there are no immediate intentions to leave her, which at this moment suits me fine, because I'm not ready to move in with him and become a stepmother just yet. Were getting on absolutely fantastically and he's not pushing me into anything at all, so everythings up to me. I'm about to graduate from highschool so things should be getting even easier soon - and less illegal... I'm really happy, whilst knowing all the 'dangers' that have been pointed out, and I'm keeping them in the back of my mind. Thanks everyone.

Mintcake--

Good luck.

Mintcake

I don't mean to offend you, but it's looking like you are now officially wife #2. Good luck from me, too.

<yawn>

She's not Wife #2, and she never will be. He's got it all...the nice home life with wife and kids, a steady job, and a naive, teenage girlfriend on the side who flatters his ego, adds a little excitement and doesn't threaten the set-up.

You're being used, Mintcake.

Live and learn.

that's an interesting assessment of things.

I suspect there are at least two other people in the relationship who believe the very same thing about themselves.

I stayed away because I was hoping that "geo" meant geography .

Mintcake,
I am glad that you are graduating soon from high school--glad not so much because your relationship will seem less illegal to you, but because you will need education (ideally, college, too) to support yourself. This man is not at all likely to contribute to your room and board--ever. As Eva points out so clearly, he has other responsibilities, and, although he tells you that he is not attracted to his wife, he's got a great deal to lose if he leaves her for you. Alas, I see you being strung along for as long as you tolerate it. Please, bail, before you (and his wife and children) get hurt.

I'm impressed that so many of you are still trying to get through to her. It demonstrates admirable persistence, but I think your energies could be put to better use elsewhere...say, acquainting your head with a brick wall, for example....

I didn't mean "wife #2" in the sense of being an equal, Eva. I was trying to say that her relationship as # 2 was well & truly established. That is, secondary to # 1, the most important relationship. This man is probably delighted with the arrangement!

yeah... youre right. trying to 'get through to me' now is as productive as banging your head against a brick wall. I am well aware of all the dangers and I've made my decision to 'find out the hard way' which exact dangers are actually occuring. I'm pretty sceptical and so am looking out for myself... though he and I both feel like right now we have a deal that suits us...

and Eva sweety, I don't agree that I'm naive... I understand all the views on this relationship. I'm sceptical, somewhat cynical, good at reading personalities and willing to put in a bit of energy into something that is proving to be worth my while. I'm not reliant on him, I'm not deluding myself and I'm completely aware that there's a possibility that one day, (although highly unlikely) he might just turn around and say 'thats it, were finished'. and I'm prepared for that. Currently, I'm really enjoying his company, his attentiveness, his friendship, and just him for who he is.

I'm sorry I didn't make the decision you hoped I would.