being the scarlet woman to my 45 year old geo teacher....

Well, if he doesn't get arrested you might have a chance.

Gotta say, he's not someone who'd be accepted in my circle, and we're pretty open-minded.

Yeah... What would happen exactly if we were found out before the school year ends??

I'd guess he'd be fired. I doubt he'd be arrested if you're over 18.

Has a bit of the Heloise and Abelard ring to it ... Doesn't it ?

Yeah it does a little... Only.... Heloise gets pregnant.... and wow- I'd be screwed if that happened. What do people think about the age gap?

Hmmmmm. What's wrong with this picture? He is married. To make matters even worse, he has children. And what is he doing? He's fooling around with someone that is young enough to be his own child. That is his student, in high school, no less.

Girlfriend..........you can do much better. Save yourself some heartache and move on. He will not leave his wife and kids. He just wants a toy. And you are it, in my opinion.

I happen to be attracted to older men, also. But at 18, someone 45 is just too extreme in my book.

Run.....don't walk. Get as far away from him as you can. He's bad news. Too many people are in line to get hurt on this one. There are no winners.

Hold on 2 seconds.... 18 x 2.5 = 45...
You're with a guy who actually is twice your age?? Well 2.5 times exactly

I'd say don't even go there hun
I'm pretty against younger girl vs older married guy "who will leave his wife when the kids are older"... it's usually a load of crap
Also, how much of the attraction do you think is to do with it being exciting and dangerous and taboo? Will you feel the same when you're a few years down the line?
Worse, assuming it did work out (i'm not by the way) then when you're 30 and thinking about kids he's gonna be in his late 50s... umm eww. The maths gets worse the older you get - he'd be 70 and getting damn old and creaky before you hit 50.
I know the chances of it working out like that are slim but then, what is the point in going there if it's not gonna work out?

Mintcake

Your teacher is a fully-fledged adult, even though he's not really behaving like one at the moment. It's not right to give you (his student) a "my wife doesn't understand me" story, in the hope that YOU will! It's not fair to you to be put into a situation where you're sympathizing with his problems ... in what could well turn out in the long run to be at your own expense. Really, he's quite out of line here. I'm a teacher, too & this sort of behaviour is not seen as OK by most other teachers, nor by the law ... It's seen as taking advantage of someone much younger with less life experience than you. He knows that, too. He is not acting in a principled way.

My best advice to you: stick with your studies, get to where you want to go in terms of further study/career, make the best of your opportunities. Don't let this person, who should be helping you achieve your goals, divert you at such an important stage of your life & education. And trust me, in a few years time, with a bit more experience under your belt, you'll see him for what he actually is - a desperate & selfish man whose willing to take advantage of your trust & respect for his own purposes.

Mintcake said:



Yes, you would have been screwed!

Start running away now!

Here...I'll help you...on your marks, get set...

Hey everyone. Thanks heaps ay. Not like it's what I wanted to hear... but I think it is more or less what I expected. I dunno... it's crap cos I really like him, and he's sooooooo good looking ... I was kinda thinking... with the whole age thing... if the relationship lasted a relatively long time- then I wouldn't care?! But I guess I would... and I guess he's taking advantage.... but he's so genuine... urgh. Confusing. Difficult. Funny thing is, my mum was saying the other day that she hopes I end up with someone like him... hahaha. If only she knew...

Hey, and bekaboo... I knew the other thread was a bit of a laugh... but on that same subject distantly so I thought a message there would fit appropriately... I do like contributing myself where I can... People in this site are really awesome. Thanks.

Mintcake

Hey, I'm really impressed that you came back to this thread, given that we told you what you didn't want to hear! You listened & you responded. You you don't run away from things you don't want to hear. That's impressive!

yeah... well msolga, seeing that you are a teacher... it seems to give you the credibility and the ability to relate to the situation more deeply. I never thought this relationship with the teacher could ever happen... I always sort of hoped it would and then told myself off that he was happy with his wife and children. And then I found out that he isn't happy at all! and far from being in love with her! and that its me he likes?! I definitely made sure I didn't show him how I felt before this and when he kissed me he quickly apologised until I said it was okay... Oh its so difficult. Hey- what will probably freak you guys out is that his wife cheated on him a while ago with an older guy... does that strike you as me being internal revenge?!

It's hard to know what's behind his actions, Mintcake, without knowing him personally. If he IS taking out his revenge on his wife THROUGH YOU, then It sounds like he's using you to teach his wife a lesson. Hey, that's not fair on you, is it?

It's interesting that he tells you about problems with his wife. How do you feel about that? Do you really want to know?

Yeah I do want to know. I ask him. I think it's important that I understand where he is in the rest of his life to be able to understand what his intentions and his feelings are toward me. His wife got cancer and with treatment it went away but she had an affair after that difficult time and went on a vacation overseas (she said she was going alone but she went with the other guy)... He was really upset and I think that's when he fell out of love with her. He's never told anybody about that, and then one day, he told me. We are really good together... make eachother laugh, same points of view and my listening and councilling compliments his need to be heard. Were really comfortable in eachothers company and can talk for hours with no awkwardness and then, were also sexually attracted. But the age, the marriage, the kids... its such a big negative...

Most teachers (no, not just teachers, most adults) wouldn't tell some one your age those sorts of details about their marriage, Mintcake. Why? Well, it's not appropriate, as boring as that sounds. I know that you say that you've encouraged him in this, but really, he is an adult AND your teacher. His job as your teacher is one of trust. He is trusted to treat you (as his student) in the best possible way to enhance your education & welfare. Kissing you, confiding intimate personal details to you (no matter how much you encourage it) is way out of line. Not very exciting I know, but absolutely true. Recently there have been a number of teachers on trial in Australian courts (I'm Australian) for having sexual relationships with their students. Some have been sent to jail & many will not be allowed to teach anymore. This could happen to your teacher if anyone decides to report him.
More importantly, though, you say he has family & they are not going to go way. So what would be achieved by getting even more involved with him? Do you think, maybe, that it's the secrecy aspect to your relationship with him that makes it so exciting?

In addition to what msolga said, the man is behaving in a most unprofessional way. You are being taken advantage of. You are not the first nubile young lady who has been fed the line, "I will leave my wife when the kids are older". IMO, you are being given a load of bullshit.

Run, as fast as you can. You are being used. In some bad marriages, an outside affair makes the marriage more bearable. At 18, you need to develp relationships that have a chance to go somewhere, and this one, IMO, is a dead end.

I only mean this constructively, but you are being manipulated. I teach grad students and many times I get very cute senior girls (college) taking grad courses and , being nice to them is often misinterpreted. If a teacher were a bit predatory he could have himself quite a smorgasbord.(sounds like yours is such a skeeve)
Did he gradually unfold these personal travails to you ? I suspect he did, cause the story has to keep getting better so you keep your interest level high enough that he can work his manipulation.
I was on a faculty discipline committee when I taught full time and we dealt with this alot, . The rules are quite specific and breaking them puts many lives at risk in a number of areas. You have to begin thinking in adance of your years and become the adult .
Im sure hes flattered as hell and it gives him an ego jolt. Hes also thinking with his "other" brain.
To you, he represents authority and a dalliance with adulthood. Keep being a kid and enjoy the best part of your life , being unattached in your early twenties will be a blast, you wanna be there without this old lech by your side. Truth is, you both will tire of each other and he'll feel really guilty and you will get bored. SO why not cut through all the infatuation stage and plans for a relationship and get back to your life.
Believe me, its not unique , and the statistics are so not in your favor.

Teachers and cops have an abundance of opportunity to show interest and "run" relationship scams with girls much more than you want to know. Cops with lonely young housewives and teachers with their students. Dont be a chapter in a boringly predictable study of "somewhat deviant" (IMHO)behavior

I agree with the others and there's nothing more I can say that hasn't already been said.
I will say that if you continue with him, I think you will have major regrets.
This guy is conning you and you need to protect yourself from that.
I agree with Fishin in saying that you're at an awesome age and you should be having the time of your life.
There is no doubt in my mind that this guy is using you, as I can't count the times I'm seen guys like him in action.
Be good to yourself and don't let him take advantage of you any longer.

Best of luck to you and welcome to A2K :-D