being the scarlet woman to my 45 year old geo teacher....

The comment about him not getting much 'nookie' while she's pregnant. Yip. I have thought about that prior... and I did confront him about it... He was like... "what?! No of course not! and we only had a second child so our first would have a friend. Not like we've done anything anyway! and we don't have to. If you don't want to, that's fine, I mean that."

The other issue I have in fact addressed is being the 'only one'. I have thought maybe he chooses a final yearer every year... he said that'd be like "playing russian roulette with a full chamber. No. I would never. I never planned on having an affair! I thought I would stay faithful for ever... but I guess my feelings changed. Besides anything else (jokingly) I wouldn't have time to hold down anymore girls!!!!! "

Wow. What youve said I've really taken onboard. Sounds like a real similar situation... and I am being as careful as I possibly can that I don't/won't/can't regret anything. Minimising regret is very important... Funnily enough, regret can also occur if an opportunity isn't taken up............

Nice to know I'm not the only one...

Oh, I remember that last part, too. When I was in high school I dated a few college guys. UNMARRIED college guys.

Mintcake, a central thing that I'm not sure if you're getting is that of course he has answers for everything -- that doesn't necessarily mean anything at all. EhBeth alluded to this earlier, about how he might not be the best source of information. Let me say that more strongly -- he's NOT the best source of information. We already know that he is capable of lying and deceiving.

All of what you quote him as saying fits smack dab into the adulterer's canon. It's all terrible cliche.

Put it this way, if all of these things were true -- if he was out looking because his wife was pregnant, if he has done this before -- would he tell you? Why?

I know a girl who married a (married) teacher she had in middle school. Something like 16 years and counting now.

Life IS stranger than fiction.

I had strong affections for my lecturer - at first I thought it was a girly crush, but I don't know...something tells me its more than that. He's gone now doing his PhD in Europe and there isn't a day when I don't think about him.

He was about 27 when I met him - so there wasn't too much of an age difference btwn us (8 years) but I never got the courage to take it beyond a student-teacher relationship, simply because I didn't know how he felt towards me. He was kind and understanding to me and seemed to pay more attention to me in class or wanted to talk to me a bit longer and about stuff other than study when I asked him a question (this was in his staff room of course, not in class - people would talk). But that was it. He never flirted and was otherwise very professional.

He wasn't married - didn't even had a girlfriend. He didn't smoke, drink and although his parents were rich, he was a "self made" guy - took himself through his bachelors and masters degrees - and he only lived with his parents when he was doing his bachelors. I think that was all the help they ever gave him. He graduated with honours.

He was very independent, honest and kind - very gentle and he was very very intelligent. I could see a great future for him and when he was leaving for Europe I so really wanted to keep in touch with him but couldn't open my mouth. he didn't offer any contact information either and so we left it at that. He isn't coming back, at least not during the years that I will be in Oz. I wish I had asked him to keep in touch.

*sigh*

Just my burble - I thought this thread was an appropriate place to post my story.

Yeah it was an appropriate place to post your story 'pragmatic' and is perhaps a perfect, precise example of regret going the other way (regret for missed opprtunity) that I was referring to in an earlier post. That's what makes life that much more difficult... you don't know how to minimise regret until you can see the situation in hindsight.

Also, 'sozobe' you were saying how it's 'interesting' that Stephen has the answers for everything.... which is kind of a 'no win' situation for him... because if he was telling the truth (or even if he was lying) he'd have answers for everything, because any person talking about themselves can answer simple questions. I'm not shooting you down... that I do agree it is quite a justified point.... but I just fail to see how 'having answers for everything' can help to sway his reliability one way or the other.

It sounds, Mintcake, that despite what anyone says that you're determined to go ahead with this. Do you think there's any point in any further posts here?

My grandmother married her highschool teacher, does that count? They were together 60 years.

Obviously that is running back a little.

Hope things work out for you.

"Interesting"? I just re-read, didn't see that.

My point is the same as yours -- what HE says doesn't help sway reliability one way or the other. Yet, you keep bringing up what he says, the answers HE gives to various concerns.

He could have motives pure as the driven snow (well OK, snow that's been there for a while, near a freeway -- at best, he's cheating on his wife with his student), or he could be the most callous and dishonest of users.

So what do you have to indicate where he falls on that spectrum other than what he says?

Any man who is willing to cheat on his wife is willing to cheat on you. Think of it that way.

He cannot bond with his own baby--but he can bond with you.

What's wrong with this picture?

His despised wife and the new baby are the same person? His baby is mentally and physically defective so that even daddy can't love her? His needs and desires are far more important than those of his new-born daughter?

And he's telling you this proudly as part of his rational for his generation-bending affair?

Yeah - that's the part that bothered me the most too, Noddy. (Sorry to butt in, and don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said - but I was just waiting for someone to mention that). That point more than any other just paints this guy as a cold and selfish screw up. He should be at home cementing his relationship with his child instead of scheming how to find time to fool around with one of his students. He sounds immature - despite his chronological age.

I second that question....I also was very disturbed by the mention of not bonding with the new baby, as Noddy and aidan were...I just don't know that Mintcake really wants input on this subject.

yes yes yes - I think that girls, especially around their teens or merely early twenties are very very easily flattered and fooled, especially when they think they have power over older men. Guys - like our age - they are easy to ... uhhh...get with, but I think to us, MEN are the challenge and if you believe you have "caught" one, it could prove to be a complete illusion. I think the only older guy I can trust both as a good friend and family member is my dad. *still my daddy's little girl*

Pragmatic . . . where women roar and men thunder . . . like your new avatar . . .

Oh wow!! That is really really ... well, romantic. What was the age difference like? What period was this? 40s? 50s?

thank you! I always enjoy seeing your new doggy avatar changes every now and then.

I am also a teacher and where I come from it is totally unacceptable for a teacher to have a romantic, let alone sexual, relationship with a pupil/student. This is out of considerations of professional integrity and morals. We are far from uptight about romance and sex in Finland, but it has no place in a teacher-student relationship; it is utterly out of the question. I can't think of anything more damaging I could do to my professional career!

i had an english teacher who divorced her husband and married a former student...they r happy and have replicated like frikin rabbits...i mean id stay away from him until graduation, but even after idk ur kinda breaking up his home (hes helping too its not all you) but idk now ur just risking his career, his record, and his respect by his children and peers...as well as yours for that matter.