Husband cheated whilst I was pregnant

Hi everyone,

This is a a long story so please bear with me.

My husband and I have been together for 10 & married for 6 years. We get along very well (lots of same interests, mutual friends,work in same industry). We now have 2 beautiful kids-a 2yo and a 1yo.

Our first child was unexpected and we were enjoying life and traveling at the time and had to go from having a great social life to needing to settle down. I had severe post natal depression and feel that was where things went downhill. My husband tried to be there for me but I just wanted to be alone. Being first time parents is hard enough as is, and his temper has always been quite short. So there were many trying moments and he felt like I wasn't there for him (which was difficult as I was still recovering from birth and fighting depression).

When my baby was 6mo I fell pregnant with the 2nd one. There were issues with the pregnancy and I was literally in hospital every week for monitoring. On top of that, I was working quite a lot (we work in the same team). So stress levels were just generally high and I was just super tired.

I didn't really consider anything else apart from getting through the pregnancy as it was hard having a toddler and being pregnant. My husband helped a lot with the toddler so that helped too.

Towards the end of the pregnancy I was told I needed to be induced which I was very worried and anxious about. Was given a day's notice (I was still working and had to just leave) and it was Valentine's Day. So we went out for a nice dinner and he bought roses and another gift.

That night I was packing my bag and transferring photos from my phone onto the Pc. My plan was to get an early night's sleep as I needed to head to hospital at 6am the next day. Anyway, as I was on the PC, his mobile messages were also synced and I then saw a bunch of messages between him and another girl. The last messages were him telling her that he was still at work on Valentines day and he had no plans. There were plenty of messages going back and forth, and in short, his alter ego was single, broke up with his gf and happy to hook up.

I was furious and was yelling and crying and threw his roses on the floor. He said sorry and calmed me down and told me to get rest. He didn't consider it to be cheating as they never got physical and he said he never had intensions of meeting her in person. It was 'just for fun'. So we went to bed and he fell asleep but I was still so upset I couldnt sleep. So I took my bag and was leaving the house when he woke up and told me he was sorry again. He said he needed help and promised to seek help if I forgave him. By then it was 2am and I was exhausted so I agreed and we went to bed again.

So bubs was born and that was left aside for a while, neither of us bringing it up. I was seeing a psychologist for my depression and now this as well. He never seeked help as he promised until nearly a year later when I forced him to. And it took him months as he was not proactive in doing so. His defence was that he had never been to a psychologist and was not comfortable with it. I gave him that and just let it be.

Fast forward over a year now, I'm still unable to trust him and apart from those few sorries he has done nothing to gain my trust again. My self esteem is at an all time low and I feel like whenever he has issues and feel I'm not able to help, he will seek elsewhere. We have not been intimate for over a year (last time was on that valentines day so getting intimate just brings back memories). So my husband and I are now merely housemates. On top of that, the whole ordeal links to my baby's birth so thinking about his birthday just makes me sad.

We are currently seeing a psychologist and have had 2 sessions. But he lost his job 2mo ago so have been at home with no motivation to do anything (kids are at care). I feel like these couple counselling sessions will be a waste until he sorts himself out as he is emotionally unavailable now and goes through different mood swings. I'm trying my best to be there for him but it's exhausting as I also have my own battles to deal with (& a baby who wakes 3-4 times a night). My way of pushing myself to get back up and feel better about myself was to start a side business which I have been doing to keep my mind busy. But this means I'm up until 3am every night working on it once everyone else is asleep.

I'm not sure what advice I'm seeking but just needed to vent as I have not told anyone else about all this apart from the psychologist who I see once a month. I do want things to work between us as we got along so well once, but more and more I'm just exhausted and feel like I deserve to be appreciated and respected more. Is this marriage worth salvaging? Does he deserve forgiveness?