Hints to my sexuality over homework

Forums: Lying, Asexual, Closeted
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Today I got an assignment for class about arranged marriage. Long story short, my parents and I both have to list qualities we would look for in an ideal marriage candidate for me.

I've known I'm asexual since the 8th grade.

I basically listed variants of not interested, because I don't like to lie on assignments because it feels like I'm lying to myself.

My parents got mad, because I'm setting myself up for failure by not listing qualities the teacher will count?

I don't care, but I am still closeted (in a safe environment but scared to come out because of some events that happened in the past.)

So, do I lie on the assignment just to get a good grade, or do I be honest that I am not attracted to people, without stating my sexuality, and just write a note or something saying I haven't thought of people in that way?

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Type: Question • Score: 8 • Views: 2,399 • Replies: 53

View best answer, chosen by JustAnAce

@JustAnAce,

I don't see anything wrong with lying.

They are asking you to make a public statement about something that should be private. Consider this a fiction assignment, and write a good story. If it were me, I would have fun with it and amuse myself (maybe you want to marry an astronaut who becomes president...). But I have always been a bit of a clown.

In academics, you should follow the rules about not cheating; don't plagiarize, or copy or make up facts about academic subjects. When you are writing about personal affairs, you have no ethical obligation to tell the truth about things that aren't anybody's business anyway.

In this case, you have every right to have the space to be yourself. There is no reason for you to feel you have to express private matters in public. You have the right to express yourself at your own time in your own terms. Just make something up and make it good.

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Once again -
Ladies and gentlemen, witness what passes for "education" in 2019.

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@JustAnAce,

I'll ask you. Do you wish you could take the assignment to your teacher's desk and say "Why don't you teach us something instead of asking us questions?" ?

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@JustAnAce,

(I am teaching you how to stand up to "authority" if you feel they shouldn't be in authority. )

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@Ponderer,

I absolutely hate having to do anything personal involving schoolwork. It feels like I have to have certain opinions and beliefs and think about things I never planned on doing.
The teachers nice and I don't think she meant it to be invasive, but it's annoying to think this is the way she wants to teach us about Romeo and Juliet. Its not about world history or cultural studies, it's just a poem where the main chick happens to be in an arranged marriage. I would much rather actually read the poem, which we haven't done yet.

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I rest my case.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

I don't see anything wrong with lying.

They are asking you to make a public statement about something that should be private. . . .

I agree. This assignment is way to intrusive.

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@JustAnAce,

You have a right to your personal feelings and I think you should have the right to keep your personal feelings personal. You shouldn't have to choose between telling the truth against your will and lying.

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@JustAnAce,

Answer it in something other than the first person.

Some girls dream of a tall, dark and handsome prince who will sweep them of their feet.

And money, lots of moolah.

And intelligence, was intelligence mentioned?

No, it was not.

The only smart handbag a girl needs is a designer handbag.

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@JustAnAce,

The fact that you wrote to this site is evidence of what an emotional burden the assignment is on you. It fits the definition of a "dilemma".
Of course they can't force you to do anything, but the prospect of a bad grade if you do not cooperate makes it fit the definition of a mild form of coercion. Or duress.
Your writing shows that you are very intelligent. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us.

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@Ponderer,

Ponderer wrote:

The fact that you wrote to this site is evidence of what an emotional burden the assignment is on you. It fits the definition of a "dilemma".
Of course they can't force you to do anything, but the prospect of a bad grade if you do not cooperate makes it fit the definition of a mild form of coercion. Or duress.
Your writing shows that you are very intelligent. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us.

My suggest is just write that my sexuality and wishes in a possible mate is a private matter between myself and my 'god' so I can not do the assignment as given but I would be willing to do any other assignment that is not of such a personal nature.

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@JustAnAce,

Something like this.

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@BillRM,

There is the possibilty of a positive response to that approach.

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@JustAnAce,

JustAnAce wrote:

The teachers nice and I don't think she meant it to be invasive, but it's annoying to think this is the way she wants to teach us about Romeo and Juliet.

Talk to her, tell her you feel very uncomfortable with this assignment and ask if there's anything else you could do instead. Many asexual people still have Romantic attachments to others, their relationships don't get physical. Perhaps you could approach the assignment this way, instead of looking at a lover look at the qualities you'd want in someone you were going to share a house with.

Failing that what about offering to do an assignment on how arranged marriages played out in the English court. Shakespeare wrote during the reign of Elizabeth I, and memories of Henry VIII reign were still very strong.

Henry was married to a much older woman, his brother Arthur's widow, and a member of the Spanish Royal family. When he wanted out her family put pressure on the Pope to stop him granting a divorce which is what started the split from the Catholic church.

Btw, Romeo and Juliet is not a poem, it's a play.

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@izzythepush,

Here's an idea, why not focus on the play and offer to write about the only prospective arranged marriage in the play, that between Juliet and the County Paris.

Why would Juliet's father want her to marry him? What qualities does he have? There are lots of online resources out there, but here's something to get you started.

This is a link to the characters in the play.
https://www.sparknotes.com/shakespeare/romeojuliet/characters/

This is the Wikipedia page on Paris.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Count_Paris

I'm quite familiar with this play, so if you have any specific questions feel free to pm me.

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@Ponderer,

Not you're not, you're telling the OP to engage in unnecessary conflict which will severely damage the teacher/pupil relationship. Your advice is lousy and possibly even destructive.

I imagine that what the teacher is trying to do in this case is to get the class to imagine what it would be like to live in a world of arranged marriages where one has little or no say in who they end up with.

I don't think the teacher was trying to make anyone in their class feel uncomfortable, they probably hadn't foreseen a situation the OP has raised on this thread . That's why the OP should say they feel very uncomfortable with this assignment, they don't have to go into specifics.

And to prove they're not just saying it to avoid doing any work they should offer to do something else appropriate to the studied text, which is why I gave a couple of suggestions that most teachers would find acceptable.

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@JustAnAce,

JustAnAce wrote:

I absolutely hate having to do anything personal involving schoolwork. It feels like I have to have certain opinions and beliefs and think about things I never planned on doing.
The teachers nice and I don't think she meant it to be invasive, but it's annoying to think this is the way she wants to teach us about Romeo and Juliet. Its not about world history or cultural studies, it's just a poem where the main chick happens to be in an arranged marriage. I would much rather actually read the poem, which we haven't done yet.

If what you say is true - that the teacher is nice and doesn't mean to be invasive, go talk to her. Tell her you feel uncomfortable with the assignment and feel it is too personal - is there another subject/paper that you could write about instead.

If it is true about her - she may be just trying to come up with a creative way to get the class to write about arranged marriages and their thoughts - she might be trying to use a subject that would peak the interest in the students not thinking well that this subject might just be a little too personal and uncomfortable for some of the students. And if as you say she is nice - it is likely she would be willing to tweak the assignment for you.

I think this is the best overall approach.

If you are not comfortable approaching her on this - then I would like some others say - lie. I don't typically promote lying but in this case, it is more a creative writing assignment any way.

1 Reply

@JustAnAce,

I'm going to be that person.

You live in a country where there are classes that try to legitimize arranged marriages? Whenever you can? Leave that disturbingly backwards country and look for political asylum elsewhere. Never look back.

3 Replies

Hints to my sexuality over homework

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