Boyfriend cheated what do I do?

Forums: Cheating, Ex, Lying, Boyfriend
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Basically, me and my boyfriend had a big argument and he stormed out the house and went out with his friends that night and blocked me on everything so I couldn't contact him, anyway long story short he kissed a girl and then stayed over night at her house and spend all Sunday morning with her whilst telling me he was waiting for a lift to go collect his car, he then came back to mine Sunday night and we slept together and I presumed we were together. Anyway he was still talking to her behind my back and then on the Tuesday he told me in tears his mum had been rushed to hospital again with a suspected brain aneurysm and he had to go see her, I helped him get all his stuff and he drove to the hospital that night he actually took this other girl out for dinner and went back to hers and slept with her before returning home at 2 am saying his mum was in surgery, anyway we were fine and then on Friday I told him that I heard he kissed a girl when he went out he went absolutely mental and left again surprise surprise back to her house to shag her, I then went on his phone and found all this out and got in contact with the girl he said to me that he didn't think me and him were together as he stormed out after the argument but admits neither of us actually ended the relationship. He now wants me back And I have no idea what to do? I love this guy and we have a house and a future planned together we were meant to be getting married and even had baby names picked out I just don't know how I can trust him seen as in the messages with her he lied about so much stuff to impress her? He also admitted he slept with more people than he said he did originally which I'm not bothered about but I just don't get why he's lied I really am devastated and heartbroken and really need some advice.

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@Maddiiix,

He's a liar and a cheat. And he played on your (understandable) sympathies with that cock and bull story about his mother - who I suspect had no idea he was using her as an excuse to go get laid.

Step back and assess this. What would you tell a friend?

You'd probably tell him or her to cut loose as soon as possible, and that hanging around would only make it harder to let go later. You would probably tell your friend that the person who cheated on them was a proven liar who was probably also lying about commitments and marriage and kids, etc. You'd probably shore up your friend and tell him or her that they are attractive and worthwhile and that they deserve better, and that someone will come along and will make them forget all about the lying cheater.

Now look in the mirror and tell yourself that, because you deserve to treat yourself as well as you would treat a friend.

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@Maddiiix,

Yikes! This guy's off the chart!!

Imagine what life would be like if you two got married. Don't even think about having kids with this guy.

Break off all financial ties and pack up his stuff.

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@PUNKEY,

Sounds like such a lame thing to say but he seems genuinely sorry, he told me he's willing to do anything to sort this out, do you not even think it's worth seeing if he changes before getting into anything major again just like me and him to test the water maybe? Or is that my heart thinking and I'm being totally ridiculous lol

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@Maddiiix,

Sure, every pathological liar needs ANOTHER chance.

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@PUNKEY,

Idk I've just been googling loads of **** about guys doing it and regretting it and I just think maybe that's him? I haven't spoken to him properly today I had to block him because of the constant begging but he needs to bring some of my stuff back to me so maybe I could hear him out in person?

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@Maddiiix,

Did you google "narcissist liar"?!

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@PUNKEY,

Haha okay I get your point I'm being stupid 😂

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@PUNKEY,

Let me guess: because you blocked his incessant begging, he will turn to anger and blame you for the entire event.

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@PUNKEY,

No he's actually been okay with it he text me instead of Facebook and asked why I blocked him and when he could drop my stuff off, he's actually been grown up and not showing the crazy ex wants revenge side which is why I'm tempted to hear him out as he normally goes off the rails straight away? Maybe this is a wake up call for him?

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@Maddiiix,

You are minimizing and rationalizing his behavior.

Good luck.

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@Maddiiix,

If you are insistent on letting him back into your life - arrange for counselling - on your own and as a couple. Take your OP to the first counselling sessions.

Whatever else - make 200% sure there is no way you can get pregnant in the next year.

You both have a lot to sort out.

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@Maddiiix,

Maddiiix wrote:

Sounds like such a lame thing to say but he seems genuinely sorry

He also had you believing his mum had just had an aneurism. It sounds like he's very good at seeming like someone else.

This wasn't a one off, it was systematic, and he did it because he knows you'll believe any old bollocks he makes up. Have a word with yourself and knock it on the head.

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@Maddiiix,

You should of stayed with him because firstly; any future relationship is doomed... you'll just assume any future bf is the same, a liar and a cheat and secondly he sounds fit tbf. Ps. Any update on his mum's surgery?

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@Maddiiix,

My advice would be to dump him forthwith. But, the sad reality is, this is probably not the last guy who will do this type of thing to you. I have only known ONE who didn't behave more or less this way. I wouldn't say with TOTAL assurance that even HE didn't fool around once.

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@Medusax,

So what is your advice once hide the sausage champion is dumped? Stay single because every man on earth will cheat on you? or become a lesbian because women don't fool around right? Jesus wept. Did you used to write Jerry Springers final thought??? I mean it's up there fo sho #edge

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@BobJFWC,

Well first..one cannot "become" a lesbian. And no, not a Jerry Springer fan, so never heard a "final thought" or really know what it means. "Stay single because every man on earth will cheat one you". Well..more or less, I mean have a "f*** buddy" if you need to, but don't invest in anyone emotionally, because it isn't worth the inevitable price you'll pay when it ends.

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@Medusax,

Well a man can become a woman (and vice versa) like buying Weetabix at Sainsbury's these days so changing sexuality must be pretty straight forward? And for that reason I have to disagree. Perhaps a little narrow minded and about as ridiculous as claiming every man will be unfaithful.
Jerry was low hanging distraction soup for the masses, USA's version of Jeremy Kyle, another personal favourite of mine.
A **** buddy? That's amazing and fine you've won me over with this gem, wanna be my life coach!?
I get the vibe your advice isn't coming from a completely neutral and impartial place? How's my aim?

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@BobJFWC,

No, I don't want to be anyone's "life" anything. And no, it's not from an "impartial" place, it's from an experienced place. Everyone has to be good at something, I was good at being cheated on. Learned much. Wink

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@Medusax,

I don't believe you should ever let past experience(s) define present or future experience(s). Sure they can be helpful and informative but you can't let them be your "idiots guide to Life". With your outlook you may as well give up now.
May I ask just how many times have you been cheated on by the way? If it's less than a thousand I will be disappointed by your abject misery and even if it is a thousand that's still a relatively small number in comparison to the more than 3.5 billion men on the planet.
Futhermore you're giving advice based on this very small sample size. This is bad mathematically, scientifically and therefore ultimately statistically.
This all just loops back to my first comment on this post but to avoid going around in circles, like a boat with one oar (seemingly your favourite mode of transport) you should really learn from the actions of a fully submerged horse.... They only swim in one direction.... forwards. You need to do the same me thinks.

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Boyfriend cheated what do I do?

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