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He's honest but not honest at the same time

 
 
Reply Tue 19 Sep, 2017 04:46 pm
My boyfriend admitted to me last week that he knows of quite a few times that his friends (our friends) lads, that have cheated on their girlfriends, some of these times have been when my partner has been away on a lads holiday! I was quite upset to think that he won't tell me who it is or when it happened and the fact that he has only just mentioned this now, said holidays were months ago, I feel he's been keeping things from me, he says they are his friends and they have asked him not to say anything to me.

He went to ibiza this weekend on a stag do, I know he's hasn't cheated but I jokingly asked him if there is anything else that happened that he would have to keep a secret from me also, he said I'd rather not know. He said all I need to worry about is that he has been faithful.

We have argued, I can't get my head around the fact he doesn't trust me enough to tell me, I also can't understand why I need to know so much and if I'm in the wrong, I'm now thinking I always used to feel fine about him going away with the lads but now do I need to worry as it seems this happens on a regular basis with his friends and don't they say the more you are around the temptation the more likely it will happen, his friends are clearly getting away with it, so he might think so too one day.

I don't know if I'm over reacting or not, his words were he's just tying to be honest and that he's never gunna tell me. He's being honest to his fiends but not to me. He doesn't agree and says it's nothing to do with me so technaically he's not lying.

I would really appreciate some advice or what other people's thoughts are on this subject please? I now feel I'm far too honest for my own good and should I not tell him everything. Don't want this to turn into a game?
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 19 Sep, 2017 05:26 pm
@Shellywhatnow,
why is he telling you other people's business?

I'd be concerned about that more than anything else.

I guess you could be glad in some ways that he can't keep a secret but really, he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut about other people's business. that's gossiping and it's nasty regardless of who does it.
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Tue 19 Sep, 2017 07:58 pm
What kind if "friends" are these?

Going away for a guy weekend in order to cheat?

This is going to affect your relationship, eventually.
Shellywhatnow
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Sep, 2017 01:53 am
@PUNKEY,
I guess that's not the intention to cheat, they are a big group of friends so it's not like all of them go away to cheat, I just assume that it has happened a few times when he goes away, which if he would tell me about it I would have more of an idea of who's doing what etc, where as now I look at them and think which one of you boys is the cheat?

I just don't understand why he doesn't want to tell me, he's such an honest person in general, I know from the bottom of my heart he hasn't dont anything wrong, however it just makes me feel like he is lying to me, but he sees it as it's not his business so he's not lying and it's best if I don't know the details, do you agree?
0 Replies
 
Shellywhatnow
 
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Reply Wed 20 Sep, 2017 01:56 am
@ehBeth,
Well he hasn't told me anything really, I asked did everyone behave themselves and he said I don't want to know, so the conversation elaborated from there, he said look I am being honest by saying some of them had got up to no good, however he's not going to go into detail, he says would I really want to know that, especially if I know their girlfriend?
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Wed 20 Sep, 2017 05:30 am
@Shellywhatnow,
Why do you need to know all the gorey details about this?
He has told you what's going on and you need to express your trust in him. Period.
Stay out of it!
This is going to blow up very soon and you and your BF should back off and not get involved.
Shellywhatnow
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Sep, 2017 05:42 am
@PUNKEY,
I don't think it will blow up to be honest, the boys clearly have no intention of telling their girlfriends. Very hard for him to not be involved if he was there away with the cheater at the time though don't you think?? Well this is what I'm saying, I don't even know why I want to know, as long as hes not lying to me it shouldn't be a problem, however, I just feel like he's keeping things from me, wanted to know if i was over reacting, obviously I am lol
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Sep, 2017 03:59 pm
@Shellywhatnow,
Maybe you should have asked him, "What an I supposed to do with this information?"
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Wed 20 Sep, 2017 04:40 pm
@Shellywhatnow,
Shellywhatnow wrote:
I asked did everyone behave themselves


next time - skip questions like that

he's not a four year old and you are not his mother
Shellywhatnow
 
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Reply Thu 21 Sep, 2017 04:20 am
@ehBeth,
Brutal.....but so very true, thank you. These sort of questions are so unnecessary, I don't think sometimes.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Sep, 2017 05:55 am
What are the ages if these "lads"?
Shellywhatnow
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Sep, 2017 07:19 am
@PUNKEY,
around 28 to 38 years old.....not that young
0 Replies
 
 

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