He told me that the reason he keeps doing these things is for a distraction because things are bad with us and he feels like I judge him and am never happy with him.
Now this is classic. He blames his actions on you. He ignores his part of the issue and attempts to make you feel guilty by claiming that you are the one running away. He wants you to accept all his faults because, well, you know, he is perfectly fine with accepting yours. (Does he hint at what your terrible faults are that he is so accepting of?)
I have one question. In any of your conversations, while apologizing and telling you how you should accept his faults, has he even hinted at wanting to stop doing what upsets you that he does? I don't see where he is taking any responsibility for his actions or any desire to stop. I get the idea that he simply wants you to accept the fact that he is going to continue to do what he wants.
Bottom line, you have lost trust in him. He either needs to put forth a concerted effort to regain your trust or the marriage is over. Marriages do not survive ongoing trust problems.
As an aside, and I am hesitant to even suggest this, could it be that he has gotten what he wanted from you? You were an older (only 9 years I know, but still older) woman who helped him come to this country and married him, thus allowing him to stay here and he is not really interested in changing for you because in his culture women/wives are treated and viewed quite differently than they are here. Just something else to think about.