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He opened up about his financial problem and wanted to end it. I don't understand, Why?

 
 
ohmyowl
 
Reply Sun 3 Mar, 2019 01:27 pm
He was very committed and would make time and took me out. love had me hanging out at his place (no sex I said I wanted to wait and he respected it) ect, but he's been pulling away... when I confronted him (I had to go to his place and confronted him because he wouldn't pick up the phone) he shared about his sick dad and work issues and he also cried said he didn't feel good enough about his look ect because he thought Im out of his league and has many good things going (his words). We talked and I held him and he would sink in my arms. He seemed better (he admitted he has issue of hiding in his old world when dealing with problem) until lately he had to go back home for his dad n work out of sudden. He didn't call but telling me over text before leavin saying he didn't wanna cry more n not got on plane if calling to tell me that it was sudden. Over text he said he rly appreciated havin me in his life and he rly hoped I would still be around (a few times in that text). He would improve himself and his work ect.

but since hes gone, he been ignoring me again and finally he sent me text saying "everything has just gone down for me with my dad and work . It’s been a bit rough and a shock. I hope you are well. I miss you every day. I know you won’t believe that but I always do. My financial situation is a bit fk now because of work and it’s just been disappointing. So I can’t really be very reliable as a man and can’t even take care of myself at the moment. So I’m sorry I failed and I let you down. Thanks for always being so lovely to me. You’ll always be my *nickname*. I hope everything works out for you because you deserve it x"

Is it a goodbye?

I replied him with encouragement message to show that i didn't think less of him because of this but he ignored.. It is painful because it is not like we had a fight, and I would wanna be there for him in rough times. He is a rly nice guy and we got along rly well.

He is 35 and i am 29 been dating about a month. If it helps.. he had a rough childhood and didn't think highly of himself.

I just don't understand why he would give up like this after telling me he wanted me in his life?
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sun 3 Mar, 2019 01:50 pm
@ohmyowl,
You have a very strange concept of time.

A week ago you had this similar problem, and said you'd been dating about a month. So, all this stuff has happened within about 5 weeks, and all this extra stuff in this post has all occured in the last week?

You make a lot of drama.

You talk as if you two have known each other for a long time, like well more than a year or 2.

You say things like "lately" when you have literally known him a matter of days.

This guys got a dad with cancer, and that trumps anything, or anyone that has been going on for 5 weeks.

To be honest, I cannot believe this is a 29 year old woman going on about this, because you sound like a 15 year old high school girl.

I also don't really believe this 35 year old man, unless he is extremely immature, is saying these things to you. An adult with a father with cancer and work issues etc would have told you straight off to back off with your neediness because guess what, my dad is sick and no, I'm not going to carve out special little times for you when he needs me.

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ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Sun 3 Mar, 2019 02:08 pm
@ohmyowl,
you say you've been dating for about a month

still in the very very very early getting to know each other stage

__

what does this mean to you? what would you do for him to help him out? what have you offered to do?

ohmyowl wrote:
I would wanna be there for him in rough times


__

Quote:
he's been pulling away... when I confronted him (I had to go to his place and confronted him because he wouldn't pick up the phone) he shared about his sick dad and work issues

He didn't call but telling me over text

but since hes gone, he been ignoring me again and finally he sent me text saying "everything has just gone down for me with my dad and work . It’s been a bit rough and a shock.


he is going through a lot. please don't "confront" him. Confrontation is not nice at the very best of times and he is not having a good time in his life.

__

His priority has to be his father/family and his work, not a woman he's been dating for a month.

Let him know you're around to help him/support him if he needs that. Then back off. Let him initiate any further contact.

Move on with your life.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Sun 3 Mar, 2019 02:10 pm
@ohmyowl,
re-read jespah's advice from a week ago

https://able2know.org/topic/498470-1#post-6798142

it is very good advice and you appreciated it then

based on your posts, you seem quite needy and anxious and that is not helpful to him at this time

again - re-read jespah's advice

print it out and keep it nearby to review
0 Replies
 
Sturgis
 
  2  
Reply Sun 3 Mar, 2019 03:16 pm
@ohmyowl,
Chai2 was not being rude, she was placing the facts, just the facts, out on a table in front of you. This way you can look at them and realize, you are not the current priority of the guy you want. Give him room to breathe!
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sun 3 Mar, 2019 03:57 pm
@ohmyowl,
you might want to consider your own advice in regard to your approach to the guy

ohmyowl wrote:
Have some filter maybe?


give him space to breathe and deal with what is important

chai2 wasn't rude. perhaps a bit blunt - but it seems that last week''s slightly more delicate responses to you didn't really register
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sun 3 Mar, 2019 05:29 pm
@Sturgis,
Thanks Sturgis and ehBeth.

However, at this point when someone calls me out because their feelings were hurt and call it rude, I just consider the source.

In this case, if all this is true, someone who can’t distinguish between cuddle time and cancer.
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Mon 4 Mar, 2019 02:14 am
@chai2,
Some people just can't handle criticism.
0 Replies
 
 

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