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He shuts me out when he is stressed.. Idk what to do. I don't understand.

 
 
ohmyowl
 
Reply Sat 23 Feb, 2019 11:53 pm
We've been dating for about 1 month and we got along rly well. I'm 29 and he is 35. We used to chat all night or endless phone calls til the morning. He has been a lovely person and always would make time to meet me. He had made it clear he liked me and he doesn't date around. He loved to have me hanging out at his place (no sex btw I told him I wanted to wait and he accepted it). He said he felt comfortable with me and shared about his rough childhood in his fam with me. He would at times told me he wanted to spent time with me but didn't want to come off as desperate so I know he isn't very confident but he has good values and morals. BUT....things started to get shaky when he tuned down on his texting lately. 2 weeks ago he was not texting me about 4 days and I confronted him about it. He told me he is stressed about work back home and just found out lately his dad got cancer. He works on his laptop and have team back home running things so he might have to go back and fix them soon. He admitted and started crying that he felt he wasn't good enough for me because of his look and life. He would say to me that I'm perfect and he didn't know how he managed to have me around. He felt he is a mess and I deserved better. I know he has a rough childhood and isn't very confident about himself. I ensured him I would be there for him but he felt bad to bother others with his problem and admitted he has this issues of weird behaviour of going into his own world when there is problems in his life just because he always fixes it on his own.. he said he wouldn't do this to me again but he did.

I could tell he has his worries in the back of his mind but I can't understand why he wants he go tru that alone!? We had a plan to meet later as I had to fly for work On V-day. He planned out our brunch the next day and the dinner date for before I had to fly off altho his texting and response had not been at the same speed as before, and I jokingly called him out once.

The day when we supposed to meet he texted me a long message at 2 PM that he had to leave town and fly back to his city and he's devastated, sad and feel horrible. He apologised for this sudden change and for not calling me up to say good bye as he didn't want to cry more and not get on that plane.. He left a gift, a Pandora and chocolate, for me at his place. He said he hoped I would be around but if I didn;t want to, he would understand but got sad. He said he didn't want to lose me and he would work hard on being a better on his issues, not getting things wrong, improving his look and work and he didn't want to lose me. He said would text when he got there. HE didn't.

I texted him back a long message comforting him but also mentioned I deserved a better good bye by call not text. I told him he made me feel sad and unimportant by that and I miss him dearly. He didn't read my message I sent a Voice Message before flying on V-day thats 2 days after he left and he finally texted back saying its not great there with work and his dad. He sorried for everything he wanted to get me more gift but he didn;t have time and thanked for my support it touched his heart. he sorried hes ****.

I only sent him vdo n pics of the me opening gifts n he said he hoped I love them. I didn't text him back since because he had seemed to be not as responsive I thought I would give him space.. Also, the fact that he didn't even let me know he had landed safely. I felt shut out and unimportant. He hasn't texted me more as well. I miss him everyday and care about what he is goin tru, but I can't just allow him to shut me out if we are going to set this off it should be with the right process and ways.

Idk whats going on with his mind but I can tell the guy is not at peace. It has been 9 days we havn't talked. Why didn't he try texting me if he doesn't want to lose me? What should I text or do? :/
 
chai2
 
  4  
Reply Sun 24 Feb, 2019 01:13 am
The first 7 words of your post pretty much says it all.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Sun 24 Feb, 2019 07:29 am
Yep. This is not a serious relationship at this point in time.

But he is going through serious issues right now. You are not that close to him, no matter how much you want to be or you feel you are. All that matters right now is he doesn't see you as close enough to be someone who he can really open up to.

Step back and let him deal with what he needs to deal with. And don't sit around by the telephone waiting. Go out with other people, and yes, that means other men. You don't owe him a wait and he has no right to request or expect one.

If things work out later and he is in a position to date and you are not committed to someone else, then feel free to date again.

But I wouldn't hold my breath about that.
ohmyowl
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Mar, 2019 01:23 pm
@jespah,
thank you x
0 Replies
 
 

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