When should you keep your mouth shut?

microbiologistgal wrote:

The mutual friends are my best girlfriends so I trust them, but, I don't know. I think perhaps I'll tell him, but I will miss his friendship. I'll let you all know Thursday, and after my doc's appointment Saturday. Thanks

I have done the friends with benifits thing before Micro - I think that friendship was doomed to end the second you crossed the line to sex. It just changes the relationship so much that it is the odd one that can survive it.

That is just my experience.

TTF

p.s. I am so proud that I stayed on topic. Wink

Firsts for everything.

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Bravo on the staying on topic. :-)

I'll add quickly that the point of real friends with benefits situations is that they aren't Relationships With A Future. They're just friends with benefits. If both people are truly on-board about it being no strings and no particular future, it can work fine. The problem is when one of them (if it's both it's usually not as much of a problem) has real feelings for the other.

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Well put - exactly what I was trying to say.

If he had a future as a friend you would not have had sex with him - if he had a future a lover - you would not be saying that he didn't.

He is in this position because of his expendibility to a certain degree.

I know that sounds harsh - but I think it is the reality.

I care about you enough to have sex with you - but not enough to commit to a friendship (thus not mucking it up with sex) or enough for a relationship (thus not committing to that). I just want to have sex with you out of convienience.

As a girl - friend of mine called it - he is a living dildo.

Jason

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thethinkfactory wrote:

BoGoWo wrote:

[a microscopic dead fetus is vastly preferable to a wretched human tragedy]

This is where I wonder. To be or not to be. Camus said it is the ONLY philosophical question.

I wonder if this is true. I have no answers - and I think were I to disagree with BoGoWo my statement would be as valid as his. I think that if you were to frame an existence with inconvieniences as wretched - you have already placed a value on it. Stoics would say you are not in control of that portion of your existence - only your thoughts and desires surrounding your existence................TTF

if we are to give due consideration to the as yet only 'potential' being represented by a very real, and vigorously multiplying cellular structure, about to produce it, we must consider the 'quality' of that beiong's life, not only its occurrence, in spite of all odds!

[a life is precious, only if it is worth living!]

and to later comments about the mothers 'duties', moral or otherwise;
the mother must be responsible to herself; her child is a part of that self, even though seperate itteration it may be, it is her. And if she honestly, emotionally, and logically is not ready, able, or willing to split herself, at this point in her life, into twin deprndencies for which she will remain 'responsible', it is better to remain as one, until the time that she can make that choice - it is HERS!

[it is a short distance from a 'cancer' to a 'miracle']

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microbiologistgal

I am 21 and not in the best financial situation, I was lucky enough to have a say and to even know that my Girlfriend was pregnant. We dicussed it and even though we did want to abort the child for obvious reasons, in the end we decided not to. Despite difficult times, I think that depriving him of knowing what is happeneing is a terrible thing to do.

Maybe you are ultimately gonna decide to abort the baby but he needs to know, and if he objects then let him, because in the end you will ultimately decide if you are or not.

"The end doesnt justify the means" Ive hoped you would have learned that from your experience with him and so too I think you need to put yourself in the position he is in, even if his ego is centered on himself, the baby is half of him and half of you.

My son is now 4 and a half months old, I love him so much, and it took alot of self sacrifice both on my part and his mother. I'll never look at abortion the same and I would never known this love for offspring if I had chosen to had the baby aborted. I sacrificed alot and until now I couldnt understand that intelligible goods arent always convenient and easy but what doesnt kill you makes you better and stronger. Just consider if the decision your making is motivated by pleasurable or intelligble goods. I hope the best of luck on whatever decision you make.

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crazydragon, I am happy for you and your girlfriend. Things are a little different, but it is interesting to get some first hand male perspective on being told. I truly appreciate it.

Bogo that is an interesting theory, whom are you quoting?

Unfortunately, whether or not a child in part of the mother's "self" is up for debate. many argue that it is simply an appendage, no more a part of the woman's physical structure than if someone were hooked up to your organs or living in your body cavity. Other's take your side.

I appreciate both of your opinions, but please, we are trying very hard not to turn this into an abortion topic. Even TTF is being good. Smile

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micro,

Just wanted to wish you luck tomorrow night. I truely hope everything goes well for you. Either way, just remember.......this is but another stepping stone in your life. It will be conquered and time will push forward to help you mend whatever needs mended.

Will be watching to see how it goes for you. I hope you will post to let us know. Smile

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microbiologistgal wrote:

Even TTF is being good.

Yea!!!

I AM being good.

Micro - did my thoughts on the fathers relationship sound right - or is there more involved to complicate the issue?

TTF