Breaking Wind With Your Spouse

This is an extremely educational thread. I can't wait to have a live-in girlfriend so I can not only pass gas in front of her, but take a steamy, grunting dump while she's putting on her makeup.

I never would have farted around an SO before Bear. Long term relationships, even those longer than 2 years, did not involve farting around each other. If by accident, it was "excuse me" and no further dwelling.

But NOOOOO! Bear has to make it into a huge event. Celebrations ensue if he rocks the house or causes the dog to run to the front door.

Squinney- Wait a few years. Then the celebrations will turn into block parties. Whatever the level of flatulence that Bear exhibits will incease exponentially with age!

Oh god...this could get bad.

I am glad I live in a diffrent state from bear..
Mr wolf is that kind too.
he sneaks up on me, will hug me and get all cuddly.. lovey dovey... then squeeze me so I cant get away and
BOOM... Laughing the whole way.

He did that with bean in his lap one time.
She was about 8 mos..
He had her on his leg and was giggling uncontrolably.
I asked him what was wrong and he said " I have to fart, and it wont be silent.." I thought this strange since he usually doesnt care.. So i told him " So what?"
And he did..
Beans hands went into the air, her eyes got HUGE, and she screamed... and cried.. Scared the CRAP outta her.
He laughed so hard he almost lost her..

http://www.fartfarm.com/bakedbean.wav

haha, Gawd help me, this is one funny thread!! I never usually make it into this room, but I'm glad I did! Good one!

I won't even start with my habits. Lest it be said that I have some "intestinal problems".

On Abuzz, this was Moondoggie's topic. His thread was a classic.

I"ve heard so many stories about my husband entertaining his children when they were young with the "frog under the furniture" routine. He'd let one of his rattling farts go free and they would crawl around the room, laughing and looking for the frog.

Yep, moondoggie was the reining fart king. What a legacy!

My ex used to be known as Foul Bowel by her workmates. I didn't mind until she set me up in a supermarket once. I was busy scanning the shelves and suddenly she scurried away from me. I looked around somewhat nonplussed and wondered why the woman who just arrived at the same section as me started glaring at me. A few seconds later I knew why I was being glared at...and why my ex had left in a hurry. Her calling card was evident. I was v. embarrassed but when I found the ex in another aisle I couldn't castigate her, she was laughing so hard she couldn't get her breath.

It's a natural bodily function...it would be very weird to me to not be able to or not have a spouse be able to fart in front of each other.

Not the paint peeling, pizza smelling ones like my ex used to blow with all of his fun games with the kids like "pull my finger, pull my finger" or "who's gonna cut the cheese?" or even "honey, put your head under the covers" comments, but when you gotta toot, you gotta toot!

Kickycan-I hate things like having to share the en suite bathroom with a partner, new or old.If farting is a no no then try to imagine holding in abig dump just to keep that air of mystery about you.
Ive never on purposely broken wind infront of anyone, Id prefer to make many many many many trips to a safe place than do that.

I agree, if you cant break wind infront of your spouse then your tummy is in for a rough ride, and your anal muscles will improove.

Please can someone explain to me how you do silent farts??!!

It takes me years with someone to be comfortable enough to fart around them.


material girl
The silents ones need practice and they could back fire at any time ;-)

Hahahaha, mine always back fire!!!

My oldest sister was a biology teacher and is now in Resp. Therapy. When we were growing up, she was the one that taught me about womanhood, birds and bees details, all the biology stuff. I would be blushing and she would say "It's a natural biological function."

Evidently, it rubbed off, cause now when I'm talking to my own kids about body stuff I say "It's a nat..." and they join in to finish it with me as they roll their eyes.

However, they know that Daddy's bowel biology is NOT natural and as a matter of fact has no resemblance whatsoever to anything natural, found in nature, or otherwise having to do with the human body.

It gets worse with age??? OMG!

Please dont say it gets worse with age!!!
Im already at the point were I fear being around people because I may need to ....ahem....well...you know....Im only young...heeeeelp meeeee...

Perhaps you are lactose intolerant? If I eat too much dairy (even with the lactaid pills) I am unbearable. My husband, a man, almost dies.

Oooh,arnt you clever.I am indeed lactose intolerent!!

Have to admit Ive been taking a chance with chocolate over the weekend, luckily or unluckily i can eat a bar without it hurting me but then 'other things' happen.
Also dairy appears in other products, it just seems like Id have to miss out on my favourites for the rest of my life which as Im sure your aware, isnt appealing.
What are these lactoid pills?

I don't know if they have these in the UK but maybe you can have them shipped over. Or there is an equivalent there.....??

Lactaid