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Fun things to do with an erect penis.

 
 
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 01:38 am
I woke up with a boner this morning and since Gertude is out of town I wasn't quite sure what to do with the damn thing. I could tell it was going to hang around for awhile so I figured I'd put it to use. Here's a few ideas I came up with...

First, I took an old wooden tv tray, the kind you use for breakfast in bed, and placed a checker board on it. Then I positioned the board between myself and the erect penis. See where I'm going with this? Me and the penis are playing checkers! I wanted to make him look more like an opponent so I painted some eyes on him and fashioned a crude sombrero out of cardboard and placed it on his head. He almost passed as a swarthy little Mexican dude, staring across the board at me, waiting for me to make my move. We played for awhile and I beat him three games out of four.

Next was our deep sea adventure. I took an old fish aquarium I had and painted some fish on the side. I also threw in a few octopi, just for flair. Then I dressed the erect penis as a deep-sea diver, and by turning the tank upside down and moving it back and forth, I created the illusion of a deep sea diver investigating the mysteries of the oceans floor.

Eventually the excitement became too much for the poor erect penis, and it curled down to take a nap.

I'm already formulating plans for the next erect penis adventures.

Ideas?

Please share.

Gustav
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Type: Discussion • Score: 5 • Views: 98,645 • Replies: 195

 
Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 01:44 am
I need to talk to my therapist right now. I expect that after relating this 'anecdote' I will require some sort of strong medication. And lots of stronger liquor.
0 Replies
 
Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 02:24 am
I like to don yellow tights, glue large feathers onto my rear, paint eyes onto my "Percy", attach a beak on the end and fool people into thinking that I'm riding on the back of an Ostrich.
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Lady J
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 03:25 am
Oh dear! Shocked
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material girl
 
  3  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 04:12 am
Im glad it didnt go to waste and was able to entertain you.
I tried playing poker with my tits once but it didnt really work out.
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Lord Ellpus
 
  2  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 04:19 am
material girl wrote:
Im glad it didnt go to waste and was able to entertain you.
I tried playing poker with my tits once but it didnt really work out.

As long as you didnt have "three of a kind" my Dear.
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Grand Duke
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 04:27 am
One of the funniest things to do with one is an old favourite - having a piss:

(1) Stand about 6 feet back from the toilet
(2) Release the valve
(3) Shuffle backwards and forwards until the stream is landing in the toilet
(4) As pressure falls, shuffle forwards to maintain the flow of urine into the bowl
(5) Estimate how much urine went in the toilet - the more, the merrier!
0 Replies
 
urs53
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 04:29 am
Grand Duke, I do hope you clean your toilet yourself!!!
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Grand Duke
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 05:56 am
urs53 - I usually practice in (empty) public lavatories before attempting it at home... And yes, I do clean my own toilet after playing such games!
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roger
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 08:31 am
I work with a Golfer. She says they would probably make great golf tees.

God, I hate mondays
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 08:43 am
Paint a condom black, and put it on, along with a black studded cock ring. Two little holes for the eyes, and attach a leash to the fella. Hit the town, "walking your Mr. Slave." Beat Mr. Slave when he doesn't do what's told.
0 Replies
 
husker
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 08:49 am
Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:
Paint a condom black, and put it on, along with a black studded cock ring. Two little holes for the eyes, and attach a leash to the fella. Hit the town, "walking your Mr. Slave." Beat Mr. Slave when he doesn't do what's told.


slappy - rumor has it Gus alrady had everything but the leash to do this
0 Replies
 
material girl
 
  2  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 09:15 am
Invite another guy friend to your place with a boner,each put on glow in the dark condoms, switch the light off and have a lightsaber fight like in Star Wars.
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Eva
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 10:06 am
Lord Ellpus wrote:
I like to don yellow tights, glue large feathers onto my rear, paint eyes onto my "Percy", attach a beak on the end and fool people into thinking that I'm riding on the back of an Ostrich.


A Hearty Welcome to A2K, Lord Ellpus!

I'm here to award you your prize for Favorite New Poster.

<smooch>
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 02:02 pm
Lol - I do not have one of my own, but I do enjoy making wry little puppets out of other people's.
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FreeDuck
 
  2  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 02:39 pm
Sometimes I use mine to stir cookie dough.

Ok, I lied, I don't have one, but my husband does. He likes to yell, "who wants to lick the spoon?"
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 02:55 pm
Freeduck's idea to use it to stir cookie dough was a damn good one, but I've expanded on it. Here's what you do...

Make a sheet of dough. Now, crawl onto the counter with the erect penis and start doing pushups, moving around the counter as you do so. Next cut circles around the penetrated spots and you have yourself a nice batch of doughnuts.

I just tried it and it works perfectly.

(The mail lady was a little disturbed by the sight when she was getting ready to knock on my door and saw me on the counter. She dropped her bag of mail and ran screaming down the driveway, but who cares?)
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 03:06 pm
Oh my! It's a competition between Lord Ellpus and Gus!

Are you looking for a smooch too, you old capybara farmer you?
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  2  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 03:10 pm
In my present condition you're going to have to lean to the side to smooch me, Eva, otherwise you might get cookie dough on your clothing.
0 Replies
 
Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Mar, 2005 04:08 pm
I also like to use it as a disk chucker .
When there is a shortage of Pheasant on the estate, place a terracotta disk onto the end of the Todger in question, load the twelve bore, and flex.
If the enormity has enough tensile strength, the disk can be sprung into the air for enough time to get in a good shot.
Safety Note:- Always point the Rifle AWAY from the Todger.
0 Replies
 
 

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