Threatened with divorce once again- am I crazy?

Oh and to answer another question, she won't see a couseler becuase she feels like I'm the one with the problem and our marriage would be "fine" if I just do what she says, not becuase she has an aversion to them in general. Its her terms, her conditions period, or divorce. I have suggested dozens of solutions, and she is not interested.

I've written a Q&A column that column wrestles with the complaint, "We Don't Spend Enough Time with Each Other." Neglect not only withdraws love units, but it turns out to be the single most important reason that women divorce men, and they divorce men twice as often as men divorce women.

Men, if you want to keep your wife around, listen up. The article "Why Women Leave Men" gets right to the core of the issue, and hopefully after reading it, you will avoid the pain expressed by so many men who now understand the issue, but find that it's too late for them.

If you have not been in the habit of spending 15 hours a week for undivided attention, it will mean that something else that takes 15 hours will have to go. But you have about 110 total waking hours each week that is spent doing something, and if you schedule your time productively, you will find that the 15 hours you lose will have been spent on your least important goals. And you will put in its place 15 hours for your most important goal. Think of it -- your highest priority will take the place of your lowest priority. It will radically change your life for the better, because in exchange for something that really isn't that important to you, you will be investing in the single most important factor in your life -- your relationship with your spouse.

Life goes on with only minor glitches until now. My hobby de jure is playing poker. I would never dare to leave for an afternoon to play a live game, but I have taken to sitting on the couch next to my wife and playing online. I am quite good at it- 2 years ago I put in 50$ to my online poker account and it is now at about 6K

At some point my wife decided that she didn't like me playing poker because it was taking time away from us. Many a night I would come home from a long days work just wanting to sit down with my wife, relax and play a game of poker only to have my wife say "no poker tonight." Again 99% of the time I would comply, and this is about the 1% that I said dammnit, I'll play if I want to.

In an abundance of fairness, I probably play too much poker. I play I would say, on average, two hours a night. . . .

A few nights ago, she said "no more poker." I said OK, I'll shut it down for the night. She said "no, I mean no more poker, ever. You are going to stop playing for a long time until I decide that you have shown me that you can control your playing, and then I will let you play in moderation."

She said I had chosen poker over my marriage and unless I agreed to stop completely and only play when she decided it was OK, we were getting divorced.

So far I have offered to...
1) quit playing poker for 6 months and then work out a compromise as to when I can play. OR

2) Give up poker perminatly, if she agrees to go with me to marriage counseling and establish boundaries for the way we fight, and the demands we are allowed to make on one and other.

As per 1) she says its her terms or divorce, no compromise becuase "I had my chance to compromise early on and now I've lost that chance"

As per 2) she refuses- she says I am the one with the problem and am choosing poker over her, and she doesn't need couseling, I just need to do what she says.

I realize that playing too much may be neglectfull given I work a 70-80 hour/week job, but we go to the theater and the ballet and movies and rockets games, out with our friends and all that stuff at least two nights a week.

1) I mentioned "let" my wife do anything she wants- for the record- I have never told my wife she can't do something, she has never asked permission, and she does what she wants when she wants to. Thats fine by me, I would like the same courtesy. Am I a "dominant personality" I don't know, maybe, but only in the sense that I can't stand my wife trying to control my every move.

2) 70 work, about two hours a day on weekdays. That leaves WEEKENDS for all the other things we do together, which are typically poker free. I do everything I can to try not to work on days that start with S.

3) Again, why shouldn't we be able to compromise? Why do I just have to let her, once again, DICTATE to me how I'm going spend every moment of my time? I'm willing to give up poker all together if we can work on the underlting issues.

The number of hours you schedule to be together each week for undivided attention should reflect the quality of your marriage. If your marriage is satisfying to you and your spouse, schedule fifteen hours each week to be together. But if you suffer marital dissatisfaction, plan more time until marital satisfaction is achieved.

How much time do you need to sustain the feeling of love for each other? Believe it or not, there really is an answer to this question, and it depends on the health of a marriage. If a couple is deeply in love with each other and find that their marital needs are being met, I have found that about fifteen hours each week of undivided attention is usually enough to sustain their love. When a marriage is this healthy, either it's a new marriage or the couple has already been spending that amount of time with each other throughout their marriage. Without fifteen hours of undivided attention each week, a couple simply can't do what it takes to sustain their feeling of love for each other.

When I apply the fifteen-hour principle to marriages, I usually recommend that the time be evenly distributed throughout the week, two to three hours each day. When time must be bunched up -- all hours only on the weekend -- good results are not as predictable. Spouses need to be emotionally reconnected almost on a daily basis to meet each other's most important emotional needs. . . .

Your time together is too important to the security of your marriage to neglect. It's more important than time spent doing anything else during the week, including time with your children and your job. Remember that the time you should set aside is only equivalent to a part-time job. It isn't time you don't have; it's time you will use for something less important, if you don't use it for each other.