Threatened with divorce once again- am I crazy?

Mit2727:

I recommend that you read the articles on the marriage builder's website:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

Most women desire affection, attention, conversation, and companionship. Women don't get married so they can sit on the couch every night feeling alone and neglected while their husbands are glued to the television or a computer screen.

Women seek divorces far more often than men do. Most women will seek a divorce or separation when their most important emotional needs are NOT being met.

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Sozobe--

You recommended that I offer to give up poker temporarily. I have- I have offered to give up poker for six months and then agree on how much I should play AND I have offered to give up poker COMPLETELY if she goes to counciling with me to work out our issues. She has rejected both offers, what else can I do other than submit to her will one more time. Debra- should I have to chose between my wife and divorce every time we dissagree, doesn't that meen she can make me do whatever she wants all the time? I thought I made it clear that this is not the first time she has made these ultimatums and it won't be the last- that's why I think we need counseling, there is a better way of getting waht we want out of each other than threatening divorce and kicking me out of my own house every time she wants me to do something I don't want to do. Is it so stubborn of me to insist on this????

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Mit2727--

Given your wife's arbitrary irrationality, why do you choose to remain married to her?

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I think you're being overly dramatic.

I doubt that your wife threatens you with divorce every time you disagree with her.

It would be nice if your wife sat down with you and explained her feelings. It would be nice if your wife told you how neglected she felt every night when you were glued for several hours to your poker games. It would be nice if your wife told you that she did not feel that her needs are not being met. But, I think she has made her feelings well known to you over a long period of time and you ignored those feelings.

I doubt that the choice she gave you simply came out of the blue.

She wants to spend time with you. She wants to share companionship and conversation with you. She wants your attention. She loves you. She wouldn't want those things if she didn't love you. She didn't get married to you so she could spend her evenings alone on the couch. If you are unable or unwilling to fullfill those essential needs that a woman expects to have fullfilled when she marries, then you should not be surprised when she says she wants a divorce.

But, you don't approve of threatening divorce. So, I guess you're at an impasse. Divorce is inevitable . . . unless . . . .

Well, maybe you still ought to take the time to review the marriage builder's website:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

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mit2727 wrote:

Ticomaya,

Thanks for the last post and please don't take this the wrong way, but can any marriage survive with an imbalence of power or ultimatums and threats of divorce over any issue? Did yours?

Can't answer about the long term. I'm still married though. Our latest "big fight" was last July. I've decided we fight about soccer way too much, and soccer is just not that important to me to be fighting about all the time. So, I refuse to fight about it.

My ego and pride has been bruised in the process of my giving in to her on this issue, but I don't doubt for a second that I am a better person as a consequence. I'd like to think I'm never in the wrong, and that my wife was being irrational, but that would be my ego talking. I'd certainly not be considering things from her perspective. As I said, this really boils down to your making a choice.

If you choose your wife over poker, I recommend you give in to her wishes in regard to not playing poker. Do not place conditions upon this. But I also recommend that you get that counseling so you guys can talk about communication, and boundaries. I suspect she will agree to doing this, but not if you are going to force her to go as a condition of your abiding by her wishes. I think Debra is right ... your wife's emotional needs aren't being met. Your seeing that and giving up poker will go a long way toward showing her you understand those needs, and are willing to meet them.

Frank: Not sure I qualify as a "mouse" in any other discussion, except where my wife is concerned. :wink:

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AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! I would go INSANE if this were my life! Who died and made her king?

The problem here is definetly hers but you are making it worse by giving in to her tantrums. She is being a child and you are reinforcing her behavoir. Tell her that you will NOT give up poker. You WILL limit your poker time and negotiate an acceptable schedule. Once a month is surely not an unacceptable amount. Even twice a month, if time allows you to spend enough time with her. This sounds like a security issue.

You need to get thee to a counselor or you will be divorced. Your wife has bigger issues than control, IMO.

If you give up all your "me" time, you might as well say goodbye to you. Why did she marry you if what she really wanted was a dog?