Do you believe in premarital sex?

I suspect everyone here does the deed. And we're not all married!

I truly do not understand the problem some people have with sex, especially in this country. Virginity is highly overrated. I do believe in "safe" sex and preventing unwanted pregnancy. Actually, I think it's marriage I don't believe in. I think it's a ancient idea that has lost it's purpose. I do believe in a committed, long term relationship if two people decide to have children. A household with 2 parents is the best situation in which to raise a child.

I think young people who have the most life experience (including sexual) have a better chance of settling down for the long term when they meet the right person. I've been with the same man for 13 years (after a wild, happy youth)- we are not married and of the 5 weddings we have attended together only two are still together.

I think it depends on the situation. If you are 14 and having sex with your 16 year old boyfriend, I can't condone that. Neither party is ready to deal with the emotional and possible physical effects of sex. If you are an adult I don't see a big problem with it. I think it depends on the people involved and the maturity level.

I think God invented sex as a beautiful expression. HE also made it extremely pleasurable. If sex was just for procreation, it would not feel so good, IMO.

Green Witch was right on in saying safe sex is an absolute necessity. I know the Catholic church doesn't believe in contraception. I think that is a far more dangerous idea than pre-marital sex. Can you imagine every married couple not practicing safe sex (condoms, getting fixed, the pill)? There would be 8 kids to every household! And our country can't handle that many people with that many kids!!

It happens!

I agree Bella, a 14 year old girl and a 16 year old boy are still emotionally children and tend to be bad decision makers. Sex is for grown-ups.

I first thought, this was a religious question (re 'believe in premartial sex'), and would have answered it clearly with 'no'.

Obviously, Europe differs a lot here as well, when I look at the responses - as msolga already wrote: it happens ... usually.

I was raised to believe that it was wrong and putting all religious inclinations aside, I would say that abstinence is a very good thing and let me tell you why.

First, let's talk about STDs. If everyone adopted the attitude that there was no sex until marriage, what do you think would happen to the STD rate? Granted, STDs are passed around through prostitution and illicit sexual behavior or sexual deviancy, but this goes back to a grass roots effort to instill in children that sex should be reserved for your life mate. If we had the belief of one partner, one time, for life, and no sex outside of wedlock, it would solve a number of issues, including, I suspect, a very significant drop in the STD rate, as well as teenage pregnancies and an over-burdened social system.

The other issue is compatibility. Everyone cries about sexual incompatibility if they can't "test drive" their potential mate. Well, if the playing field is level (neither partner having had previous sexual experience), then BOTH are able to discover each other in the most wonderful way. They can learn together and I think that frustration levels would be diminished. My wife and I were both virgins when we got married. Now, some of you know my current circumstances and how frustrated I am in my marriage AND it even relates to sex, but not for compatibility issues. Anyway, moving right along....

I know in a perfect world we wouldn't have arguments, incompatibilities, frustrations, differing sexual clocks, etc., and the truth is we have to live in the here and now. We have all of these things and they have a very real impact upon our lives and our relationships. My marriage is a huge **** sandwich right now and I'm not only having to take a bite, I'm having to eat the entire sandwich with nothing to drink to wash it down. I haven't run from it though. I have faced it head-on and am trying to work it out (but that's another story.....if you want to know the details, go see the "Emotional Bankruptcy" thread). Many people think that they just can't live without sex. Truth is, you CAN live without it but it isn't easy. It won't kill you if you don't do the wild thing three times a week or once a month or whatever frequency you feel you need it. It WILL cause significant problems for you in a relationship if it's lacking (trust me on this one) but it won't kill you. How does this relate to the topic of the thread? Well, I'm still working on that....hehehehe Seriously though, I think communication is an integral role in the success of a relationship and communication about sex is also necessary. It doesn't mean you have to have sex, it just means it's something that should be discussed prior to marriage if one adopts the "no sex until honeymoon night" mindset. That's what I'm getting at.

I know that someone will throw it in my face that marriage is over-rated and you don't need to be married to have a successful and fulfilling relationship. Yes, that's very true. I guess I'm a bit old-school on that. Marriage, to me, is a public acknowledgement of my commitment to my mate, for better or for worse, until death do us part. I have had to rethink that a bit because of my own circumstances but I still believe strongly in the institution of marriage. I have stuck by my wife through hell and high water and have found that I, like everyone else, have a breaking point and I'm at that point. I think over the years that society has changed very, very much concerning marriage. I think the new philosophy tends to be "for better UNTIL worse" instead of "for better OR for worse." That is indeed sad and cheapens the bond of marriage but it's not something that is going to be easy to change. Nor do I think society, as a whole, wants to change it. In our fast food, easy applicator, self-centered society, it's much easier to be in a relationship WITHOUT being married because when things start to suck, either one can just walk away because the commitment of marriage and the hammer of the law is not hanging over their head. If I'm single, I can just take my stuff and leave and move on to the next relationship. In marriage, it's much more complicated.

Gawd, I could go on for hours writing about this but I had better stop. I'm sure I've already got three death threats waiting for me in my private messages.

In summary, marriage is a wonderful institution, abstinence is a great way to live until married, and a marriage with great communication usually leads to great sex and you don't need to have sex before marriage to benefit from it afterwards. Things can happen and marriages DO end for any number of reasons but don't run away from conflict in marriage, or outside of it, just because it's uncomfortable. That doesn't say much for your character. It matters not how many times you fall; it matters only that you get up one time more than you fall. My .02 cents (not adjusted for inflation...your mileage may vary).

Good day!

Mikey

I would say : it happens... more than usually!

First, we need a working definition of "pre-marital sex". Are we speaking of committed couples who have sex before marriage? Are we discussing dating couples who are not contemplating marriage? Or are we discussing recreational sex? Or all? I think that the answers that would be written would be quite different when we separate out each category.

I think that the term, "non-marital" sex would be much more inclusive.

Isn't "pre-marital sex" a fixed term?

You don't have my answer on your poll.

Yes, it's okay for me.

No, it's not okay for my children.

And, PLEASE don't make me think about my parents doing it pre OR post marriage!!!

Premarital DOES mean,

"Taking place or existing before marriage."

But for the sake of this discussion, I think that we need to differientiate between engaged couples, dating couples, and one night stands. My answers for all three would be quite different.

In college, not one of my friends suffered an STD. I've never had one. We all had premarital sex. Education is the key here. Teaching abstinence is great...but what happens when kids do have sex? They don't understand how to protect themselves and things go from bad to worse.



I don't think that pre-marital sex has much, if anything to do with compatibility. I think a lot of people use it as an excuse to "justify" their actions. Besides, if you have a sexual chemistry with someone and fall in love, generally, the sex is great. But that is just my experience.

Also,
I think that children who are raised properly by their parents will know when it is the "right time" and won't be having random sex at age 14. I waited until I was in love and it didn't feel wrong. I didn't do it because everyone else was. I didn't do it because my boyfriend wanted me to. My parents taught me to respect myself. I was not injured (emotionally or physically) by any of my pre-marital sexual relations. Maybe I was lucky but I don't think so. I think it all comes down to education!

Squinney- Every time that you look in the mirror, you are faced with that fact, like it or not!

Yes, in retrospect, non-marital sex would be much more workable for this topic, since barely anyone now believes in sex only after marriage. Most people feel that it is fine to have sex with someone whom they are sure they will be married to.

So, do you believe in one-night stands, or having sex with people whom yo are not sure of marrying? Do you feel that sex should be sacred and reserved for that special someone or do you have no qualms in experimenting with different partners?


What's the deal about parents being able to do all wrong they like but not letting their children do so? I wouldn't expect my children to do anything that I myself cannot accomplish.

Re: Do you believe in premarital sex?
Disregard this. I double-posted accidentally.

If I didn't believe in pre-marital sex, I'd be a 28 year-old virgin, which can only be a bad thing, IMHO. I get little enough as it is, without having to wait until I was married!

There's nothing wrong with sex before marriage....one night stands, girlfriend/boyfriend sex, ect. It's sex. It's putting your penis in a vagina, I don't see what's so "sacred" about that.

For people who believe pre-marital sex, what if I don't believe in marriage, or want to get married...does this mean I should go through life a virgin?