signs on the bathroom wall:
Men, we aim to please; you aim, too, please.
Please do not throw cigarette butts in commode; it makes them soggy and hard to light.
Sorry, ladies. Couldn't think of one ribald thing.
There is a train song that you might like:
Passengers will please refrain from flushing toilets while the train is standing in the station, I love you.
<My favorite from art school.>
THIS IS THE MEN'S RESTROOM.
Smile for the camera.
While you are reading this, you are peeing on your shoes.
BOB TILLMAN WUZ HERRE!!1?!
ROTFLMFAO...OMG, ya'll made me SNORT!!! I'm so proud I'm home alone!!!
I can't think of nothing now............hahaha
Some come here to **** and stink
others just to sit and think ...
there's like, three, five more lines to that right? Anyone remember?
Saw this one thirty years ago and never forgot it (although I've tried):
Those who write on sh*thouse walls
Roll their sh*t in little balls.
Those who read these words of wit
Eat those little balls of sh*t.
Can't go very far downhill from that one...
nimh wrote:Some come here to **** and stink
others just to sit and think ...
there's like, three, five more lines to that right? Anyone remember?
I just come to scratch my balls
and read the writing on the walls
hey! my memory aint so bad yet! just takes a little time ...
From a roadhouse in central Pennsylvania:
She offered her honor;
He honored her offer.
And all through the night
it was honor, offer, honor, offer....
You're not too old if you forget to zip up
You're too old when you forget to zip down.
I banged your sister in here.
How To Annoy the Person In The Bathroom Stall Next to You.
1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbour, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh ****! My glass eye!"
6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that colour before."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Hummus. Reminds me of hummus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbours while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbour. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."
14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettuccine alfredo you had for breakfast.
15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbour and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".
At the urinal, look over at the guy next to you and say "you call that a penis?" or "my 4 year old nephew's is bigger than yours."
Over urinal:
Express lane
5 Beers or less
Bob, those were very funny!
If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Please be neat
And wipe the seat.
Greyfan!!!!!!!!!! THAT was great!
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Here I sit
What a caper
I have to ****
But I'm out of paper
You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And **** my pants!
Some people come here to take a ****,
I came here to leave one.
Here I sit, I'm at a loss
trying to **** out taco sauce.
When it comes, I hope and pray,
I don't blow my ass away
(Written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line,
the Hillsboro Fire Department wants you.
(Seen above a urinal)
Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!
(Scratched into the paint of the condom-dispensing machine)
"Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber."
( sung to the tune of Silent Night )
Siiiiiilent farts
Deeeeeadly farts
AAAAAAllll is calm
but not Fooooor looooong...
