Reply
Fri 4 Feb, 2005 11:00 pm
Last weekend, I did something I really regret. I got completely loaded, and somewhere between tequila shot #4 and #7, I ended up making out with my gay friend for a few seconds. It wasn't good. I wish I could take it back now, but since I can't, I'm stuck dealing with the consequences of my incredibly stupid actions.
It's been a week now, and I have told my friend repeatedly that I was just drunk, but he keeps insisting that there was a "spark". He's making me crazy with this crap! He keeps e-mailing me and bugging me about it...I don't know what to do anymore.
He is insisting that there was something there, and that I'm just in denial, and that I'm living a lie, and blah blah blah...you wouldn't believe the stuff he comes up with. I'm tearing my hair out over this ****. He was a good friend before this happened, but I swear, now he's obsessed. It's like I turned on some insane love switch inside him and I can't shut him off. I want my old friend back! Not this needy hypersensitive freak! What the hell should I do?
What do you do? You do the same thing you do with women when they react like this.
<I'm not sure what you (kc) do, or how successful it is>
I'm more than a bit of a mean b!tch with this kind of thing, so I probably shouldn't give any advice.
ummmm, so the friendship is/was important?
<life lesson #8 - tequila is verra verra dangerous>
No more Tequila for you, Kicky, at least not around this guy. Had the stuff one night with DH, long before he was DH, and argued about our relationship in the parking lot and then threw up on his shoes.
I wish I had better advice than this, because you've no doubt already said it: "Sorry, but no." "No, thank you." "I hate to hurt your feelings, but it was a mistake, and the answer is no." Followed by, "Can we still be friends?" Quite possibly not, if he will not take no for an answer. Too bad he doesn't seem to want to hear you.
Someone else MUST have better advice than this!
Kicky darlin', so you were curious. That's all. Just tell him the truth. Good friendships always have ups and downs, it's part of what makes 'em good in the first place. So...take him out to dinner and talk, and talk and talk. It'll do you both some good.
The best thing would have been to pretend it never
happened, regardless of what your friend said.
Too late for that, you have only one option left.
Tell him that he has a choice now: He either stops
pestering you and remain friends as before, or you
terminate the friendship alltogether.
This puts the ball in his corner and it is calling what
to do.
Ceili wrote:Kicky darlin', so you were curious. That's all. Just tell him the truth. Good friendships always have ups and downs, it's part of what makes 'em good in the first place. So...take him out to dinner and talk, and talk and talk. It'll do you both some good.
Well, the last time they went out together........
Aaargh - that IS an awkwardness between friends - when there is no actual spark! Aaaaarrrrggghhhhh.
Sounds as though this friend was a wee tad fondish of you before the "making out" - or are you THAT good a kisser?
The "love switch" IS sort of insane - it is a toxic brew of chemicals, and we do go sort of nuts. Having said that, your friend ought to be respecting your no's - even if he does feel that you are in some sort of denial. Er - no means no, as they say.
Sounds like you are just gonna hafta plug away at re-establishing the boundaries - I hate to say it, but, if they cannot be re-established soonish, you may have lost a friend - tequila IS dangerous.
You have told him that the behaviour is driving you nuts?
BorisKitten wrote:No more Tequila for you, Kicky, at least not around this guy. Had the stuff one night with DH, long before he was DH, and argued about our relationship in the parking lot and then threw up on his shoes.
Oh my! Tequila memories! It drives people mad - prolly expectation that does it - but I have some blushful tequila stories, too.
BorisKitten wrote:Someone else MUST have better advice than this!
Nah - dammit - I think there are no smart answers when it comes to lerve/lust.
I like Calamity Jane's take on things the best.. The ball in your friends court about deciding what to do about the friendship. It will probably feel very awkward for awhile if he chooses just going back to being friends. Especially the way he is pushing you now, you might always have in the back of your mind if he is still the same old guy or does he want more.
I really feel for you kicky....sadly I get the gut feeling it won't come to a perfect ending.
I think this is one more of kick's hypothetical scenarios.
Tell him, "I was curious, and now I know it won't work for me. You may have felt a spark, but sorry, I didn't."
Then tell him he's driving you nuts.
(I agree, he's probably secretly had feelings for you for some time and sees this as his chance. <sigh> Friendships with gays are SO much easier when they're the opposite sex!)
ossobuco wrote:I think this is one more of kick's hypothetical scenarios.
Lol! Could be, but it happens.
Eva - yes - but ask gay men about how many of their women friends secretly want to "convert" them!
It is funny - but we are all practised in deaaling with this stuff with opposite sex friends if we are hetero....
Hmmmmmm.....
So, was it good?
One question:
When you were doing your shots, did you have your pinky finger pointing out?
Just kidding, bud. No big deal. Next time throw a wig and lipstick on him, and you may actually like it.
Look at the bright side at least the Bear isn't aound to comment.
...tequilla. what can i say. it can only be drunk with a very very very safe entourage. like dlowan, i have a few stories i would not relate on this or any other forum that are sparked by tequilla. the vile fire water. anyhow, it may not even have been an interest as much as a reflex, an instinct, you see a face approaching, you kiss. that's how it goes. then you remember the next day (or someone reminds you and you go over your foggy filmstrips in your head) and you are shocked and chagrined.
i think the key point IS that your friend had feelings for you before this incident, so no matter what, it can't be taken back and you just have to either take a break altogether (knowing myself that's what I would opt for) or talk it out (brrrr, never would i do that). it's always painful to lose a friend, but this one won't be the same, ever, i don't think.
Damn, imagine what you would have done had you drunk mescal instead.
i don't mean this in a bad way, but treat this situation as if were a girl that you kissed, but didn't like.
I think he had the hots for you before hand, but even so, if he can't accept the fact that you made a mistake and are not interested, then I agree with Calamity that you should tell him if he doesn't stop, the friendship will be over. If he's a true friend, he'll let it go.
Don't feel bad, Kicky. We have all had our moments ;-)
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace