JPB wrote:M is hosting a party, which means that 'we' are hosting a party and M is a guest at her own party.
Remind me on Monday that I want to come back to the concept of being a guest at one's own party......
How about a reminder on Thursday?
Ok, Thursday works too, thanks.
Over the years my children have had birthday parties and gatherings here at the house. I've tried to instill in them a sense of being the host(ess) of their friends but I've noticed that after the first hour or so, I tend to be the one checking to see how things are going and if anyone wants refills on drinks, etc.
Part of it is my mother-hen syndrome of wanting to make sure the kids are having a good time, but part of it is that the girls would rather be guests at their own parties than play host. While I'm clucking around filling snack bowls and picking up soda cans, I'm asking myself why K or M isn't doing it. Then I catch myself and think I should simply stay out of it and let them fend for themselves. They DO know where the kitchen is located! I admit, it also gives me an excuse to check out what else might be going on, but I'm not really spying.... honest!
At what point should a teenager take responsibility for hosting their gatherings and not simply be one of the guests? As a matter of fact, at what point should the same question apply to Mr B? :wink:
You're right, dadpad. A large part of this is the mother-hen clucking that wants things to be done the way I would do them.
I'm sitting here listening (sort of) to the gathering outside the window. I'm keeping an appropriate distance and letting the kids enjoy the bonfire, pizza, sodas, etc.
A lot has happened over the past year....
The girls were 14 and 16 and are now 15 and 17. They think that's a big difference and in some ways it is. Those who were learning to drive are driving and the younger ones are beginning to get their licenses. Older sis has decided she'd rather be anywhere but here tonight as younger sis has her party.
We've been relegated to listening from a distance (my office window is open as I listen from the darkness of my office). Parents are calling to make sure all is under control. Twenty kids and two adults is not the best ratio, particularly as we are not exactly welcome to hover too closely. So, we hover from a distance.
The group is beginning to splinter somewhat. The bonfire folks are at the bonfire. The baseball playoff kids have found the television. I imagine that some kids have discovered the darkness of the woods.
Time to go out and make a presence known.
We won't have too many more years of this. We need to enjoy it while we can.
I hope, JPB, all enjoyed - and 'all' includes the parents :wink:
I just read the entire thread. You almost skipped a year, JPB, but I have
to hand it to you, you are doing a fantastic job of raising 2 teenage daughters.
Now, that mine is 12 years old, I am looking for pointers here, and I
think I won't be such a gracious, cool Mom as you, JPB. I couldn't do
the "mall" thing - at least not when she's still 12 or 13 years. Driving
at 16? Oh no, not in my book! Maybe I just lock her into the closet
until she's 18
It's frightening to cope with teenagers and their world nowadays....*sigh*
Yes, Walter, I think we all enjoyed it. It was a perfect night for a bonfire and the kids are old enough now that we can assign a couple fire-tenders and check in occasionally. No teenage drama this year like there was last year. They were here from 5:30 - 11:00 which is a long time for twenty 15-16 year olds to be together without drama unfolding.
Hi, marty -- grab your seatbelt, it's a heck of a ride!
Thanks, CJane. We have our moments but for the most part we do all right. I was always able to talk to my mom about everything, and I mean everything. It was great having her as my confidant, which is different than thinking of her as my friend. She wasn't my friend, my friends were my friends, but she was a great stabilizing presence during my adolescent years. I skipped some of the details in our discussions but there was no subject I couldn't broach.
From the time I was 14 or so, she wouldn't tell me what my decisions should be. She would tell me what her decision would be for me if it was her decision to make, but that I had to decide what to do. I also needed to understand the possible consequences and be willing to face them. In other words, make educated decisions and weigh the risks. She was also big on natural consequences in a time when the term hadn't been coined as a discipline strategy.
Break the law -- deal with the legal consequences.
Break a school rule -- deal with whatever punishment the school hands out.
Break a house rule -- deal with her.
But above all else, be able to look at yourself in the mirror and be happy with the person who looks back. She had a strong moral code on the big things (honesty, personal integrity, human interactions) and let the small things take care of themselves.
I know I caused her a number of sleepless nights, but it was only after I became the parent of a 14 year old that I had any idea of what she must have gone through. I will say that I participated in much fewer risky behaviors than most of my friends. They only had each other to talk to while I was able to talk things through with someone I admired. I never forgot how much I valued our relationship and tried to pattern my parenting style against hers even though the times have changed and my kids don't have nearly the freedoms I had.
We live in a very permissive area. My kids used to tell me that they were over-parented whenever they didn't get to do things that their friends were doing (like hanging at the mall with mom's credit cards at the age of 11). I disagreed, of course. It's easy to say no to everything or say yes to everything. It's hard trying to find the right balance, particularly when you don't get any feedback on how things will turn out until years later.
I did skip almost a year... I was sitting here the other night during the party and recalled this post from last year's gathering. Let's see....
K is a senior in HS now and is grappling with what to do next. She's a jumble of indecision on colleges, majors, and career paths. I'm trying to tell her she doesn't have to decide yet. She's currently planning on graduating HS early. She has all of her requirements met and is taking two English classes this semester (Sr English and Creative Writing) to complete the final distribution reqs. She's always been artistic, musical, creative rather than studious. She's planning on spending the late winter (Feb/Mar) in FL interning with an Interior Designer. She'll be staying with my sister and then come back here in the spring. This plan has the added advantage of letting her be in FL during the most difficult SAD months. I've told her she can overhaul her room when she gets back to help us convert it to a guest room (with her being the primary guest).
We're doing college visits for fall and I think she'll probably enroll with an undeclared major, take a couple years of gen-ed distributions and then decide whether to stay where she is or transfer to an ID program or other school. She wants to stay in Chicago. The ID schools in the area don't have dorms and she definitely wants to be in a dorm. This will give her a couple years of being on her own in a campus setting without the pressure of being in a declared major to begin with. We're looking at DePaul, Roosevelt, and UIC.
M is a sophomore and the exact opposite of her sister. She's a strong academic, thrives on pressure to the point where it seems she'll create some if necessary, and is packing her 'resume' with things that will be noticed by those who notice such things. She's currently leaning towards pre-med, but who knows what the next few years will bring.
JPB wrote:K is a senior in HS now and is grappling with what to do next. She's a jumble of indecision on colleges, majors, and career paths. I'm trying to tell her she doesn't have to decide yet. She's currently planning on graduating HS early. She has all of her requirements met and is taking two English classes this semester (Sr English and Creative Writing) to complete the final distribution reqs. She's always been artistic, musical, creative rather than studious. She's planning on spending the late winter (Feb/Mar) in FL interning with an Interior Designer. She'll be staying with my sister and then come back here in the spring. This plan has the added advantage of letting her be in FL during the most difficult SAD months. I've told her she can overhaul her room when she gets back to help us convert it to a guest room (with her being the primary guest).
We're doing college visits for fall and I think she'll probably enroll with an undeclared major, take a couple years of gen-ed distributions and then decide whether to stay where she is or transfer to an ID program or other school. She wants to stay in Chicago. The ID schools in the area don't have dorms and she definitely wants to be in a dorm. This will give her a couple years of being on her own in a campus setting without the pressure of being in a declared major to begin with. We're looking at DePaul, Roosevelt, and UIC.
K's future begins today. She did graduate a semester early, spent last weekend in San Fran with her school orchestra as a final school activity, submitted her college app to Roosevelt with an undeclared major, and leaves for FL today where she'll spend the next five weeks staying with my sister in Tampa while interning with a local designer.
Transition day for all of us - It will be different here. She'll be back in April, participate in the final senior class activities in May, close out some other obligations before summer and then start looking ahead to dorm life, being in the city, and school.
18 years -- I remember each and every day.
All the very best for K., her future and for the (nearly) "lonely mom".
I am taking notes.
SonofEva starts high school in the fall. I'll be right where you are in a few short years.
I'm glad to hear you remember. I worry about that.
(((((JPB)))))
JPB wrote:JPB wrote:K is a senior in HS now and is grappling with what to do next. She's a jumble of indecision on colleges, majors, and career paths. I'm trying to tell her she doesn't have to decide yet. She's currently planning on graduating HS early. She has all of her requirements met and is taking two English classes this semester (Sr English and Creative Writing) to complete the final distribution reqs. She's always been artistic, musical, creative rather than studious. She's planning on spending the late winter (Feb/Mar) in FL interning with an Interior Designer. She'll be staying with my sister and then come back here in the spring. This plan has the added advantage of letting her be in FL during the most difficult SAD months. I've told her she can overhaul her room when she gets back to help us convert it to a guest room (with her being the primary guest).
We're doing college visits for fall and I think she'll probably enroll with an undeclared major, take a couple years of gen-ed distributions and then decide whether to stay where she is or transfer to an ID program or other school. She wants to stay in Chicago. The ID schools in the area don't have dorms and she definitely wants to be in a dorm. This will give her a couple years of being on her own in a campus setting without the pressure of being in a declared major to begin with. We're looking at DePaul, Roosevelt, and UIC.
K's future begins today. She did graduate a semester early, spent last weekend in San Fran with her school orchestra as a final school activity, submitted her college app to Roosevelt with an undeclared major, and leaves for FL today where she'll spend the next five weeks staying with my sister in Tampa while interning with a local designer.
Transition day for all of us - It will be different here. She'll be back in April, participate in the final senior class activities in May, close out some other obligations before summer and then start looking ahead to dorm life, being in the city, and school.
18 years -- I remember each and every day.
update -- She's IN! She got her acceptance to Roosevelt, is doing well in FL (occasional homesickness aside), and is very, very excited. Yay!
That's fabulous! Congratulations!!
Congrats to K [and the proud parents (and sister)]!
(Roosevelt U ... [osso and] I passed it a couple of times, two years ago :wink: )
Congratulations to K, and even more so to her parents!
A happy day!!!
K shines just like her Mom a?
Happy days
(xox)
