The teenage years

Bet it goes onto your CC.

Silly me. A winter storm warning means that they should stay until they've had a full day of snow boarding and then drive at night when it's snowing heavily.

They've just left Vt (with one new tire that was indeed charged to my credit card)

Safe though...

Odd feelings as no one watched me go through this stuff slightly late, but also pleasure as your girls become women. It's strange, worrying and exhilarating, which is what I figure you feel.

Very much so, osso. Thanks.

My kids are no longer children. They'll always be our kids, but they won't always be children. M turns 18 today. K will be 20 in a few months. They're both adults now - legally, at least.

We've watched them change so much over the years, and they certainly aren't done changing yet, but much of what time we have to influence who they are and how they turn out has passed.

M has always been the more mature one, but K has made tremendous strides this past year. She's doing well in school now - now that she's in a school where her artistic talents match what they're trying to teach her. She and her bf are coming up tonight to join in M's birthday celebration. The bf is the same one from last year - they're doing well together too.

M has a significant case of "senioritis". School is just school and she's looking forward to next steps. That's a big shift for the girl who never wanted to grow up because it would push her to face the unknowns of the world. This birthday is also double-edged to her. She's happy/excited to be turning 18 and yet she's concerned that now "she's" responsible for everything she does. Heh... she'll be fine.

Happy Birthday, monkey M!

We love you!!!

You did well with your daughters, JPB, I can read the contentment in your lines. Happy birthday to Ms. M. Eighteen is quite a milestone and I am certain she'll master adulthood just fine.

We're just at the brink of teenage-hood and I only can hope that in a few years we're as content with my "kid" as you are with yours.

Awww. This is good to read. Glad everyone is doing so well.

Thanks CJ and soz. It's been a journey for sure!

I remember that JPB. I had a dread and an excitement about turning 18. And of course it was fine. She will be too...she takes after her mom...smart cookie!

aahhhhhhh JPB - I know how proud you are of your girls... having spent time with M - well, all I can say is she is a beautiful young woman, gifted and smart - I'm so honoured to have met them both... and she is stunning to photograph too...

aside from that, S-boy still has a MAJOR crush on M

hope you all had the best time yesterday - love to you all and big hugs xxxx

We dropped M off at school yesterday. It was a long ride home...

Mr B's company folded in April so he's focusing on his schooling too. K's relationship ended around the same time - she's also focusing on school. Three "kids" in college! K still calls regularly, but M is taking more of an, "I'll let you know if I need you" approach. I'm staying busy with work. That's not new, but it sure does seem kinda empty around here.

I've started active therapy on my back and knees. I've also started walking again for exercise. I made good progress until I suffered either shin splints or a stress fracture on Wednesday. The X-ray was negative but so was the one on my last stress fracture. We'll see how it heals. I'm going to start giving more of my energies to my own health and see if I can alleviate some of the pain in my back and knees.

Transition time for all of us. It's been a very strange year.

HA!

The phone rang about 30 seconds after I made that post. All is well.

Thanks for the update. Sounds like there is a lot to deal with for sure. Where do you guys stand re: moving to New Orleans these days?

Hey soz! That's a bit complicated at the moment. The original idea was to rent a small place that we could use for the next year or two as a base to scope out neighborhoods and such. We thought we'd spend more and more time there and less and less time here with an eventual move. That all went on hold over a year ago when Mr B's company declared that they were doing away with telecommuting. No more working from home - everyone had to be in the office by 9:00 am daily. This was a software company... software guys don't do 9-5 very well. Moral tanked but it didn't matter because it turned out that they were closing down this office anyway. That happened in early April. I suggested he wait until now to actively search for new employment because M would be at school and we can go anywhere. We told her we'd try to stay here for another year at least so she'd have a sense of "home" while she's adjusting to being away, but who knows? Most of the jobs in his new field are on the coasts - definitely not New Orleans. It doesn't make sense financially for us to have two places right now so we're not looking at renting anything in NOLA. We do hope to travel more often but that too depends on new employment and limited vacation time as a new employee. Dunno --- it's all sort of a cluster F right now but I'm sure everything will sort itself out eventually.

Thanks for asking.

Parent's weekend this weekend. We're going. No idea if we'll be singing this song or a different one come Monday.

Interested in learning how it goes, JPB.

So, wise parents of teenagers past and present, can I ask something here?

Our house has started to become a congregation spot... that's fine with me, I like it even. But gaggles of girls (fourth-graders, not teenagers yet but starting to have some of the same issues) are always harder for me to deal with than sozlet +1.

Part of that is just the deaf thing I'm sure. So probably not all advice would apply.

But I'm interested in how you keep/ kept that balance, keeping things welcoming but not anarchic.

Just for example: food. I went shopping today when sozlet was at school and now am already completely cleared out of something I planned on having around for a while. This annoys me but probably is the price of having this be a congregation spot, which again I do like. And they asked permission and everything. (I could've said no, but that would've felt mean. It wasn't an insane amount of food per person, just added up fast.)

Anyway, your thoughts most appreciated. (Food is an example but more general welcome vs. anarchy and where to draw the line is what I'm going for.)

Thanks!

We have a "family room" in the basement. That became Hangout Central for
a while. I put a mini-fridge down there and stocked a niche with snacks.
They could eat and drink what was already down there. Period. Not enough?
Buy some more yourselves. Worked out well.

I think you'll find you own comfort level somewhere between being more permissive than usual and feeling that they're taking advantage of you and your hospitality. Those limits will be pushed and, as with the triangle stuff, there may be one or two specific kids who push them harder than the rest. And, yes, if they're going to congregate at your house they're going to want to eat whatever they see. It's understandable that you didn't want to say no, but now that you've been the good guy it's ok to say, "No -- those are for sozlet's lunches this week. Here, have some of .... instead."

I like George's idea of designated stock for the gang. We have a snack shelf in the pantry that's open territory. It only gets stocked during major grocery shopping. If it's something that I don't want the kids to get into then I put it somewhere else.

It's going to take some time to get more comfortable with the gaggle, and some of that will fall to sozlet too. You want to support and embrace being the gathering spot, but that doesn't mean you have to come completely out of your comfort zone.

I'll see what I can do about the designated area for allowed noshing. We don't really have anything that lends itself.

Independently of this, last night E.G. said "I'm starting to understand why people have rec rooms in the basement..." This is way down the line in terms of time + especially money, but I'd LOVE to finish part of our basement for that sort of thing. (Right now we really don't have anything in the basement that'd work. I shoo 'em into the yard when possible, but sometimes the weather doesn't cooperate and sometimes they just don't want to stay out there the WHOLE time even if they're there some of the time.)

Couldn't you designate a cabinet or shelf as the place to check for after-school snacks?