10
   

Bizarre dating stories welcomed!

 
 
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2018 04:00 pm
@chai2,
Quote:
I don't think enough people know what they are looking for as a partner or just someone to spend time with, and just sort of put it under the heading of "someone nice"

There's something to be said for NOT setting your eyes on too precise a type of person, for fear of missing an ideal match BUT for baseball, and settling for an imperfect fit of all criteria instead.

Because it's always going to be an imperfect fit. Mr Right is not dating imperfect people like you or me. He is dating Ms Right.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2018 06:08 pm
@Olivier5,
Of course you can’t make such an exacting list and be inflexible. Wasn’t saying you should.

However one does need to have some sort of guideline beside “he’s nice”.

How many threads have we read here from people complaining about, are miserable over, or angry with someone they chose to be with, for having the audacity to be the same person they were when they met each other?

I feel there has to be some fundamental commonalities with people, such as how you would choose to spend much of your time. If it’s doing something or being someone that is totally mismatched with the other person character, no amount of “magic” is going to be enough.
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Jan, 2018 01:42 am
@chai2,
Quote:
I feel there has to be some fundamental commonalities with people, such as how you would choose to spend much of your time. If it’s doing something or being someone that is totally mismatched with the other person character, no amount of “magic” is going to be enough.

You also need complementarity. Otherwise, if joggers date joggers, stamp collectors marry stamp collectors, and avid readers sleep with other avid readers, their life could be quite boring. At least if a baseball fan makes room for a ping pong fan, they can learn something from one another. And always hanging out together is a bad idea anyway.

Guess I prefer surprises to predictability.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Jan, 2018 02:25 am
@Olivier5,
<sigh>

I can’t tell if you really don’t get what I’m saying, or are just playing around.

No where have I said people shouldn’t be different from each other. Obviously that’s what makes people interesting.

However, everyone has deal breakers, and in this woman’s case, she knew she wanted to be in a relationship with someone who enjoyed a particular thing as much as, or pretty close to how she felt.

I admire that. I’m confident that she and most people realize they aren’t going to, and aren’t looking for a clone.

My husband and I have many different interests from the other. We are 2 strong trees that don’t stand in each other’s shade. However, there are a few very core things as far as ethics, outlooks on life, and other personal things that bind us together.

I’m relistic enough to realize that if when we met 3 decades ago he had expressed a desire to spend a lot of his time involved in certain activities I find boring, wanted a child in addition to the one he had already had, was involved in church activities, etc, both both he and I wouldn’t have had more than a couple dates, and both of us would have found someone else we loved just as much.

It’s important to be clear with ourselves what we will and will not accept in another, and if the other either has or lacks certain qualities that are key to our own happiness, then it’s not going to work. Otherwise any 2 people could be matched up and both would have their needs met.

There are preferences, and there are needs. The woman in question obviously needed someone who enjoyed baseball very much, and that is a need, not a preference. I’m not going to say that’s strange.
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Jan, 2018 04:25 am
@chai2,
Quote:
There are preferences, and there are needs. The woman in question obviously needed someone who enjoyed baseball very much, and that is a need, not a preference. I’m not going to say that’s strange. 

Personally, I find it funny. Not strange or bizarre because these things happen all the time, but kind of counter-intuitive. I would never had thought of it on my own. The way I see it, sport is something you do with buddies, not with a sweetheart. Sport is competitive, it breeds disagreements and disputes. I wouldn't want to e.g. take soccer very seriously and root for another team than my partner. That would spell doom for the couple.

I'm evidently fine with you finding it good and proper. There's no need to agree on everything.
JustNonsenseAndSugar
 
  0  
Reply Tue 30 Jan, 2018 09:46 am
@James3270,
I went out on a date with this guy a couple times and thought he was really cool. He was nice and we liked the same things and we agreed on big topics (the deal breakers). On the first few dates everything went pretty well and then on the ninth he acted like he didn't know me at all. He acted rude and violent and I couldn't figure out was going on. He texted me the next day and said he had D.I.D. (Multiple personality disorder). It scared the shiznit out of me. He has eight personalities and all of them but one hate me... We're still dating though...
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Jan, 2018 12:33 pm
@JustNonsenseAndSugar,
Quote:
He has eight personalities and all of them but one hate me... We're still dating though...

Wow. You're not easily scared away, are you? It's not just that he's crazy but 1/8 don't look anywhere near good odds. If, say, 4 of his 8 selves would like you, you'd have a fighting chance...
JustNonsenseAndSugar
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Jan, 2018 12:51 pm
@Olivier5,
I myself have anxiety and schizophrenia. And his dominant personality is the one I love. The others are like his siblings. It'd be like if his family didn't care for me but you don't just give up because of the family.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Jan, 2018 02:30 pm
@Olivier5,
Olivier5 wrote:

Quote:
There are preferences, and there are needs. The woman in question obviously needed someone who enjoyed baseball very much, and that is a need, not a preference. I’m not going to say that’s strange. 

Personally, I find it funny. Not strange or bizarre because these things happen all the time, but kind of counter-intuitive. I would never had thought of it on my own. The way I see it, sport is something you do with buddies, not with a sweetheart. Sport is competitive, it breeds disagreements and disputes. I wouldn't want to e.g. take soccer very seriously and root for another team than my partner. That would spell doom for the couple.

I'm evidently fine with you finding it good and proper. There's no need to agree on everything.


Strange, bizarre, funny....all in the same family as far as how you perceive something about another person. As in different enough from you to make note of it.

Who said, in the case of a sports fan, that 2 people involved with each other would be supporting different teams? I would think if someone was a die hard Red Sox fan they wouldn't be going to games with a Yankee fan.

You yourself in the above are setting up your level of acceptability when you say how you view sports. As in something you do/watch with buddies, as opposed to sweethearts.

At the same time, I'm guessing you'd want to be able to spend a signifcant amount of your time with your sweetheart.
Hard perhaps to do if being a sports fan is an important part of what makes you who you are, and if you have always had season tickets, have all the televised games on your calendar, take part in pools, etc etc.

Somehow magic is supposed to make everything all right though, huh? Sounds like both parties are setting themselves up for hard feelings.
Wouldn't it be better to be involved with someone who is at least moderately interested in sports, and desires to attend games and watch them with you?

I didn't say anywhere, BTW, anything about finding something "good and proper" Each person and couple has to find their own way on their own and with each other as to what will work in their relationship.

Sports of course is just an example. What if in the original situation the woman had asked if the OP was a Christian? What if in response he gave what he thought was a lighthearted joke? Turns out she's very devout and he, in her mind, is making fun of something important to her. Doesn't matter if he meant it as an insult, she's not into it.

People spend months looking for the right job, right house to buy. We do research on where to buy our food, cars, where to vacation, what phone plan to buy. But somehow it's a negative to actually examine who we are and what type of person would be most suitable for us. No, that has to be left up to magic, wishful thinking, faith and posting on websites asking complete strangers "what do you think he meant by that"?

Everyone walks into an element of the unknown when meeting an getting to know another person. Once in that environment, it's important to look around and see if you want to stay there. If the neighborhood isn't the one you want to live in, why rent or buy space there?
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Jan, 2018 02:45 pm
@Olivier5,
Olivier5 wrote:

It's not just that he's crazy but 1/8 don't look anywhere near good odds. If, say, 4 of his 8 selves would like you, you'd have a fighting chance...


Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way, but you knew that.

If there is such a thing as multiple personality disorder, which is the former name for Dissociative Identity Disorder, a person isn't going to divide his time equally amongst all the persona.

My question to the person who continues to date such a person is why, when at least some of the time he is, or tries to be violent toward you?

I guess magic is supposed to overcome the trauma of being hit, or worse?
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Jan, 2018 02:50 pm
@JustNonsenseAndSugar,
JustNonsenseAndSugar wrote:

I went out on a date with this guy a couple times and thought he was really cool. ... We're still dating though...


So did you go out with him just a couple of times, or are you dating?
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Jan, 2018 05:05 pm
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:

bizarre, funny....all in the same family as far as how you perceive something about another person. As in different enough from you to make note of it.

As different from my expectations, yes, fair enough.

Quote:
Who said, in the case of a sports fan, that 2 people involved with each other would be supporting different teams?

Strangest things have happened, especially to folks dating with folks from beyond their local baseball fanclub.

Quote:
At the same time, I'm guessing you'd want to be able to spend a signifcant amount of your time with your sweetheart.
Hard perhaps to do if being a sports fan is an important part of what makes you who you are, and if you have always had season tickets, have all the televised games on your calendar, take part in pools, etc etc.

What's the point of having a sweetheart in the first place, if you won't make space for her in your life?

Quote:
Somehow magic is supposed to make everything all right though, huh? Sounds like both parties are setting themselves up for hard feelings.

I never said love could fix anything (least of all hardcore baseball fans), but that it's a nevessary ingredient for the thing to work, at least for me. Call it one of my needs, or non-negotiables. I have others, such as honesty and a sense of humor. Two qualities this lady apparently lacked.

Quote:
Sports of course is just an example. What if in the original situation the woman had asked if the OP was a Christian? What if in response he gave what he thought was a lighthearted joke? Turns out she's very devout and he, in her mind, is making fun of something important to her. Doesn't matter if he meant it as an insult, she's not into it.

At the least, I would expect some closure, some explanation of how religion or baseball is so important in her life. Dropping the guy like she did without any explanation was rude, I think. By my expectations.
0 Replies
 
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Jan, 2018 04:22 am
@JustNonsenseAndSugar,
But you said he was violent with you. How violent?

I would not get intimate with this guy; too scary. What if he wokes up as Jack the Ripper in the middle of the night?
James3270
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Jan, 2018 09:08 pm
@chai2,
If you don't think this is bizarre, maybe it's because you're a little off yourself. Not trying to put you down but I've shared this story with a lot of people and every single one thought it was bizarre.
0 Replies
 
James3270
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Jan, 2018 09:10 pm
@chai2,
You and Olivier sound like a perfect match! Hahaha
JustNonsenseAndSugar
 
  2  
Reply Thu 1 Feb, 2018 09:15 am
@Olivier5,
He mainly get threatening [hand raising in threats, he swiped at my face with my pen knife] but I will not give up on him like everyone does. He is a beautiful soul who just has a problem. It doesn't mean I should just leave him because he can't control his other personalities.
JustNonsenseAndSugar
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Feb, 2018 09:19 am
@chai2,
Mistyped. I meant we went out a couple times and thought he was really cool. We're still dating despite his DID
0 Replies
 
JustNonsenseAndSugar
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Feb, 2018 09:23 am
@Olivier5,
I still have a fighting chance. Even if he had thousands of personalities and only one liked me I still would stay with him.
0 Replies
 
JustNonsenseAndSugar
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Feb, 2018 09:25 am
@chai2,
His other personalities deal with me. He writes our date nights on sticky notes and if another personality is in charge that day, they text me not to bother on that day. They, despite not liking me, are considerate about that. They preserve each others relations in case a personality got upset and hurt their body.
0 Replies
 
JustNonsenseAndSugar
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Feb, 2018 09:38 am
@chai2,
It is like if he was multiple people. None of them know what each other are thinking. They know that if they do something that hurts the other, the other personalities will take revenge on them, whether hurting their body or destroying each others stuff. I am dating Kris, not the others. If he isn't Kris, I am not around.
0 Replies
 
 

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