Confused

You are deluding yourself if you think this is able to go backwards.

Thanks Punkey. Not sure what you mean. Elaborate please. Thx

Once a couple starts kissing and really enjoying it, then how can they go backwards to just being platonic friends?

I would tell you this even if you weren't in this awful mess (marriage, the religion, BF, guilt?) but you need to know you are well on your way to having a full affair with this girl.

What is going on with your marriage that you seek this kind of relationship with another woman - who is not really free to start up anything with you?

Thanks for the reply, Punkey. Greatly appreciated.

I won’t go too deep into it, but here’s the jist: I met her 25 years ago when she was an adolescent and I was older. (It’s NOT what you might be thinking. I was counseling a group of adolescents. ZERO attraction on my part). Over the years we ran into each other at various functions. The last was when I was giving a speech which she attended. She was now a full grown attractive, outgoing, fun, and confident woman. With the exception of acknowledging she was beautiful and fun, I had no attraction to her It was more of a “glad to see you’re doing good...and yes, you are looking pretty good!” If I had never seen her again it would make no difference to me.

She moved on to another state and sent me a couple of letters saying how I had changed her life and how she thought about me often. Even got Christmas cards with her and her new husband. I would show these to my wife and then throw them away. The cards and letters stopped coming.

Then 3 months ago, after a 15 year absence, I run into her out of the blue. She’s back in town in a new job. We make a date to catchup (after all, who wouldn’t under those circumstances). She reveals to me that she has had a major desire for me for the past 25 years and now I’m right in front of her. From there it turned into a closeness and now a full blown emotional affair. All of this comes on the heels of my marriage issues over the past several years. Now comes the person from the past with many things I really want, like, and need. Is it right? Of course not. Am I trying to rationalize it away? Yes. But to throw away 25 years and never see that person again is pretty hard...even if in that time period there was no real relationship. Then again, the same could be said for throwing away years of marriage. As for her, she holds on to a guy who has an alcohol problem simply because he’s there and there isn’t anyone else. (He actually works and lives in another city.)

There is one part of me that says even if we still see each other there will not ever be any more kissing. Hand holding and the such, sure. She’s pretty determined not to cross that line again. Then there is the other part of me that says I’m fooling myself that it will stick only to closeness without kissing or intimacy.

I suppose when you’re in the middle of it all, common sense and reality go out the window, right?