2 year affair

Reply Sun 15 Oct, 2017 01:42 pm
I've just found out my husband has been having an affair for 2 years. We've been together 18 years and im only 34.
So were do i start im in hosptial giving birth to our son and i have a message saying my husband having an affair. I asked him and he told me everything.
Apparently his version is she came on to him they slept together 3 or 4 times he tried to end it and she threatened to tell me everything only way to stop her was to keep seeing her. I seen his messages he sent her as she showed me. All his had been deleted and removed call history.
Her messages was all him saying he loved her and wants to be with her. He tells me that he said this to stop her frim telling me. This women added me to fb a while agoas he works with her i thought nothing of it but he said that day she added me he was with her and tried to stop her from telling me as again he told her he didn't want to see her anymore.
The story goes on and on.
She told him 6 weeks ago she was pregnant and clearly could see on Facebook i was pregnant. He said she was lying about it and never was. He said she told him she lost the baby. She told me this was the second baby she lost. So not only did he cheat on me he never use anything for 2 years.
He admitted everything he told me it was a huge relief he could see no way out.
I was in hospital for 3 days given birth to our son i found out the whole time he was on the phone to her. She told him she was coming to the hopstial to twll mw everything he begged her not to and again told her he loved her and would leave me in a couple of weeks. Her friends then rang him saying he needs to go and see her now as shes taken an overdose he said no he's at the hospital with me. He then had her daughter her friends all threating to tell me. So as im in labour he outside on the phone to her. 1 hour after i give birth he's again on the phone to her telling her once again he loves her. He swears all this was to stop her telling me. So 4 hours after i give birth i have a message telling me.
I don't know what to feel im dumb just gave birth to our third child one of my happiest days of my life turned into my worst nightmare.
I don't think i was shocked as deep down i knew something wasn't right phone hidden coming home late from work. Just hurts more that it was the day i gave birth i find out.
Now im sat here numb and don't know what to do how will i cope mentality financially with a newborn. How to i tell my kids who adore him
More how do i face the world with my happy little family my newborn child and tell everyone im a mug and stayed with a man for 18 years who lied and cheated on me. I just don't know what to do. Truthfully if it was me and my older children who independent i would of kicked him out there and then. The fact i was sat there with a newborn baby hormones every were i just went numb.
She also told me he hit her and strangled her cos a week ago cos she said she was telling me about the baby and that's how she lost the baby. Which i thought was a lie because he might be a p#$/k but hes never raised his hands to me. I asked him and he admitted he hit her and told her not to tell me but swesrs blind she has never been pregnant.
More im writing more i know what i should do but im so scared i just feel like my world has eneded and can't enjoy my newborn child.
Makes it worse im 34 shes 50!! Am i that bad he would do this to me for a 50 year old hag and i mean she looks like something from Jeremy kyle show and im not kidding. Why would he do tbis what the hell am i going to do?????
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Reply Sun 15 Oct, 2017 02:11 pm
First off, I am sorry this is happening. It stinks all around.

It's time for you and your husband to sit down with a marriage counselor or a therapist. This is not necessarily to try to save your marriage; it's more to figure out exactly how you are going to proceed.

Your top priority is parenting your children well. Many, many couples divorce or separate and are able to set their differences aside in order to serve the best interests of their children, who are innocent in all of it. So you don't need to stay married for them, if you don't want to. I am not pushing you to divorce or separate; I'm just saying that you can have those as options. Your kids would rather see you happy and apart than miserable and together, if that happens. And, truly, except for your newborn son, it is highly likely they have an idea of what is going on. They may not know the gory details but they are probably wondering.

Beyond parenting your children, consider your future. In particular, your financial future is something of importance. You are 34 but you still need to save for retirement. And even if your children are perfectly financially provided for, you will still need food, clothes, shelter, utilities, and medical care. If you have a job and it's a decent one, then you may be all right. If you don't, then one of the harsh realities of a marriage unwinding is that people suffer financially - and it's the person who makes less (or nothing) who will suffer the most.

And of course you are hurt and don't know who or what to believe. That is all completely understandable.

But look to taking care of your children first. Make it your mission, beyond your hurt and beyond wondering about your husband's truthfulness or what your family and friends might say. Consider that the first stop on your path, no matter what.

A marriage counselor or a therapist can help to referee this.
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Reply Tue 22 Mar, 2022 01:04 pm
I’m sorry you’re going through this at such a vulnerable time in your life. I think you have to take a day at a time & maybe see a therapist to build your self esteem up. I’ve been in a situation whereby my partner was lying to me about jobs, future faking et . Bottom line is I allowed it & enabled this kind of behaviour. You know he’s lying to you but like me I couldn’t leave knowing they were red flags! 12 years into the marriage I had a breakdown, left him, living with my young kids & loving my somewhat peaceful life. You will know when your ready. If you can do it now go for it as you don’t want to go through health issues, depression etc. if you want to get stronger then leave that’s ok too. These kind of men never change & we stay in the “hope” that they will. Hope that helps.
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Reply Wed 25 Jan, 2023 09:00 pm
Did this get settled?
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