Tue 26 Sep, 2017 02:32 pm
To cut a long story short, I am having an affair with an older, married man.
Like most affairs we didn't set out for this, but it's more of an loving affair rather than a sexually driven one (and we haven't had sex etc)
We worked together and we have both lost of jobs due to being found out, but this could work as it means we could possibly still see each other now we have so much time on our hands.
He has let me down a couple of times, when he has promised to see me for an hour or so, just to talk and cuddle, but last minute things come up and he lets me down.
I am single, so I think about him constantly whilst at least he is at home with his wife so his mind is occupied where as mine isn't so everything hurts that little bit more for me.
We were planning on spending a morning together, just walking and talking, I was so excited as he motivates me and gives me something to wake up for, and last minute he has cancelled, this time it wasn't his fault, he tried his best to rearrange but couldn't so I had to be let down and cancelled.
I know it comes with having an affair, things aren't easy and things get in the way, but from my point of view, I would cancel anything just to spend an hour with him, as he is my everything as sad as it sounds, where as he can cancel me as he thinks other things are more important.
Anyone else running out of patience with being let down by their lover?
I suppose the answer is don't have an affair in the first place, but when feelings and love is involved, it's hard not to go further with someone.
It's going to be like this forever if you don't get out of this so-called relationship.
You are there for his pleasure and convenience. And what's perhaps more disturbing is that you are taking a major issue in your life (losing your job) and spinning it as a positive so you can see him more. And you are also staying home and mooning over him no matter what he does and you are willingly behaving like his doormat.
You said so yourself that you've got a lot of free time on your hands. How about using that time to, oh, I dunno:
- Update your resume and look for work.
- And figure out how the hell you're going to explain to a potential employer why you lost your last job. This nonsense may have cost you chances at future jobs.
- Get out and meet people who aren't him. Male or female; I don't care. But have a life outside of hanging around and waiting on his every word and whim.
- Do something for yourself, if you can afford it. Get exercise. Volunteer. Take a class and try to improve your employment prospects. Meet with friends (you do have other people in your life, don't you?)
- And if you can afford it (and if you can't, then try your pastor if you have one, or see if you can get a reduced cost option), get some damned counseling and find out why you, a person who should be independent, intelligent, and well-situated,is subsuming herself to someone who isn't worthy of your attentions and devotion. And why you are fine with staring poverty in the face because you'll allegedly be able to spend more time together - and you can't, anyway. And don't deny that poverty is possible. All it takes is an insurance lapse and a disaster, whether it be medical, fire, flood, or car accident, and your not working will start to look calamitous.
Pull up your socks, girl. This is the fuzzy end of the lollipop, as Marilyn Monroe famously said in Some Like it Hot
You deserve better.
No one would put up with that kind of behavior from their BF. Why do you?
Just because your experiencing strong emotions that doesn't mean you can't objectively look at the situation for what it is and act accordingly. You know what you need to do and you don't need affirmation or confirmation to do it.
If I got a dime for every time a woman says she was thinking with her hormones...
I am sure his wife will thank you some day for the soul-crushing pain she will experience when she finds out.