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Should I forgive non physical cheating?

 
 
Reply Mon 18 Sep, 2017 04:23 pm
I am currently having a really hard time getting past finding out my fiance "cheated". I am almost 100 percent nothing physical ever happened but it still hurts all the same. An ex **** buddy (that was in love with him but he decided to break it off because he didnt want a relationship with her) contacted him saying she was seperated from her husband and continued to try to seduce him via text. He eventually gave in and there was sexts exchanged within the course of 1 day. I'm pretty certain nothing physical happened because his responses sounded like very cold and uninterested but he was interested in what sexual things she had to say, and answered enough the hear what she wanted to do to him. Anytime she mentioned actually doing anything he said no, that would be bad. Still, he really did humor her more than he should have. Well, her husband found out about their texts that night and called my fiance telling him he was an idiot and he's lucky he doesn't tell me. Although he didn't tell me right away, I did notice my fiance felt very guilty and kept saying things like I deserve better than him (out of the ordinary) and he even went to confession (again out of the ordinary). Fast forward a few weeks and that girl's husband contacted me and showed me all their exchanged texts. I confronted my fiance about all of it, and although I initially thought I would not try to work through it, we have been trying. I just can't help but still be hurt by it and bring it up to him. He understands that he is the one that messed up and has to be patient with me and the process, but I know that he hates himself for doing it and I feel like if we are going to get past it I need to stop bringing it up. Do you think I should be working through this fidelity or should I be trying to move on? Do you think this might be a forgiveable situation or once a cheater always a cheater?
 
roger
 
  4  
Reply Mon 18 Sep, 2017 05:26 pm
@foreverloyal,
Forgive? The only problem I see from what you wrote is that he was maybe too polite in discouraging him. I wasn't there, of course, but that's my impression.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Mon 18 Sep, 2017 08:22 pm
All this in ONE day? No other follow up later? He's remorseful and has not done this again?

See if you can actually smile about this - he deserves a "pity laugh" for being stupid .

Forgive him and move on. Don't drive him away because he screwed up and emotionally cheated on you.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 19 Sep, 2017 08:53 am
@foreverloyal,
What was the cheating part? did you forget to tell us about it?
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PUNKEY
 
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Reply Tue 19 Sep, 2017 11:05 am
She feels that Sexting was the cheating
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Sep, 2017 11:10 am
@PUNKEY,
Someone outside of the relationship sexting is not cheating.

Hopefully the OP has another answer.
0 Replies
 
alansright
 
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Reply Mon 2 Jul, 2018 05:52 am
@foreverloyal,
It would have been emotional cheating had he responded more positively, acted on it, or met up. In this case it seems like he was a shoulder to cry on. She may have wanted more (sounds like it), but he didn't offer it. Good for him. He should have been firmer in his shutdown. Reminded her he was married. It would seem like he thought about taking her up, but thought better of it. Not brilliant, but he passed. Just. If it had been completely innocent he would have told you about it and been completely open. He wasn't. Tell him off. Warn him that you won't accept it happening again and that you will be watching him. But this relationship deserves saving.
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